DD transgender

[lolypopp]

With no gender dysphoria?
DD 13 says she’s lesbian which DH and I are okay with. However she now claims to be a ‘trans masculine’ and doesn’t have gender dysphoria but says she feels happier as a boy. It doesn’t make sense to me. I do support trans people but isn’t dysphoria an entry level requirement?

She will be deep into the social media bubble of gender ideology, where affirmation is the only acceptable view. Do you monitor what she is watching, check her history etc.?

I do. I haven’t found problems with search history etc. Only thing is she uses Tik tok as a sole social media and is on it a lot

I'd be very worried about what she is watching online and who she is talking to. Many young lesbian and gay people are targets for dangerous lobby groups and organisations.

I'd ask her what she thinks a girl is and what she thinks a boy is.

This generation have shockingly conservative views about what it means to be a boy or a girl. Forcing them to say out loud that they are defining both in terms of stereotypes might encourage a bit more critical thinking.

Tik Tok is a huge part of the teans social media craze, the narcissistic naval gazing on there is horrendous.

Check out libs of tik tok

Teans = trans

Don’t worry, transmasculine just means you identify with more masculine gender traits than you do feminine gender traits. So she’s not saying she is a transman.

I think when you’re hearing “boy” she is actually saying “boi” which is an LGBT term for butch lesbians.

No gender dysphoria is necessary in her case.

She says she is a transmasculine transgender ‘boy’

But “boy” and “boi” are homonyms, they are pronounced the exact same way.
Also trans-masculine is a type of nonbinary transgender, not the same as transman.

I think I’d know based on context if it was boy or Boi

There's a huge social contagion aspect to the trend of girls saying they are boys (and it is this way round in particular). I would suggest (in the short term) close monitoring of social media, not much in the way of indulgence for this and steering clear of the likes of mermaids and stonewall. Your DD will almost certainly grow out of this.

I do support trans people but isn’t dysphoria an entry level requirement?

It was once upon a time but now it's transphobic to say that. I don't think a self declared identity is such a huge issue as long as it doesn't progress to childhood medicalisation or the use of harmful things such as binders. I think supporting "social transition" will be a judgement call for you but the Cass report was quite clear it's not a neutral act.

I would be aware of her social media use as PP pointed out, some people still think social contagion is debatable but something is driving the massive increase in adolescent girls being referred to gender services and I don't think it can all be explained by greater social acceptance when we see clusters of girls and whole friendship group coming out as trans.

I'd keep a watchful eye but not make a big deal out of it.

Exactly what TidyDancer said

Would you? She’s a transmasculine lesbian who’s not said she is a transman. (Btw, if she were a transman, she would be saying she is a straight transman, not a lesbian.)

Only boi makes sense in the context of a trans masculine lesbian. 🤷‍♀️

I think there’s definitely a difference between feeling you are a boy - so gender dysphoria - and wanting to be a boy which is what ‘trans masculine’ sounds like. I guess there’s more of an acceptance of your body as it is, but you prefer the world to see you as male? There’s an element of pretence I would say. Or choice. It implies to me that, if she had to continue on as a girl, she could deal with that. But presenting as male is preferable - she’s ‘happier’ that way as you say.
Whereas when someone is transgender they feel they are born in the wrong body, there’s no pretence for others it’s about how you truly see yourself and truly feel about your identity. It runs so much deeper. I don’t think it’s about being ‘happier’ - it about being happy full stop. The alternative is to be very unhappy. There’s certainly no choice involved. Same as when someone is gay.
I would just go with it, there’s no harm in it I suppose. Have you asked her more about it? She’s probably in the best position to explain what she means.

This ^^

Yes, I think this is a possible way to go. Tell her you don't know what 'transmasculine' means, and you really don't understand what she means when she says she feels happier 'as a boy'.

What does she mean by 'as a boy'? ... "No, I'm sorry, I just don't get it. What is it you feel happier as? What does 'being a boy' mean?"

"You're a girl. Are you?" "Oh, well, but what does "girl" mean?" "And what does "boy" mean?"

"No, sorry, still don't get it."

Keep asking. Try to appear sympathetic. But, really you don't understand what she's saying. Let her try (and fail) to explain it.

Good luck.

The vocabulary is constantly changing and evolving. She’s 13 so hopefully wanting sex yet.

Sorry NOT missing in above.

She came out as lesbian about a year before transgender. So I suppose it may have changed? I haven’t discussed her sexuality.

@lolypopp Firstly, you are posting in the wrong place, asking advice on trans issues from MN. MN posters are notoriously anti-trans. So if you really want to understand and be helpful, please go seek advice elsewhere.

Where I live we have a local youth gender care team and they can point people to the correct areas of support from professionals who understand and are able to help. You would be much better going down this avenue, rather than posting here and finding positive support for your child.

Often people come out with their sexuality to test the waters before they come out as trans.

However, it is a good step that your child can come speak to you. So keep the lines of communication open. Having a supportive family is the first step.

Absolutely this op
It's seems like it's getting out of hand with teens . I've got it with 2 of mine at the moment. I'm not particularly convinced it will stick. They change their identity more times than I can count in a week.
It will pass

'MN posters are notoriously anti-trans. So if you really want to understand and be helpful, please go seek advice elsewhere.'

The OP has had excellent, thoughtful, practical and empathetic advice so far

This. I think if you dig a little deeper you will find some of her friends have decided they are trans/non-binary/gender queer etc etc.

The problem is Trans kids get so much attention, which for young girls is very seductive. Teachers and classmates clamour to tell them how brave they are, it’s far more exotic to be a rainbow wielding trans kid than a boring lesbian.

Stonewall and Mermaids are definitely trying to trans out the gay.