DD transgender

[lolypopp]

With no gender dysphoria?
DD 13 says she’s lesbian which DH and I are okay with. However she now claims to be a ‘trans masculine’ and doesn’t have gender dysphoria but says she feels happier as a boy. It doesn’t make sense to me. I do support trans people but isn’t dysphoria an entry level requirement?

I’m not really sure how much further we can take this conversation. Saying to a struggling child ‘your generation is wrong, mine is right’ and waiting for them to fail seems, to me, to be unkind and unnecessary when they’re already struggling.

No, I’m not saying that. I think you’ll find that honour lies with Mermaids who go into schools with a sliding scale of gender. Barbie in one end GI Joe on the other. It’s no secret that Mermaids are pushing this narrative.

I couldn’t care less if a boy wants to grow his hair and play with dolls, or a girl likes sports and short hair. Neither of those things determine a child’s sexuality, and it’s ridiculous that our children are being fed that if they do they are or might be ‘in the wrong body’.

I do.

I don't think most kids know what their sexulaity is at a young age and I don't think it should be defined at a young age. And that is for straight/ gay / bi. Just let kids be kids, fancy who they want and just get on with it. No one at 9 needs to be attempting to change sex or declare they are one specific sexuality.

Apologies for my part in detailing this dIscussion OP.

I'm struggling to think of anything more unkind that encouraging them to believe that they can choose whether they are a boy or a girl, tbh.

And who said that was an option?

I'm not saying this is the case here, but when I was her age about 80% or the girls in my school year 'came out' as lesbians. 2 of them have had relationships with women since then. That's it. Everyone else was just following the 'trend'. It's very strange but it's what teenagers do.

She might be a lesbian. She might be transgender. She's not both.

We are talking about a girl who says she wants to be a boy.

This is exactly how mum treated me when I told her I was bisexual, she still does it now to some extent. Unfortunately she did that with every aspect of my life she didn’t agree with and thought was a phase and it lead to a lot of very unfortunate but very very preventable things happening to me that could’ve been avoided if she just listened to me and supported me instead of thinking her way of thinking was always correct.

I do still have a relationship with my mum but not a good one at all and I would never go to her to about anything unless it was the very last option and it’s been that way since I was around 15. Why would you rather see your child fail and show yourself to be someone she can’t speak to about things rather than support and try to actually understand more?

Right, but has one single person said to say ‘that’s fine, you can be a boy’?

That's what you are doing tacitly if you go along with it instead of gently challenging it.

No. Allowing your child to tell you how they’re feeling without saying ‘your generation are wrong’ is not the same as saying ‘that’s fine, you can be a boy then’.

@Pumperthepumper children and young people have been told they can change sex. Lots of them believe it’s a given- something they can just identify into. It’s a cruel lie.

Yes, well as I said before, there are a lot of parents of children too far down the trans rabbit hole who wish they had expressed their views a bit more firmly at the beginning rather than just nodding and rearranging their face into something they hoped resembled a supportive expression.

Social contagion. I can guarantee you that twenty years ago she would not have claimed any sort of male identify, nor would she have secretly longed for one beyond the way many of us felt as teens as we became aware of the crushing reality of gender expectations.

Well, there’s nothing to say that would have changed anything at all.

That’s a totally different thing though. This is an immediate confused 13 year old, and there are posters on here who’d have her harangued into silence because she dared mention how she was feeling to her own mother.

Just say ' that's nice dear' and carry on as normal. If she's genuine then it isn't massively going to change anything. If she grows out of it, it isn't massively going to change anything. She'll faff with her hair and clothes a bit either way.

You guarantee that nobody 20 years ago experienced these thoughts and feelings do you?
Gosh that's a pretty big claim.
I'm pretty sure plenty of people did have these thoughts and feelings (I was one) it was just much harder to express them, especially as a vulnerable teen who wanted to be accepted.

What are you on about? She's had a range of useful advice.