DD transgender

[lolypopp]

With no gender dysphoria?
DD 13 says she’s lesbian which DH and I are okay with. However she now claims to be a ‘trans masculine’ and doesn’t have gender dysphoria but says she feels happier as a boy. It doesn’t make sense to me. I do support trans people but isn’t dysphoria an entry level requirement?

She might be genuinely trans, but is more likely caught up in the current social contagion. I know so many teenagers with multitudes of gender issues and ideas. They feed off each other. It's like everyone wanted to be a punk rocker back in my day.

If she was my daughter I would pander to it a bit but get her involved in some activities well away from social media. She will likely grow out of it.

At 13 I’m sure she’s quite confused about herself so I would just continue to support her and tell her not to worry about gender stereotypes.

There’s a very big chance this is just a phase like the goth or emo phase and she’ll grow out of it.

What she will remember is how much you supported her anyway.

We had 6 months of constant change with DD when she started secondary school. She was bi, she was gender neutral, she was gay, she was gender fluid and then finally announced she was transitioning. We sat and had a chat about all the different feelings she might be experiencing and the one that dominated was fear that if she didn’t ‘try’ to be trans or gay she would be labelled transphobic or homophobic. She broke down because she didn’t know what to do because lots of her friends had changed names. We explained that she didn’t need to do anything she wasn’t happy with and we loved her 1000% regardless. There are many pressures on these kids and I guess it’s a case of talking and explaining you’ll always be there. DD has decided she is gay and has been dating a girlfriend from school
for over a year.

Yes, I think this is a possible way to go. Tell her you don't know what 'transmasculine' means, and you really don't understand what she means when she says she feels happier 'as a boy'.

What does she mean by 'as a boy'? ... "No, I'm sorry, I just don't get it. What is it you feel happier as? What does 'being a boy' mean?"

"You're a girl. Are you?" "Oh, well, but what does "girl" mean?" "And what does "boy" mean?"

"No, sorry, still don't get it."

Keep asking. Try to appear sympathetic. But, really you don't understand what she's saying. Let her try (and fail) to explain it.

Good luck.

I can’t help but picture you handing the OP an electric cattle prod as you calmly say ‘Good luck’…

Gosh, what a horrible way to address it. Please don’t talk to your daughter this way, feigning understanding whilst trying to trip her up. That sounds so manipulative and conceited - and also really creepy and unnerving. I get a sort of ‘Professor Umbridge’ vibe from this - all smiles while having a deceitful motive. If you don’t agree with what she is doing and you believe she is basing this on misconceptions regarding gender stereotypes just be upfront about it and explain it properly yourself.

Who would seriously treat their child this way?? Fucking crazy cakes, you’d make a great villain in a torture film.
‘No I don’t understand…’ big ominous grin - bzzzzzzz electric shock. ‘Let’s try this again…’

Anyone else struggling with all the terminology?
At 58 I know I’m past it but I genuinely am left behind here!

Have a look at the resources here OP. Most important thing is she doesn’t feel she has to label herself. The trans movement is very fashionable among young girls at the mo. She’ll grow out of it. Just make sure she isn’t exposed to brainwashing recruitment type groups.

www.transgendertrend.com/resources-for-parents/

That questioning technique you despise was the main way Greek philosophers, including Socrates, taught their students how to think for themselves. But you go ahead and fantasise about cattle prods if you want. 🙄

Jesus Christ, don’t do this! It’s passive aggressive and horrible, she’ll just stop talking to you completely. I’d just let her speak to you about how she’s feeling, be a sounding board for the time being.

Everyone is. It’s deliberately impenetrable to keep one step ahead of logic. (Meaning the teen trend thing, not old fashioned dysphoria.)

For the love of God please do not ask for advice for trans issues here!

Yes, I think you’re right. You have to encourage reflection and rational self examination. Obviously the conversation would take place over days or weeks. I think some PPs were reading it as one breathless harangue.

Your questioning technique bears no resemblance to the Socratic method. For example, you’ve not put forth a thesis statement for examination at all, which is the first step.

Shes 13, she doesn't know what she is yet

You don’t have teens, do you?

She was proposing a parenting technique, but a formal debate. But there is absolutely no harm in getting a child to define their terms. No big decision should be unexamined.

NOT a formal debate, I mean.

I don't think it's passive aggressive, I think it's direct.

If you don't think a girl is a female child and a boy is a male child, that means you think a girl is a child who likes feminine things and a boy is a child who likes masculine things.

There aren't really any other possibilities. It's sex or stereotypes. Pick one.

This generation have gone for stereotypes, which is not only regressive in itself, but horribly damaging if you internalise the idea that you need to change your body to fit the stereotypes.

I'd just say, "In my day we believed that girls could like whatever they liked and do whatever they liked, including stereotypically masculine things, and still be a girl and not feel the need to change their name or their pronouns or their body. I don't understand why your generation doesn't believe this."

It’s not direct. It’s putting gender-critical beliefs
front and centre as the topic for conversation, and that will just push her kid away. ‘Let her try (and fail)’ ffs.

@Lottapianos did you read the post telling the op to feign ignorance, back her 13 year old into a corner and watch her “fail”? Yes, very thoughtful 🤔

Get her off TikTok.

If she still feels trans 6 months from now, then it might be a thing. But it won't be.

She wasn’t saying to feign ignorance. She was advocating being open about her genuine confusion and expressing it step by step.

I do have teens. Well only one is still a teen as just had a birthday and my 19yo turned 20. But still have the 18yo. And two others that are mid20s. So very familiar with teens,

But that’s got nothing to do with making a claim that a made up parenting technique is what was used by Socrates and Ancient Greek philosophers to teach students to think for themselves. The poster was dismissing good criticism of her parenting technique by pretending it is something oh so great that only a person with a classical education would know about. It was sneering and at core a false claim.

Being gender critical isn't a belief system.

It's being sceptical of the belief system (that we all have magical pink or blue identities which either match or don't match our genitals).

That questioning technique you despise was the main way Greek philosophers, including Socrates, taught their students how to think for themselves. But you go ahead and fantasise about cattle prods if you want. 🙄

All right then, great scholar of Greek Philosophy 😂😂😂
I don’t know much about Socrates or Greek philosophy… but I guess the ‘Socrates’ approach to parenting teenagers would make for an interesting read.