To think that taking your DCs friends on holiday sounds like a bit of a nightmare

[Zerocov1d23]

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

I went on holiday with my best friend’s family when I was 16 and it was the most wonderful week. We were like sisters and in and out of each other’s houses all the time so her family felt like family to me, which maybe made it easier. But years later it’s still something I treasure having done, and her parents and brother talk about it to any time I see them! I think it can be lovely.

I’d wait until your son is older - you might want him to have such a lovely experience!

As I kid I would bring a friend to our summer house for the weekend. Or go to an amusement/water park for a day or overnight trip. I have to say that its a bit foreign to me to bring a friend on a week long holiday abroad. I can see doing something similar with my kids. Bringing a friend for a night to something relatively local but not for long periods of time.

my sister who is much younger got to take a friend twice on holiday for company mant my mum and dad could have some free time together-didn have to hang round with my sister moaning all day

I would feel I had to behave a bit differently than I would if it was just me.

Honestly this is partly why it works. There is less whining and eye rolling from the teens, less snapping and more patience from the parents. Everyone makes a bit more effort because there is a guest, and it pays off for all concerned.

My 15yo DD took a friend from primary on holiday with us this year. They've been in different schools for 6 years now but it wasn't awkward at all. We all had a bloody lovely time and can't wait to do it again. She made the holiday so much better. When 10yr old DS is a few years older, we will do the same for him.

As a child, I didn't get to bring a friend on holiday but my siblings and I rubbed along together well enough that we had plenty of fun. There wouldn't have been room in the car and the place we usually stayed at was already over-occupied by the five of us.

There are five years between my DC and we go away for a week, self-catering in the UK most years. Since the eldest was about 11, they've usually had a friend join us for two or three nights which has worked well. Now the youngest is 13, they are having a friend come along for part of the week at DC1's suggestion. All of us are looking forward to the different dynamic a friend on holiday creates. If DC1 decides not to come with us from next year then we'd invite a friend for the full week.

Friends with onlies have done this from age 8 onwards. Easier to keep them occupied with a friend.

My best friend came on holiday with us when I was 12 and we still talk about our memories of that holiday now 40 years later!

We go away camping for two weeks with another family every year so that the kids have each other for company and they love it. We couldn't do it if our DC didn't have the other DC to hang out with. If we didn't have this other family to go with we would absolutely allow the kids to invite a friend each.

My daughter has just been away on a short holiday with her best friend and her family and had a great time. Best friend's mum said it made the holiday easier having my DD there with them.

If we take a child away with us then we pay for everything. Everyone has sent their kids with spending money and a few insisted on giving a contribution, but we always budget as if they are another of our kids that we need to cover 100%.

I find it incredibly rude when people invite a child away then leave the parent to be the bad guy saying no because they can’t afford £400/500 for the teen to go away.

I always spoke to the other parent privately first to sound them out. If they said no then that was it.

We've not actually done it, but I think it can be a great idea once children are older if you either have an only child, large age gaps, or for whatever reason they are just not that good at hanging out together and enjoying each other's company. It can be a great way to change the family dynamics on holiday in a good way, rather than just repeating the same gripes and grumps that you have at home. Other people's children are usually much politer and more helpful than your own. Obviously you wouldn't offer to take very young kids, kids who are likely to cause trouble or whose company you don't all enjoy. We talking about doing it when my son was still at school and daughter was uni age and possibly not coming with us. But Covid.

One of my sisters was much younger and still going on holiday with my parents after we had stopped. She often took a friend.

There comes a point where your adolescent becomes a miserable sod that hates holidays, so rather than leave them out you add one of their friends to get them to enjoy themselves instead of bringing the whole gang down.

This!

We have just got back from a week away with DD's friend. They are both 15. We did it as DD is an only child. When she was younger, she was happy to chat and play with whoever but now she's older, we knew she'd find it harder to mingle being on her own. They had their own room next door to ours and it worked really well as they got time to themselves and so did we. When we went out anywhere, they could do their own thing and then we'd meet up. They had a few niggles with each other over the week but only in the same way siblings would and that was a very minor part of the whole week.

I’m about to fly back after another 3 weeks away with OH, my son and his mate. He’s come away with us every year since 2018. He keeps my teen busy, and because they’re both effectively only dc, they can spend time together or not.

as they get older it’s a bit more challenging so not sure how much longer we’ll take them both away, but it means WE get more time together as they do their thing (like sleeping till noon) and we do ours (like early trip to beach/explore)

We’ve never done it and I never will - teen girls here.

They do fight on holidays and they get bored but they also bond and we have downtime as a family. Our lives are filled with family and friends and we operate at a mile a minute but family holidays are just us.

I should add that for only children I get that it is different

Do need to point out that the ONLY kid I would take away with us IS this lad. Every other kid ds knows is a pain with food or just silly/annoying/up themselves/too fucking wet

I’d never ever EVER take any of my family/oh family. Been there. Done that. Utter disaster.

Our kids have never wanted to bring school friends on family holidays, which suits us. We wouldn’t be completely ourselves with their school friends there as we don’t know them well enough. We do go on holiday with our friends that have children that are our children’s friends, and we have taken our friends kids without their parents, but that feels fine as I’ve known them since they were born and I’m more like an aunt to them. All the kids get on well.

I went on holiday with a friend when I was 14 to the country she was originally from and had a great time. Parents were nowhere to be seen most of the time. They even went somewhere else for a few nights and left us, as we were staying in the house they still owned there. We had parties and got up to a lot of things we shouldn’t have. We thought it was great at the time but looking back it was really irresponsible of her parents. 😬

When I was 11-13 my best friend was an only child. I spent plenty of time at her house, so her family weren't strangers, and I went on holiday with them because it was more fun for her than just being with two adults.

I would happily do this if I had only one child (and I liked their friend!)

I also know couples with children who holiday with other couples with children. Single people who holiday alone or with friends. I think it's a ridiculously restrictive view to say holidays are only for family.

LOL you make a lot of assumptions, OP, incl what they ‘should’ have booked. According to you.

My parents booked holiday houses (UK) big enough for another family to come: their friends, our friends, relatives, different people across different weeks. We have such happy memories of this relaxed, friendly, cross generational holidays.

It keeps teens wanting to come on family hols at an age when friends become their world.

And I know my kid friends really well. Their families too. I like their friends. They are used to being with us with or without their parents.

Try not to feel weirded out by things that are not your experience and aren’t your business.

Unless they're nightmare children I think it's totally fine. What is a family holiday anyway, really? Certainly not a break, more an expensieve means of creating nice memories for the children, which they get with friends there too.

I think you've got a misperception if this OP. I went on holiday with my best friend's family at that age and it was great!! Her parents weren't awkward at all - so much more fun that my parents were. My friends sister (2 years younger) also had a friend on the holiday so the 4 of us would hang out on the beach, pool, shops, cafe together. Her parents would arrange meals out and movie nights and we had a blast. I'm sure it was easier for her parents as we did entertain ourselves a lot.

We do it. It's great. Usually a CP type holiday. Invite a friend, we pay food and holiday itself, parent pays for any activity child wants to do. Although, with the free swimming pool, that's most of the time occupied. We do insist on a family meal in the evening. Other than that, they're free to do as they please. IME, they spend most of their runs chasing boys. 😀

This was me too - even as a teen I liked family holidays, including with just my parents, and I didn't ever fancy inviting a friend along, but I did twice go on holiday with a friend's family and it was really lovely. Basically, I got to have a holiday doing grown-up nerdy things like wildlife watching and castles and nice restaurant meals, which I really enjoyed, and another holiday doing more kid/teen friendly stuff with my friend's family when I got to do stuff like amusement arcades and water slides and frisbee on the beach. Ideal!

We have done this a lot, make sure to ask friends you and DC know well. If we're driving and staying in self-catering I've never asked them to pay anything although they usually bring some spending money and parents often send some wine or extra money for an activity for everyone.

Taking friends abroad to villa type holidays friend pays their own airfare and we pick up the rest, and abroad on a package holiday friend pays their own per person cost and we pick up the rest.
Make it clear from the outset exactly what you're offering/asking them to pay so they make an informed decision. IME it is often kids with older siblings who are able to join us, I assume their parents are more used to the idea and used to DC doing their own thing rather than the family holiday as the OP sees it.