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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents should stop their children talking on and on to people?

188 replies

CanIReadPls · 08/08/2022 10:30

I'm probably going to sound like an absolute Cruella Deville here but...

I was returning from abroad at the weekend. The flight was delayed and we ended up sat at the gate for a while.

There was a little girl of about 5 with her parents sat two rows in front facing me.

She came up to me and asked about a bracelet I had on - fine. Very sweet.

But then she was talking to me for agessssss. Question after question, telling me about her holiday, her birthday, her new toy and on and on. Her parents knew as well as they kept looking over to make sure she'd not disappeared.

I was very obviously reading a book. It ended up being a good half an hour, probably longer, before we were finally called to board and she went off to her parents.

AIBU to think you call your child back over to you once they've made a small amount of conversation with someone or is this totally acceptable to just leave your child going on and on at a stranger trying to read?!

I do have kids, I know they are chatterboxes sometimes and my own DC have asked people questions in the park or something before. But I'd always call them back over after a minute or two or say 'come on let the lady ready her book/walk her dog / get on with her day' or whatever.

I'd never just sit there whilst my child pestered someone for half an hour or AIBU?

OP posts:
happinesslovescompany · 08/08/2022 20:25

Honestly I still feel like a proper CF. In 1983 we took our kids to Tenerife for a paupers holiday (all we could afford to eat was boiled eggs, bread and jam). Our most chatty child was placed next to newly weds on the return flight. We were happy that they were experiencing how clever our girl was. It's only in later life that we know they're probably on Mumsnet saying how their honeymoon was ruined by the chatty kid. If you read this we are truly, truly sorry! We're now proper old fuckers now and the kids can't be arsed but we still KNOW WE WERE WRONG!

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:25

I find England very intolerant to kids, Scotland and Wales less so. Then basically the further east I’ve gone the more welcoming people have been. I honestly don’t understand why you can’t just ask anyone not to talk to you if you don’t want to interact with them.

PuzzyGalore · 08/08/2022 20:26

5zeds · 08/08/2022 17:28

@PuzzyGalore would you be equally proud of ignoring someone elderly or disabled? Would you assume that they were looking for you to be their “carer”. You were rude to someone and are proud of it. Why is that?

I was completely unaware of the child. I was with my DSis and having a conversation with her. Why would I be looking around for passing random children who might want to talk to me.

I have always been taught to give the person I am talking to my full attention. Don't you or are you one of those people who is always looking your phone, the contents of your hanky, etc?

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:46

Manners usually include being aware of your surroundings and others, but I read your post as you had ignored the child on purpose. If it was just you once overlooked a child and it’s mother was upset, then I don’t really get it but I can see it wasn’t meant.

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2022 20:47

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:25

I find England very intolerant to kids, Scotland and Wales less so. Then basically the further east I’ve gone the more welcoming people have been. I honestly don’t understand why you can’t just ask anyone not to talk to you if you don’t want to interact with them.

Where further east? Because I’m from one of the countries in ‘the east’, and outside of holiday resorts where they kinda have to smile sweetly and tolerate whatever, there really isn’t this mythical idyll of a country where children are never criticised and are always welcome. Actually, I can think of a lot of eastern countries where the people are stereotyped as abrasive, cold, and standoffish.

Children may be welcome, but they’re also expected to behave in a certain way, appropriate for where they are. The old lady in Greece that smiles and coos at a child is the same one that wouldn’t hesitate scold said child if they saw them misbehaving. You can bet parents would take an issue with that here.

A lot of countries ‘in the east’ are also much, much more direct in communicating and speaking their mind, and it’s not considered rudeness. I consciously have to code switch depending on whether I’m in the UK or my birth country.

rainbowmilk · 08/08/2022 20:56

“The east” is often trotted out on here as if large swathes of the globe are identikit countries with the exact same approach to children (see also “continental Europe”). I’ve lived in Japan and children there are typically expected to be quiet and not bother people. I never saw people being expected to chat to a random person’s kid whilst they were on their phone - it’d be the height of bad manners.

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:58

Children may be welcome, but they’re also expected to behave in a certain way, appropriate for where they are

A lot of countries ‘in the east’ are also much, much more direct in communicating and speaking their mind, and it’s not considered rudeness.

True. So OP could have expected to say she didn’t want to talk.

PuzzyGalore · 08/08/2022 20:59

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:46

Manners usually include being aware of your surroundings and others, but I read your post as you had ignored the child on purpose. If it was just you once overlooked a child and it’s mother was upset, then I don’t really get it but I can see it wasn’t meant.

I would never ignore a small child on purpose but just don't notice them. I'm very short sighted so a small blurry shape isn't going to make much of an impression on me. If he or she is screaming at me yeah will notice but in that case I would expect the parent to remove it

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2022 21:09

5zeds · 08/08/2022 20:58

Children may be welcome, but they’re also expected to behave in a certain way, appropriate for where they are

A lot of countries ‘in the east’ are also much, much more direct in communicating and speaking their mind, and it’s not considered rudeness.

True. So OP could have expected to say she didn’t want to talk.

Except OP’s not in the monolith known as ‘the east’, and is loathe to appear rude. She also, reasonably, expects people to oversee their children and not expect a stranger to entertain them.

5zeds · 08/08/2022 21:11

I think I’d expect her to manage to tell a five year old that she wanted to read her book…but then I’m from “the east”.🤣

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2022 21:27

5zeds · 08/08/2022 21:11

I think I’d expect her to manage to tell a five year old that she wanted to read her book…but then I’m from “the east”.🤣

and yet you wouldn’t bother to keep control of your stranger-bothering offspring so she wasn’t disturbed in the first place.

Darbs76 · 08/08/2022 21:29

I’d have definitely called mine back or gone over and said come on now the lady is busy reading her book. It is quite rude to just allow her to talk for 30 full mins

orangetriangle · 08/08/2022 21:50

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it personally doesnt bother me talking to children love kids mine are grown up now
However I would not let mine out of my sight to talk to strangers for any length of time if at all my daughter when young would talk to all and sundry if you let her but equally she was very nervous if getting lost etc
As a child in the 70s I would chat to all and su dry I must have been downright annoying !!!

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 08/08/2022 22:20

I would probably call my child back after 5 minutes. However I do think it is a situation your could have handled by being firm about ending the conversation.

I mean I have tons of people who talk to me when I don’t want them too (I have one of those faces) and ending unwanted conversations is a real skill.

Bunnycat101 · 08/08/2022 22:51

I have a child like this and I’m really conscious that she needs reigning in. It’s quite hard to find the right balance because her confidence is brilliant but I don’t want to piss off others too much. I am very good at deflecting through with other people’s children as I’ve had so much practice winding up the conversation from my own child.

5zeds · 09/08/2022 00:30

@whumpthereitis my children are grown, but as I said upthread no I wouldn’t particularly tell them not to talk to anyone. They absolutely would have been expected to leave people alone if asked but I don’t think that’s what OP did. I personally talk to all sorts of people all the time. I wouldn’t have the slightest problem saying I wanted to read my book if that’s what I preferred though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 01:39

If I were the parents I would definitely have called her back after a couple of minutes.

I would also have told her to go back to her parents in your shoes. I know you say you tried but it’s possible to be direct without being horrible.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 01:40

PS my son would also do this quite often if allowed - will chat to anyone - so I do have to do plenty of calling back!

georgarina · 09/08/2022 04:14

I would call my child back, laugh and say sorry they're very chatty!

In the opposite situation I would also say "I've got to read my book now, it was nice talking to you - let's find your seat"

Ideatcakeforbreakfast · 09/08/2022 19:49

My son is also a chatterbox and will talk to absolutely anyone about whatever is on his mind! I haven't witnessed him going off to talk to someone without me yet but usually when he's with me, I make a conscious effort to end the conversation with the awkward looking adult he has encountered. Saying that, I would most definitely call him over if he was talking the ear off some poor soul! He's delightful in many ways, but really can't read social cues yet.

Richconstance · 10/08/2022 16:21

Defo YANBU! I love kids, but I'm kid free (extremely rarely) and I get stuck with someone else's, I'm like oh please do go away 😂i would ALWAYS give it one or two questions, then "right cmere and stop annoying said person"

Ps. God forbid you'd post something not life or death 🙄 oh do eff off judgey moaners

Banana2079 · 10/08/2022 19:09

Some pretty crappy comments on here she’s a little girl she chose you to talk to you I would be flattered usually my face scared little kids away lol
Instead of bitching on here be glad that you can afford to get on the flight and have a holiday even if a little innocent child spoke to you
you just needed to say go Back to mummy now as I want to Read my book but Glad u had a good holiday
.
Though saying should have charged parents for childcare seriously get a life

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 12/08/2022 08:36

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 08/08/2022 13:46

You're right. I'd have said 'okay now stop bothering the lady she wants to read her book' and if you wanted to chat to her you would say 'no, it's fine' and I would let her carry on, if you said nothing I'd keep her entertained myself.

Those people are using you as free childcare.

Exactly this!

I am a kid person, I will happily chat to children other than my own (I work with them, but generally 10-15 minutes is max for small talk with a child I don't know and wouldn't assume other people would want to chat even that long.

I would definitely check in that they weren't bothering the person after a couple of minutes and if they said it was fine, still wouldn't leave them more than 10 minutes

Pre children of my own a little girl started playing peekaboo with me on an airplane, after a few minutes her mum tried to dissuade her from bothering me, I said it was fine she's a cutie, 10more minutes and it was definitely wearing thin! Ha. 30minutes is just taking the Mick! If the parents had being paying close attention they would have notice your body language change when she wouldn't take the hint to leave and let you read!!

MarshaBradyo · 12/08/2022 08:38

You don’t have to chat just say that’s great or whatever where are your parents? I’m going to read my book now

that type of thing

HateKarens · 12/08/2022 17:19

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