To think that taking your DCs friends on holiday sounds like a bit of a nightmare

[Zerocov1d23]

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

We do it. Dd's friends pays for flights, we pay for everything else. Mind you, others do it differently at the same school. One very wealthy family made a song and dance about helping and invited my broke/ going through a shit divorce's friend's DD away to Portugal and then asked for £1,200 for the week after she had paid for the flight. We were both in shock! Her dad had to pay in the end.

I did it as a kid, and think it's a great idea, depending on the child. Took a friends DD away last year, with my DD and little ones, and it was so horrific her mum came to pick her up. They just couldn't get on, her manners were disgraceful (I'd had no idea, her mum is lovely!), she couldn't bear to follow any safety directions, and was generally unpleasant to be around. My DD was also a little shite for some unknown reason, and we swore never again! We will, but will do a shorter break first with whoever she chooses.

LOL @ the idea of a family holiday with parents and teens the only participants. Aka the fourth, fifth, and sixth circles of hell.

OP, you'll see your sister's wisdom when your kids are teenagers.

It's absolutely the only way to go. Her reasons to do this are rock solid.

I've sent my DCs off with other families and I've brought other people's kids with us. A great time was had by all.

My parents always paid for my best friend to come with us once a year - it was amazing and I'm really grateful even now.

There comes a point where your adolescent becomes a miserable sod that hates holidays, so rather than leave them out you add one of their friends to get them to enjoy themselves instead of bringing the whole gang down.

I got to bring friends skiing in Switzerland and Austria when I was a teenager, and I went with friends’s to warmer countries sometimes for weeks. We had such great times, memories for life. My teenagers have brought their friends abroad several times. They have been holidays where we are pretty active, no all inclusive holidays and I know those friends would not have gone to those places with their own families. Some holidays we go just as a family.

The friends do need to understand beforehand that they will have the same rules as our children, and we will treat them the same. And that they need to listen to us (when they were younger teenagers)
It has always worked out really well. I like their friends. They like us.

This is so true! If they are happy they don't ruin the entire holiday.

The subject was broached about two months before the holiday. I paid for everything. Other families did the same for my DCs. I wouldn't have felt ok asking someone to pay anything. How embarrassing if they couldn't afford to contribute. They usually offered but I always said pocket money was enough.

Our holidays weren't fancy and thanks to a huge SUV we drove (in the US).

We are on holiday now with our kids, 18, 15 and 12. Eldest 2 have a friend each here. It's worked really well. Youngest would have liked to bring someone but her friends parents thought 2 weeks was too long. Maybe next year.

If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. But I’m not really sure why it seems to bother you that other people do, or what’s weird about it.

My sister’s best friend came on holiday with us when they were about 15. I was only 5 and my brother would have been 12 I think. My sister was a very sociable teenager into very teenage stuff so it was nice for her to have a friend for her to do stuff with and she definitely would have been way less stroppy and moody with her friend there. And we knew her friend really well, they were best friends for years and constantly at each other’s houses, so no awkwardness.

I also once went on holiday with with my friend’s family too - we were 14. They took me and her brother’s best friend too. It was honestly great. Her family were lovely, and made me super welcome. We weren’t difficult teenagers and we were happy doing family stuff. I saw her parents over 20 years later at her son’s christening and we were reminiscing, and her dad said “Do you know, I think that was one of the best holidays we ever had. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in a week before or since, the four of you were such good fun.”

I should add that I never actually wanted a friend to come on holiday with me, even when my siblings had stopped coming and it was just me - I had lovely friends but I got on really well with my parents and I quite liked doing grown-up stuff. But I was happy to go away with my friend’s family too.

My daughter (only child) is 9. We haven’t done it yet as it feels a bit young, but I’ll definitely be doing that when she’s older.
It is a family holiday - the priority being that all members of the family enjoy themselves

We took one of our son's friends away with us for the first time for a week back in may half term (both aged 13). We're really good friends with the family so know the child very well, know we have similar parenting styles/boundaries to his parents, and know he's a very polite/well mannered boy who is also comfortable in our company without his parents around (spends lots of time at our house and has had sleep overs etc).

It worked really well and the boys had a great time. Was great for our son as he's an only child and his friend is the oldest of 4 children, so he enjoyed time without younger siblings.

We paid for everything as he was our guest (was a UK self catering holiday, so accommodation was no more expensive and food not much more... Also could finally make use of 'family of 4' discounts that lots of attractions offer!). Just asked him to bring spending money for a couple of ice creams and coppers for the arcades. Will definitely do again.

Off on hols tomorrow with DD and a friend - we've done it before and they have a fab time. If it's not for you, fine, but it works for lots of people.

Just wait until you start taking boy/girl friends on holidays!

You have to discuss it up front.

It would be standard for guest child to pay for own flight (if applicable). Host family to pay for accommodation. Host family may ask for contribution to food/other costs. Guest child brings own spending money.

In my experience that's very normal!

You might feel differently about your kids friends when they’re older. They very much become part of your life. My son is about to start secondary school and he has friends that we’ve all known since he was 4. They come for sleepovers and I love driving them around and hearing them chat and laugh with each other.

Letting teens bring a friend is very common. I’m really surprised that you find it so unusual.

We have holidayed with friends since ours were about 3. It made it so much more of a holiday for everyone, parents and kids. Sadly, this year, DH and I are living apart, so my holiday was just me and DS12. He missed having friends to mess about with, and it was a very different dynamic. If DH is not home, future holidays, I will definitely be trying to take a friend with us, so they can entertain each other.

I went on my first aeroplane with my friend and her parents.

They'd booked the accommodation and we just paid the flight. I was working so contributed.

It was great.

Time just us so her parents could be together and time with us all together.

We've taken DDs freind twice aged 15 and 16. Its been brilliant and some of the best holidays now my oldest can't come because of work. She is a lovely kid though and I knew it would be ok.
We've holidayed alot with another family with similar aged kids too either staying in same accommodation or near each other.
I was allowed to take a freind age 16 and it was great - we were camping and had so much fun.

Unfortunately the idyllic idea of a family holiday with me and my dh and two kids is always very much better when others are involved 😆

When my sister and I were teens, probably from 11-15 ish we were allowed to bring a friend on our holidays. Only one at a time so it was either my friend or my sister's (due to room in the car!). We only went away in the Uk to a cottage. I have such happy memories of those holidays, getting to know a friend really well etc.

I think it's very difficult when you only have a child who's 3 to comprehend having an older independent child. My youngest is a girl who is 11 and she is very easy going. She has a couple of very close friends, one of whom I wouldn't have for more than a couple hours and the other I've had for a few days and is absolutely no bother at all.

Same with DS1 15 - his friends are mainly lovely and we've taken one glamping last year when the parents couldn't come and no bother at all. You just need to know the child. I fed DS's friend and said that he needed to come to me if he wanted more, told him to wash a few times and reminded him to pick pants off the floor and put in the suitcase and we played a few games. ...

I suspect it depends on the friend you take... I think you'd need to choose quite carefully.

We have just got back from a week abroad where DD brought her friend (14yr olds). We had an absolutely amazing time, they were great fun. We quite often let her bring a friend on holiday with us and did the same with our eldest (there’s a big age gap between them)