DD transgender

[lolypopp]

With no gender dysphoria?
DD 13 says she’s lesbian which DH and I are okay with. However she now claims to be a ‘trans masculine’ and doesn’t have gender dysphoria but says she feels happier as a boy. It doesn’t make sense to me. I do support trans people but isn’t dysphoria an entry level requirement?

Fine, but it’s still not the time or place to have that conversation with a confused kid.

Amongst the teens I know it seems to be increasingly common to explore and experiment with both sexuality and gender. Teens, feel a huge amount of freedom to explore and express who they are in one way but conversely a lot of pressure to be something other than heterosexual.
I think it's great that she feels comfortable discussing it with you. Make it clear that you're supportive and understand that she's trying to work out who she is. Tell her you love and accept her no matter what and also let her know that she's free to change her mind a little further down the track. Nothing needs to be permanent just now. I think this is the best approach with young teens, acceptance, communication but steer away from and decisions that they might find hard to reverse.

I thought I was a boy

Decades before such things were talked about

I did have sone body hatred
Snd I did struggle with sexist stereotypes as well

I think it's incredibly difficult these days when what is man /women is now defined as a belief

I would focus on not caring about the words - she can't ever stop being female but that's just the biology and in all ways she is just the same as any boy - so to you she hasn't changed anything

Lots of love also - it's horrid growing up , coping with body changes you hate and getting increased sexual attention that you don't want and then failing to meet the requirements of the girl gangs , being excluded from the male ones , bring laughed at fir being you

So you wouldn’t ask a teen announcing a big life chance exactly what they meant by X and Y?

Who knows maybe the teen is dysphoric and not recognising it, maybe it’s something else, but unless they have someone to discuss it all with, step by step, they aren’t going to get clarity of thought, are they? Teen SM might be admirably accepting but it isn’t very discursive or analytical.

Well encouraging them to believe in it isn't going to help either.

It’s still not the time or the place to say ‘I don’t know why your generation are like this’ or whatever your phrasing was. It’s kicking her when she’s down and it’s unnecessary.

Do you ACTUALLY think gay men are thinking “yes, my attraction to men is the same as how a woman likes men, so I must be a woman”? Do you think they could be talked into that?

Well, actually yes, many HSTS males have openly admitted to transitioning because of their sexual attraction to the same sex, with that being the sole reason for their "feeling like a woman". (I'm not the person you asked btw)

Sure, I’d leave my door open to discuss things but I would not go all Spanish Inquisition on a 13yr old which is what the poster suggested. Asking questions with feigned ignorance specifically so she can “try and fail” to properly define things.

I knew I was a boy

But I was wrong

So you think the best time to do that is when a confused, 13 year old shares something that’s bothering her?

What are you talking about? One of the reasons the Tavi was shut down was because children who would most likely end up as gay adults were driven down the path the transition, without adequate, or in some cases, any counselling as Stonewall and Mermaids would scream about trans conversion.

Yet in their infinite wisdom it’s absolutely fine to label anyone who is gender non-conforming as trans.

Oh yes, let’s not forget that when anyone wants to detransition as they come to the realisation that they are in fact a gay male or female, they are offered no help and it’s explained away by saying “well they weren’t trans to start with”

If you can’t see the problem here, then you are complicit with a whole generation of young children and young people being sold a crock of shit by adults who should bloody well know better.

So I respectfully suggest that you take your own bullshit and shove it.

'I think that the reason this dangerous craze has got as far as it has is because people are too afraid to point out that it is all bollocks.'

I agree. It's also perfectly normal for teens to feel uncomfortable, uncertain, confused, and to try on new identities, which may well change multiple times

When do you think the best time would be? When she's asking for a breast binder?

No, when she’s realised that you can speak to her non-judgementally about feelings she’s having.

I don't see why it has to be one or the other.

Well, it’s either straight away or isn’t.

And it’s either ‘your generation are idiots, you should be more like me, what even is a feeling’? Or it’s respectful, open parenting where your kid actually trusts you not to be a cunt.

I believe many teenagers have some element of body dysmorphia, especially whilst they go through puberty, which is getting mixed up with gender dysmorphia.

Tik Tok is not helping. Any bandwagon to help them process their feelings\hormones will do.

You can be kind and respectful of someone's feelings without pretending to agree with the ideology.

And I wouldn't pretend to agree with the ideology, not even to be kind (given that it is the opposite of kind), not even on day one.

I'd just say look, you can like whatever you like, dress however you like, be attracted to whoever you like and I will love and support you no matter what. But I worry about you going down a path which has led other girls to want to change their bodies, by using breast binders, taking testosterone and having surgery. All of these things are incredibly damaging, and none of them will make you any less female, because it's not possible to change sex. I'd much rather see you express yourself however you want, but embrace your female body, because it's the only one you've got.

The risk of beating around the bush and not saying what you think is that one day you're saying yes OK dear, I'll use your new pronouns and the next day they don't understand why you're not supportive when they want to bind their breasts and get referred to a gender clinic. There are thousands of anguished parents out there who tried being kind and supportive and are now wishing they'd been honest instead.

We're currently going through this with our 12 year old DD. It came totally out of the blue for us, she was always a very girly girl, and even since telling us she'd "feel more comfortable as a boy", and that she would do everything in her power to make it happen, there have been no signs of it. She's still wearing very feminine clothes, paints her nails, has just started wearing a bit of make up, if she hadn't said anything I'd never have guessed there was anything. We didn't affirm anything and just decided to watch and wait, and increase the monitoring of her online activity. We've not even seen anything worrying there and we monitor it heavily. It's been a good 7 or 8 months and she seems to be getting more and more feminine with things. We're hoping it's just going to pass and is already doing so. I'm happy to chat with you by private message if you would like.

Their generation are children, and they need us to be the adults, not their friends.