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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that taking your DCs friends on holiday sounds like a bit of a nightmare

126 replies

Zerocov1d23 · 09/08/2022 19:44

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

OP posts:
maddening · 10/08/2022 14:15

I went away with friends and their family twice, both times fab.

InvincibleInvisibility · 10/08/2022 14:27

Once our older brothers left home I went on holiday once with my best friend and she came once with us. It was really good fun and we d been in and out of each other's houses for years.

My 10 year old recently went for a long weekend with his friend and parents to stay with his friend's grandparents in their house by the sea. That was unexpected as DS is almost never invited to their house and has only been for 1 sleepover (their DS has been to ours loads).

The GPs and parents loved having DS there. They said it was no more trouble than just having their 2 boys and that actually he was easier to look after and much more mature and independent than their sons (yes I am proud of him but it has been work getting him to that point - they baby their sons a lot). DS absolutely loved it.

SpringIntoChaos · 10/08/2022 14:38

My kids are adults now, but we always took friends with us on holiday when they were teens...it just made life SOOOO much smoother all round 🤣 And they went away with their friends too 🤷‍♀️ It's pretty standard practise for teens! You'll probably change your stance by the time your 3 year old hits 14 🤣🤣

princesssparklepants · 10/08/2022 15:23

I imagine we will do this with DD as she gets older as she's an only.
Terrifies me slightly of sending DD off On a holiday without us though if the offer was reversed!

I went to florida with a friend when I was 16. Loved it. My parents would never have paid for us all to do that holiday.

Turnthatoff · 10/08/2022 15:25

My 16 year old brought her friend for a week. It was fine. I’d do it again.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/08/2022 15:29

I used to go on holiday with a friend when I was a teen as she was an only child. If I had just the one child I would probably have done the same as I would imagine them getting bored with just their parents as they get older.

However, I have two DDs who have always got on very well (obv occasional fall outs), so I've been lucky, there's been no need for extra company.

Becky6758 · 10/08/2022 15:54

Lots of people do it.

Come back in 10 years time and see if you feel the same.

SpiderVersed · 10/08/2022 16:09

Just wait until you have a teen, OP.

DS2 has gone camping with several of his friends’ families and had a great time.

DD has been away with her only-child pal on numerous occasions.

We took another of DD’s friends with us to Centre Parcs because her two brothers can leave her behind somewhat, and it was fantastic, very laid back and no bickering.

In our experience, the holidaying family pays, unless flights are involved then the visitor’s family pays their flight. Visiting child brings spending money and their parents drop round with flowers or wine as a thank you after.

RelativePitch · 10/08/2022 16:21

From the time my friends and I were 14 we were always on holiday with each other's families. It was brilliant. Would have been so bored with just my DPs and DB. I fully intend to take my DSs friends away in the future if their DPs let me.

Sartre · 10/08/2022 16:22

Great idea if you can afford it, most can’t. Must be lovely for the girls.

alloalloallo · 10/08/2022 16:27

We’ve taken my kids friends on holiday with us and it’s been great.

They go off and do their own thing, leaving us to chill a bit and not have to constantly entertain them.

We’ve just come back from Lanzarote having taken both my girls’ boyfriends and we all had a great time. We had days when we did stuff together and days where they went off on their own, they all got on well, no bickering, no one fell out, no one whinged they were bored.

SuperCamp · 10/08/2022 16:36

Amongst our friends it would be discussed amongst adults first. We all know that no one is wealthy. If the invitation is to a self catering cottage / villa it would be spending money and the cost of a plane ticket if abroad. Everyone is cool with this.

No one has been invited to 5* all inclusive with significant cost for the extra child, but if anyone went on such a holiday how the ££ was worked out would be pragmatic and no one would be offended. If it was a case of one family can't afford for whole family including adults to go on hol but could pay for a child to join another family then they may well pay for that child to go on that hol. If another family were desperate for child company for their kid they might insist on paying for friend.

There is no hard and fast rule about anything being 'rude'.

sancynancy · 10/08/2022 17:07

I think you may feel slightly different when you have teenagers

Mary46 · 10/08/2022 17:11

Its big responsibility around water thats just me. My dd is 16. Im responsible for that girl. So we never got into it. But yes company wise its nice.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/08/2022 17:28

Zerocov1d23 · 09/08/2022 19:44

To preface I’ve never done this as my DS is only 3 but my sister has her 2 DDs who are 13 and 15 and for the last few years she has taken to getting them each to bring a friend on family holidays. Her reasons are that her girls fight just the two of them and also it means the girls are entertained leaving her and her DH to get some alone time. To be honest I’m a bit weirded out by the whole idea. Firstly, a family holiday is just that, for family, and if you wanted an adults only break that’s what you should have booked not to mention would the friend feel totally awkward going away with someone who they only know through schools entire family, personally I know 13 and 15 year old me would have hated the idea. Secondly, I feel like I would be opening myself up to a whole load of stress as to how to entertain and parent another persons child especially given the ages of her DDs, what kind of boundaries can you draw and how far do you go in discipline if at all if the friend starts to cross it. Generally, I could never see myself doing it with DS in future years the thought of having some random teenage boy come on holiday with me sounds awful and I’m sure it wouldn’t exactly be great for this hypothetical boy either. That being said my sister seems happy with it so who am I to judge but it got me thinking does anyone else actually do this?

@Zerocov1d23

not everyone can book an adults only Break though as they have no one to look at the kids at home

so taking your kids friend away and having them entertaining each other is the next best thing

people work hard they want to relax on holiday not constantly having to be right their teens and entertaining them - why would you begrudge people that?!

Fifife · 10/08/2022 17:31

I will be taking DD and a friend away in future she's 9 and an only child. She needs constant entertaining on holiday if she doesn't make friends at the hotel.

Bickles · 10/08/2022 17:32

DS is an only and he’s 10. He has a close friend who he has known since they were babies and we are friends as a family as well.
we would take him with us when they are teens if they are still close and his parents allow. I know DS friend very well.

aSofaNearYou · 10/08/2022 17:32

I'm with you Op. My parents never did this for me and my sister and it would never occur to me to do it for my DC. Such a big expense!

whatthehelldowecare · 10/08/2022 17:36

We're just back from Tenerife with DSD(13) and her friend. It was great - did loads together but they also had a little independence (within the hotel) meaning we got some time to ourselves too. Her friend didn't feel awkward (as far as I know) and it was generally great. No complaints from anyone in our group!

Sswhinesthebest · 10/08/2022 17:50

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/08/2022 21:53

You should be hoping that by the time your child is old enough to benefit from doing this, they HAVE friends you know well enough that it'd be an option.

You don't just pick a randomer from school, you pick someone you know well, probably whose parents you get on well enough with the either have a familiar parenting style or be relaxed enough about the differences...

I went on holiday with loads of friends as a kid, they came with us to wales, lake district, cornwall.. we went with them to scotland, cumbria. Some of them and their parents had joint or semi-joint (same area, different campsite or different villa etc) holidays with us.

I think more of our 'family' holidays were spent with either other peoples kids with us or with other families joining us than without, and they were all the better for it too! Fond memories in what was at times a pretty tough childhood!

We’ve never done it as we always have extended family holidays and then another “family” one. Our family ones have always been lovely except for one memorable year when ds was 15 and miserable as hell, the entire time. A friend that year would have been perfect for him - and the rest of us!

Strangely enough by coincidence, the following year, there was another boy from school who happened to be at the same resort in Italy, at the same time. They literally bumped into each other. They weren’t good friends at school but I think it made the holiday for both of them.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/08/2022 17:52

I'd be happy to do this.

lalaloopyhead · 10/08/2022 17:59

My parents used to take my best friend on holiday with us when my sister got to an age of not wanting to come, and I went on holiday with her family once too...we were always in each others houses though and 30 odd years later we are still like members of each others families. Happy memories!

bluekostree · 10/08/2022 18:10

I'm one of 5 and often took a friend on holiday. I would let my dc take a friend in a few years.

Brigante9 · 10/08/2022 19:09

We took a friend each when I was about 12, my brother about 14. Me and my friend got on brilliantly, she half lived at my house anyway but my brother was totally fed up with his mate, who spent all his money asap in an arcade then got in trouble with the police for pushing a lawnmower into a stream, I think it was. Bloody pain in the arse.

MugginsOverEre · 10/08/2022 19:29

If my children didn't get on like a house on fire, we might be tempted to do it. For now, our 15DD, 12DD and 10DS all get on so well and love spending time together.

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