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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
ddl1 · 09/08/2022 18:27

To be honest, I think this is the most first-world of first-world problems, and you are making the most extraordinary level of fuss about it.

exnewwifeproblems · 09/08/2022 18:27

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/08/2022 18:22

@mam0918

I sometimes watch them ID my 55 year old mother + many other CLEARLY elder family members ... they are just being 'polite.'

Oh come ON!!!!!!!!!! 😂 That has never happened. A 55 year old woman 'and more elder family members', being asked for I.D. for booze. As if! 😆😂

There used to be a random "ask for ID" that came up on the tills when I worked in a shop. It wasn't me who picked the people, the till did.

OneTC · 09/08/2022 18:29

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/08/2022 18:22

@mam0918

I sometimes watch them ID my 55 year old mother + many other CLEARLY elder family members ... they are just being 'polite.'

Oh come ON!!!!!!!!!! 😂 That has never happened. A 55 year old woman 'and more elder family members', being asked for I.D. for booze. As if! 😆😂

We had a cashier working for us once that ID'd every single person because the till had a prompt built in on certain items. Some people take their jobs very literally

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 18:31

Blimey you act very young for a 28 year old too don’t you? Grow up.

Zooeyzo · 09/08/2022 18:33

I just don't get it. You said the assistant wasn't rude but maybe you felt embarrassed. Then had a cry at home? Your friend isn't being horrible but it's still not nice to hear that you're drama.

mam0918 · 09/08/2022 18:46

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/08/2022 18:22

@mam0918

I sometimes watch them ID my 55 year old mother + many other CLEARLY elder family members ... they are just being 'polite.'

Oh come ON!!!!!!!!!! 😂 That has never happened. A 55 year old woman 'and more elder family members', being asked for I.D. for booze. As if! 😆😂

It does happen fairly frequently but its CLEARLY fake and I really dont get the point.

It seems to be something people deem to be 'polite' to do to clearly older ladies, I find it patronising and creepy myself.

Maireas · 09/08/2022 18:48

exnewwifeproblems · 09/08/2022 18:27

There used to be a random "ask for ID" that came up on the tills when I worked in a shop. It wasn't me who picked the people, the till did.

Show quote history

This is why people should never be flattered by it.

mam0918 · 09/08/2022 18:50

exnewwifeproblems · 09/08/2022 18:27

There used to be a random "ask for ID" that came up on the tills when I worked in a shop. It wasn't me who picked the people, the till did.

Show quote history

see I would be tempted to believe this but it NEVER happens to my dad and uncle just my mam and aunts.

mam0918 · 09/08/2022 18:51

mam0918 · 09/08/2022 18:50

see I would be tempted to believe this but it NEVER happens to my dad and uncle just my mam and aunts.

Show quote history

Sorry not accusing you off lying, I do believe some places might do that.

I mean I would be tempted to believe thats whats happening to my mam.

Jem57 · 09/08/2022 18:56

No words!

PortalooSunset · 09/08/2022 19:05

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/08/2022 18:22

@mam0918

I sometimes watch them ID my 55 year old mother + many other CLEARLY elder family members ... they are just being 'polite.'

Oh come ON!!!!!!!!!! 😂 That has never happened. A 55 year old woman 'and more elder family members', being asked for I.D. for booze. As if! 😆😂

I fondly remember shopping with mil once, buying a few bottles of wine amongst other things. At the checkout, assistant mumbled something. Mil only caught the words "under 18" and began simpering and thanking assistant profusely.

Assistant then spoke more cleary and said "No madam, I'm calling the supervisor because I'm under 18!"

Id heard what he said the first time and was absolutely pmsl 🤣

Blueblell · 09/08/2022 19:10

Come back when you are 48 then you can cry

HaveYouAnyDreamYoudLikeToSell · 09/08/2022 19:10

Don't ever ask anyone in retail serving you with alcohol if they are going to ID you. It's tiresome and boring, bit like your reaction.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:14

@WiddlinDiddlin
No one though you were flirting with the checkout lad.

Well,

@Blue4YOU
@VanGoghsDog
@honeylulu
@CatsAreCrackers
@SleepingStandingUp

did.

To other responses: I wasn't crying in front of anybody. And my being upset was completely by myself 100%.

I am also increasingly confused by the many posters confused by my relationship status.

OP posts:
Bard6817 · 09/08/2022 19:16

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 09/08/2022 18:24

@Bard6817 MH issues do not make one behave like this; being an immature, attention seeking individual make one behave like this.

True. I did a disservice to those who struggle with genuine MH issues.

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 19:17

And my being upset was completely by myself 100%.
And then you announced it...

Jenster03 · 09/08/2022 19:17

I would love to be asked for ID when buying alcohol.
I'll blame my toddler for making me look old.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:18

DixonD · 09/08/2022 18:24

I used to have the same problem OP. I had to carry ID with me until I was at least 30 and actually, wouldn’t buy an age restricted product if I wasn’t carrying any and I’m 40 now.

But yes, there was a day when I realised I hadn’t been asked for it for a while. I was a bit disappointed but not upset.

If I was your friend I probably would have laughed it off. I don’t think it was necessary for them to insult you or start a row over it.

Thank you @DixonD , this is really close to exactly what I mean.

OP posts:
RenegadeMatron · 09/08/2022 19:20

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 14:07

@bloodyunicorns
So you're a man? Going out with a man? Really??

Yes, really. I don't know where it is on the planet you reside, but in the UK in 2022, this isn't really controversial.

To everyone else: I was absolutely NOT flirting with the (ugly, IMO) shop worker, so was not "hurt" or "angry" by him "turning me down" (as there wasn't anything to turn down.) Clearly most people are not recognising where I am coming from, so I'll just take that I'm BU and will not go out in public again and bother people by living my life.

I am literally visualising you saying this, clasping your floorlength fur coat around you, spinning on your heel and striding from the room Grin

#notadramaqueen

P.S. I think people are confused by your relationship status because MN is not the natural home of young(ish) gay men.

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 19:20

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:14

@WiddlinDiddlin
No one though you were flirting with the checkout lad.

Well,

@Blue4YOU
@VanGoghsDog
@honeylulu
@CatsAreCrackers
@SleepingStandingUp

did.

To other responses: I wasn't crying in front of anybody. And my being upset was completely by myself 100%.

I am also increasingly confused by the many posters confused by my relationship status.

No one is confused by your status it is just that it’s completely irrelevant to your story

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:24

RenegadeMatron · 09/08/2022 19:20

I am literally visualising you saying this, clasping your floorlength fur coat around you, spinning on your heel and striding from the room Grin

#notadramaqueen

P.S. I think people are confused by your relationship status because MN is not the natural home of young(ish) gay men.

Show quote history

I am not a drag queen or participate in drag @RenegadeMatron

OP posts:
Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 19:27

No reason why men can't wear fur coats, floor-length or otherwise!

ConfusedLove · 09/08/2022 19:28

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 14:08

FYI I didn't cry or have a meltdown, I had a little quiet few-tears cry to myself that lasted ten seconds, if that, in complete privacy, not a sob-fest like people are making it out to be.

Then why did you feel the need to mention it?

you are an attention seeker. I don’t blame your friend for being real with you

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:28

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 19:20

No one is confused by your status it is just that it’s completely irrelevant to your story

Show quote history

Well it was relevant because otherwise people would have assumed I was female and they would have judged I was taking into consideration what the (male) shop worker said like I wanted his attention if I hadn't stated my sex and sexuality (and his) at the start.

OP posts:
RenegadeMatron · 09/08/2022 19:30

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:24

I am not a drag queen or participate in drag @RenegadeMatron

Show quote history

I wasn’t implying ‘drag queen’, I was very much implying ‘drama queen’.

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