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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that taking your DCs friends on holiday sounds like a bit of a nightmare

126 replies

Zerocov1d23 · 09/08/2022 19:44

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 09/08/2022 19:45

I went to Florida with my best friend's family at 15 and it was incredible. My parents refuse to fly that far. It meant we could go off and do our own thing. Her brother who was 17 also took a friend.

MichaelAndEagle · 09/08/2022 19:46

I think you just can't imagine doing this because you have a 3 year old. Teenagers are a different kettle of fish entirely.

luxxlisbon · 09/08/2022 19:47

Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family

Uh you don’t make the rules? They are just trying to enjoy your holiday, who says it has to just be family?
If the friend was awkward they wouldn’t go.

There is really nothing that weird about taking a friend for your DC on holiday.

CandyLeBonBon · 09/08/2022 19:47

I took my ds's girlfriend away with us this summer. But she's lovely so it was fine!

sunlight81 · 09/08/2022 19:48

MichaelAndEagle · 09/08/2022 19:46

I think you just can't imagine doing this because you have a 3 year old. Teenagers are a different kettle of fish entirely.

Totally this!!! Providing of course the friends don't argue and fight

mawofone · 09/08/2022 19:49

My 3 year old is going to be an only child. I'm hoping he makes a good friend he would want to take on holiday in the future! Otherwise, I think it would be kinda boring for him 🤷🏻‍♀️

GiltEdges · 09/08/2022 19:49

I’m an only child and always took a friend on family holidays. It was company for me and gave my parents a break from entertaining me I suppose. Don’t really see what your issue with it is, we always had a great time.

Divebar2021 · 09/08/2022 19:50

I don’t think it’s compulsory but just because you wouldn’t have liked it doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. As a teenager I went twice with my friend and her parents to their villa in Spain and had a great time. The second time I was about 15/16 and we went for a month. I wasn’t a stranger - her parents knew me from years of friendship and sleepovers etc. I would do it for my DD when she’s a bit older as she’s an only child. My only caveat would be that I liked the child and was in the same page as the parents re boundaries

Tigerstripes1 · 09/08/2022 19:50

I always prefer to take friends. It stops the 'I'm bored' or the sibling bickering. I'm currently away with just my 3 and they drive me nuts, some friends met up with us today and it was amazing to have some peace!

Haggisfish3 · 09/08/2022 19:50

I really enjoy taking their friends with us.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/08/2022 19:52

My mum always let at least one of us bring a friend on holiday - we behave better as a family (then and now) when an outsider is present, and it made things more fun. I also went on holiday with several friends' families - I think it is really useful to learn how other households do things, and how to fit in.

Having said that, a friend let one of her daughters bring her friend to Portugal with them last year, and she said the girl was a total pill.

cadburyegg · 09/08/2022 19:52

Loads of people do it, I wish I had been allowed to bring a friend on holiday as I'm an only child so was often lonely. It's not weird, the friend gets a holiday and their parents are probably happy their child gets a holiday at a fraction of the cost it would be for their whole family. Surely you don't have to do that much entertaining for a 15 year old? They decide what they want to do and go off and do their own thing. You'd probably have to be their taxi service though!

Teenagers have firm friends not like 3 year olds who change their mind daily about who to play with. So it's not like they don't know the family at all - I imagine if they're close enough to go on holiday they're close enough to spend a lot of time at each other's houses.

FionnulaTheCooler · 09/08/2022 19:52

I wouldn't want the responsibility of someone else's child on holiday. I had a mum friend a few years back who was a single mum and heavily hinted a couple of times about us taking her DD away with us to give her a break, we have a DC the same age and usually did UK based self catering holidays which often came with twin beds in the second bedroom so technically there would have been space at no extra cost, I just didn't want to be an unpaid childminder for a week, I wanted to relax with just my own family unit. That was when the children were young though, maybe once my DC is a teen and wanting a bit more independence and to hang out with a friend on holiday I would consider it.

Mum2jenny · 09/08/2022 19:53

Certainly have taken their friends on holidays and have never had any problems.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 09/08/2022 19:53

If it doesn't appeal to you don't do it!
A family holiday is whatever that family wants it you be. It's very well saying that your DSis should book an adult only holiday if that's what she wanted - easier said than done with dc!

I went on some excellent holidays with my friend's family when I was a teenager - holidays my own parents weren't interested in; and wouldn't have taken anyway as DDad was too unwell.

Schooldil3ma · 09/08/2022 19:54

Of course people do it, especially if they have an only child.
It's just an extension of taking a dc's friend on a day out.
You have about 10 years before you need to consider if it's right for you or not.

Donotgogentle · 09/08/2022 19:55

I’ve taken DS’s friends on holiday with us and DS has gone away with another family too.

I like his friends and it adds a lot of fun to the holiday.

DailyMailHater · 09/08/2022 19:58

My brother and I were always allowed to pick a friend each to come away with us, just caravan holidays down in Devon / Cornwall but was great as we all hung out together and had a great time, we always took the same person each and we will still all talk about those awesome holidays.

deflatedbirthday · 09/08/2022 19:59

Interested in the responses here. I think I'd like to invite DSC friends when older. For those of you who have done it, how was the subject broached with the other parents/ organised? How about payment? Who pays for what?

Pinklady245612 · 09/08/2022 20:02

I used to often take a friend on holiday with me. We only went abroad twice (once with my family, once with her's) but my parents would take me on caravan holidays a couple of times a year and she'd always come from the age of around 10/11. She was no stranger to my parents though, we spent lots of time at each others houses.

SanFranBear · 09/08/2022 20:07

Taking a friend of of DD's away with us this coming weekend - and we're camping! I'm a single parent and it means, fingers crossed, I'll get a bit more time to relax. Even though I'll still have younger DS to contend with, they'll have an extra brain for creative play and there'll be hopefully less cries of 'I'm bored'... we shall see.

I grew up caravanning and it was always such a treat to have a friend away with me so want to give my DC the same.

Rover83 · 09/08/2022 20:10

I went on holiday a few times with a friend at school. It was amazing, proper UK beach holiday. Her mum invited me as her brother and cousin were the same age so she got left out as we were a couple of years younger. Her mum was very laid back and as long as we came back for lunch and dinner she was fine. It was occasionally awkward with the odd family argument but such a great experience, sadly my parents never reciprocated as we used to go on boring walking holidays and it was all enforced family time 24/7

maddiemookins16mum · 09/08/2022 20:12

DD is an only child. We went to Austria a few years ago on a lakes and mountains holiday We took along DD’s friend from Church Youth Club - we know her family very well.
The girls had the best time ever, they were 12, shared an adjoining room (there was a lot of giggling until all hours). As two sensible girls we allowed them a fair bit of freedom too, they went for walks in the small village, frequented an ice-cream parlour every day and generally had a ball. DD’s friend was a delight (albeit messy 🤣🤣) and a far fussier eater than DD, but it worked well for us. Her parents paid for her (we were HB) and sent her with spending money too that we ‘looked after’. We allotted DD the same overall sum and gave them a set amount each day. There were plenty of times we also paid for stuff (including drinks, lunches, etc etc). She was our guest, why would we not feed her lunch.

They returned the favour the following year and DD went to Cyprus for a week in a Villa.

TrizLuss · 09/08/2022 20:13

Another one who often brought a friend along on family holidays. As an only child, it was great fun having a friend there, and meant my parents could relax and leave us to ourselves too. I would love to do this when my DC are older! We had holidays just the 3 of us as well, which were good but very different.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 09/08/2022 20:15

At 15 ds brought a mate abroad with us .
Sent them home after a week.
.
Never again.