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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that taking your DCs friends on holiday sounds like a bit of a nightmare

126 replies

Zerocov1d23 · 09/08/2022 19:44

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

OP posts:
abblie · 09/08/2022 21:28

Doing it next year this year was just awful for our dd she was bored shitless and didn't enjoy adult company at all

Joyfuldays · 09/08/2022 21:37

I’m considering this for next year. My DS has been on holiday with 2 of his friends & is like to repay this. But for each dc to bring a friend gets terribly expensive & I’m a single parent. Does it feel ok? Somehow my DS fitting into their big family feels different!

Plenty of people do it!

mamaduckbone · 09/08/2022 21:43

I went away twice with my best friend's family when I was 16 and 17. It was fantastic - we did our own thing most of the time and met the family for dinner and the odd excursion. I spent half of my life at their house and knew her parents really well though.
My ds's are now teenagers but don't think either of them would want to bring a friend. At the moment they get on well on holiday (not so much the rest of the time!) The only time I can see it happening is when ds1 doesn't want to come with us any more and we just have ds2. I can't say I especially relish the idea though tbh.

yousolucky · 09/08/2022 21:49

MichaelAndEagle · 09/08/2022 19:46

I think you just can't imagine doing this because you have a 3 year old. Teenagers are a different kettle of fish entirely.

This ^

justmaybenot · 09/08/2022 21:52

went on a friend's family holiday a couple of times as a teenager, and invite my kids' friends (who are siblings) to join us now - usually just for part of the holiday, so they get the bus or train and we pick them up. It works really well, my dcs are occupied and we get to know their friends a bit better. We know the parents very well and I would never send my dcs on a holiday with another family unless I also knew the parents well.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/08/2022 21:53

You should be hoping that by the time your child is old enough to benefit from doing this, they HAVE friends you know well enough that it'd be an option.

You don't just pick a randomer from school, you pick someone you know well, probably whose parents you get on well enough with the either have a familiar parenting style or be relaxed enough about the differences...

I went on holiday with loads of friends as a kid, they came with us to wales, lake district, cornwall.. we went with them to scotland, cumbria. Some of them and their parents had joint or semi-joint (same area, different campsite or different villa etc) holidays with us.

I think more of our 'family' holidays were spent with either other peoples kids with us or with other families joining us than without, and they were all the better for it too! Fond memories in what was at times a pretty tough childhood!

yousolucky · 09/08/2022 21:59

Last year I was going away with my 8yo and 12yo DCs and my friend with her 7yo DC. I asked my 12yo's friend to come along, so she wouldn't be left out. I was apprehensive at first to be responsible for someone else's child for a week, but it made life so much easier, 2 younger children were playing together, while 2 12yo were doing their own little things.
OP's DC is still young, but to take someone else's 12yo is really not a big deal.

NancyJoan · 09/08/2022 21:59

My DD’s friends are not some random teenagers. They are girls I have known for years, have stayed at our house multiple times, have watched grow up and are now fun, chatty young women who are good company. So much so DH took them to their first festival a couple of weeks ago, while DS and I stayed at home. The perfect solution for all of us.

Hedonism · 09/08/2022 21:59

MichaelAndEagle · 09/08/2022 19:46

I think you just can't imagine doing this because you have a 3 year old. Teenagers are a different kettle of fish entirely.

Exactly this.

It may seem inconceivable at the moment but I've found that there comes a point where having an extra child around makes life easier rather than harder.

Boxowine · 09/08/2022 22:01

It's great. The kids entertain each other.

Hugasauras · 09/08/2022 22:02

I was an only child so my mum did this with my best friend occasionally. It was great! Her parents couldn't afford to take her on holiday so it worked out really well for everyone.

TheBestBitch · 09/08/2022 22:05

yousolucky · 09/08/2022 21:49

This ^

Show quote history

Yep
weve taken friends away, it’s great

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 22:06

I desperately wanted my parents to bring a friend of mine when we went on holiday, but our holidays would be the most they could afford for the five of us, so they couldn’t afford to bring one more, and weren’t prepared to alter the style of holiday. I was the only girl with two brothers, who were v close to each other, so I felt very on my own. Plus the place they liked to go every year was somewhere were no other kids/ teens spoke English so it was hard to really make friends (although ok I could have made an effort to learn!).

My kids (I have two) have a big age gap of. 5 years so might in some ways like me to bring a friend but it would have to be one each, and the youngest is too young for this (he’s 8). But I think they’d each get sick of someone else being there all the time tbh! The best thing was when we went on holiday with another family where they each get on well with one of the other children. Someone to play with but also breaks!

Soproudoflionesses · 09/08/2022 22:06

My dd is an only and we always take a friend away - only in the UK though.
Or better still, go away with friends with kids of the same age although l don't like the idea of her having to spend her holiday with kids she's not that keen on cos l am friends with their mum!
As a child l always used to go away with friends - loved it and would love for my daughter to be invited away. But it is quite a responsibility not to be taken lightly

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 22:07

But I would do it in principle!

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 09/08/2022 22:09

There is a big gap between my girls, so we've let oldest DD bring a friend away with us twice. UK holidays only, and I'm picky about the friend she invites. Worked well when my younger DD was little, my oldest had someone to play with and therefore didn't whine and drive us mad!

AuntieMarys · 09/08/2022 22:10

We've done it. Worked out fine. No need to be " weirded out"

basilmint · 09/08/2022 22:14

I can see why people do it, expecially with ky children, but I wouldn't want the responsibility of looking after someone else's child and I would feel I had to behave a bit differently than I would if it was just me.

A family on a campsite I was at recently had their DC and a DC's friend all together in a bell tent which I think would be awkward.

Teentaxidriver · 09/08/2022 22:15

We have done it a few times and, by and large, it has repaid itself by keeping children entertained and not bickering.

SquigglePigs · 09/08/2022 22:18

I think it depends on the kids and the parents. I was an only child and my parents often took my friends away with us for weekend or a longer holiday. It was great. We did things altogether but also I had someone to do things with too.

When I was younger (primary school age) my cousin often came as we were similar ages, then progressed to friends when I was at secondary school. Friends for a weekend might have happened earlier but I'm not 100% sure.

DD will be an only child and it's definitely something I'll be thinking about when she's older.

Thatiswild · 09/08/2022 22:20

I was once the friend invited and it was horrendous for me, a real insight into my friend’s life but I never saw them again. I was traumatised for years afterwards and a different really close friend’s family invited me a year later and I had to say no as I couldn’t cope with the idea of it. I explained a bit of why but I think they were really hurt.

Even though it was a really bad experience for me at 16, I would definitely consider taking my kids’ friends as I really like some of them and they’re good company - but I’d more want to make extra super sure they liked us as parents! as other pp have said just make sure you know them well!

StormzyinaTCup · 09/08/2022 22:20

I haven’t done this personally as my two seem to rub along ok on holiday, however, a friend of mine was going on holiday with her DH, DS and DD. Their DS had a steady girlfriend so they invited her along and said their DD could bring her good friend ‘Nancy’. Nancy spent the whole fortnight flirting with their DD’s older brother, in front of his girlfriend, wearing the skimpiest of swimwear and it was rather awkward for all concerned. They arrived home having seen a different side to Nancy!!

Sally872 · 09/08/2022 22:21

Wouldnt be for me. I would find it awkward and too much additional responsibility.

I can see the benefits though and understand why other people do it.

Tinkerblonde1 · 09/08/2022 22:23

When your children are three you have so much hope amd idealism. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out like that and you will do anything to make them smile. Even bringing a friend on holiday.

I have never asked any of dds parents for payment. It's just not me. They have offered though.

shinynewapple22 · 09/08/2022 22:24

We never took a friend of DS away on a family holiday when he was younger - but I have taken DS and a friend or two away during the school holidays whilst DH was working . They were around 12-14 so old enough to be out by themselves on the camp or in the resort . They had a great time whilst I put my feet up with a book.

We have also taken both DS and his GF away on at least one holiday per year late teens /early 20s.