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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents should stop their children talking on and on to people?

188 replies

CanIReadPls · 08/08/2022 10:30

I'm probably going to sound like an absolute Cruella Deville here but...

I was returning from abroad at the weekend. The flight was delayed and we ended up sat at the gate for a while.

There was a little girl of about 5 with her parents sat two rows in front facing me.

She came up to me and asked about a bracelet I had on - fine. Very sweet.

But then she was talking to me for agessssss. Question after question, telling me about her holiday, her birthday, her new toy and on and on. Her parents knew as well as they kept looking over to make sure she'd not disappeared.

I was very obviously reading a book. It ended up being a good half an hour, probably longer, before we were finally called to board and she went off to her parents.

AIBU to think you call your child back over to you once they've made a small amount of conversation with someone or is this totally acceptable to just leave your child going on and on at a stranger trying to read?!

I do have kids, I know they are chatterboxes sometimes and my own DC have asked people questions in the park or something before. But I'd always call them back over after a minute or two or say 'come on let the lady ready her book/walk her dog / get on with her day' or whatever.

I'd never just sit there whilst my child pestered someone for half an hour or AIBU?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 08/08/2022 14:14

Send them back to their parents... big smile "it was lovely chatting but I'm going to read my book now-off you go to mummy and daddy".

My 6 year old loves a chat so I'm always on hand to usher him away from the poor strangers he latches on to Grin

HairyScaryMonster · 08/08/2022 14:14

My dd is nearly 5 and old enough to get on with it at the park. I'll look up from my book to see her chatting away to a parent. I always go over and give the parent an out.

Umbonkers · 08/08/2022 14:26

drawacircleroundit · Today 14:08
Umbonkers · Today 14:04
I was once in a local cafe with my 2 DC having breakfast. One of the school mums (whos DS was a friend of my DS) came in with her kids (DS and younger DD) She sat at a table with some friends and their DC while her kids joined us at out table !
She was chatting away with her friends oblivious ( she had form for this) and making no attempt to retrieve her children while they proceeded to make themselves at home and get toys etc from the box in the cafe to play with. I told them firmly to go and sit with their mum and ushered them away - I was spending time with my kids, not entertaining someone else's - I would never let my kids impose themselves on someone else like this. I can't believe people suggesting that the onus was on the OP to tell the child to go away and not the parents to retrieve their child !

…but the parents weren’t retrieving their child.
So the onus was on OP.

My point is that it shouldn't have been up to the OP as some people seem to be suggesting !

JanePrentiss · 08/08/2022 14:28

Look out op for a pic of you having your ear bent by this child while parents say "My dc spotted this lady on her own and said" Mummy, this lady is sad and alone" and my wonderful dc selflessly stood with her to talk to her so she wasn't alone #Be kind #selfless acts #isnt my dc amazing #stealth boast #patronising benevolent arseholes 😂😂

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2022 14:28

I remember being sat in a service station in quite a bit of pain (I shouldn’t have been traveling at the time but didn’t really have too many other options), taking some time for myself because of said pain, and someone specifically came up to me to tap me on the shoulder and tell me off for ignoring his toddler that had apparently been trying to engage me. I hadn’t even seen or heard the kid as I had headphones on and my eyes closed. That one was definitely a WTF moment and I wasn’t particularly polite in my response to him.

IGiving a child free reign to bug other people is not on, no matter how ‘cute’ it may be for the parent/parents. That said, I don’t understand feeling awkward about telling a child to go back to their parents. An aspect of that may be a cultural thing though, fear of being seen as ‘rude’ (that’s an observation, rather than a criticism).

LondonWolf · 08/08/2022 14:29

Oh I couldn't agree more! I used to take both my children to an activity and there was a family who also attended where the oldest children did the activity but the youngest was too young - approx 4 yo. That child would hold court, silencing multiple parents while their mother looked on smiling fondly. I just didn't understand how she could allow it. It was excruciating!

TattiePants · 08/08/2022 14:33

I’d keep an eye on Facebook OP. Her parents have probably taken a picture of you both and will be posting about how proud they are of their DD who spotted a ‘lonely’ woman and went to keep her company!

jammiewhammie65 · 08/08/2022 14:40

HairyScaryMonster · 08/08/2022 14:14

My dd is nearly 5 and old enough to get on with it at the park. I'll look up from my book to see her chatting away to a parent. I always go over and give the parent an out.

Just call her away !

SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2022 14:42

DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 08/08/2022 13:44

I might have felt sad if the parents called their child back. Like they thought their child was in danger or something because I'm a stranger.

There's a massive difference between a friendly "ok Kwazi, let the lady read in peace and come back here" and a stressed shouting "Kwazi get AWAY from the PERSON right NOW!!!"
If you react to the first with sadness because they think you're a lunatic, that's on you

jammiewhammie65 · 08/08/2022 14:44

5zeds · 08/08/2022 13:46

If you are talking to someone and want to read say so. Why do you need that persons relative to help you? Confused

How would you feel if you were talking to someone and your mother/husband/child said “come back and leave that person in peace”? It’s weirdly undermining.

Because that person was five years old for goodness sake ! That's why children have parents to guide them through life they don't know what's is acceptable and what is not. So parenting a child is now called undermining a child. I've heard it all now. Classic mumsnet

Sartre · 08/08/2022 14:45

I would have called mine back straight away personally, certainly wouldn’t have left them for half an hour! If it ever happens again encourage them to return to their parents.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2022 14:47

The onus SHOULD be on the parents but if they're not stepping up, the point is OP doesn't have to be a hapless victim forced to listen. If I come and flick you on the forehead continually, the onus is on me to not be a dick and stop it, but if I didn't stop, presumably you'd stop me. Same thing

Phos · 08/08/2022 14:57

I have a child like this. I am really sensitive to her annoying people so I generally do go and rescue them after a short chat (a few minutes). She can be a bit handsy although we've (mostly) managed to get her to understand we only cuddle family members, I am on the lookout for that too. So no, you're not unreasonable. I've got a fairly high tolerance for chatting to kids (used to my daughter's wittering) but even so we all have limits and half an hour is really inconsiderate of those parents!

CulturePigeon · 08/08/2022 15:00

Oh yes, OP, most definitely.

There's a great cartoon by Posy Simmonds which I wish I had the skills to upload where a child on a train is boring the pants of several other adults about Harry Potter while the parent is happily reading her magazine.

Far from being mean-spirited, I think it's neglectful to let your children ramble on and on - they need to be taught (tactfully and gently) the skill of conversation. No-one needs to be mean - it just needs parents to interject, perhaps to ask the other adult a question etc. I always get stuck with little kids nattering, and I was at one time a teacher, so it really was a busman's holiday. Sorry - don't mean to sound conceited, but I think I was pretty good at listening to children and unfortunately this got me stuck a few times.

It's lovely when children to engage in conversation with adults, but they need supervision to learn the skill of 'they speak/the other person speaks'. They need to learn to listen too as well as chatter. It's particularly important because children often obsess about a particular interest (quite natural) and boy, it can be hard work responding or trying to change the subject.

raisinghell · 08/08/2022 15:12

girlfriend44 · 08/08/2022 12:44

why didnt you put your book down and chat to her and the family. It never ceases to amaze me how people can chat on forums but dont want to make conversation with ppl in real life.

You can read your book in bed or another time.

What a ridiculous comment. I don't know where to start...

CruCru · 08/08/2022 15:23

I expect the other parents were enjoying a few minutes of peace. Or they genuinely think their children are so special that everyone loves talking to them.

I remember this happening to me and a friend in a pub. We asked the child to go back to his parents nicely then told him to more forcefully. Nope - he wasn’t going to take instructions from us. The dad did come over to check he was okay but spotted he was sitting with two girls and scooted back to where he’d been sitting.

I’d have gone over to the parents but we were 17 so didn’t want to make a fuss in case we got chucked out (it was the mid 90s). So we ended up going somewhere else. Shame because we had a really nice table.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 08/08/2022 16:00

YANBU. It wouldn't bother me, especially if all I had to do was sit and wait somewhere. But, if it was my child, I'd definitely call them over after a few minutes and say to let the lady read her book or whatever... I love that kids have the confidence to just go up to anyone and chat away, but they also need to learn when a person has had enough and isn't interested, just leave them alone.

Justleaveitblankthen · 08/08/2022 16:28

When my own DC were small, I used to get this all the time from other children in the area. They would make a beeline for me - much to my own DC's annoyance sometimes 😂
If it was ever not appropriate for whatever reason, I had no problem telling them to go back to their parents, "so they know you are OK. Off you pop now." Then don't engage further. Pretend you are making a phone call if you must I do this with people of all ages if I'm feeling anti-social

5zeds · 08/08/2022 16:31

Are you not understanding this 'person' is a young child

Young children aren't often known for reading social cues and actually buggering off when asked to.
well the “parenting” that needs doing is to teach the child how to “bugger off” when asked to. Which most 5 year olds can and do. So @CanIReadPls did you actually tell the child to leave you to read in peace, or that you didn’t want to talk any more?

Danceswithkids · 08/08/2022 16:37

BeanieTeen · 08/08/2022 12:53

YANBU.
I think it’s also weird to let your kids just go up to strangers to start a conversation.

Short of shutting her in a box there is no way of preventing my child from talking to everyone she sees. I do watch and immediately intervene if the person obviously isn't interested/doesn't respond, or give an 'out' for the person after a few minutes if they are being polite.

Most often people say it's fine though and let her talk! I often have to steer her away still rambling.

Bobshhh · 08/08/2022 16:42

There is a child on our street who does this to me, literally waits by his door and if I walk past he runs out to chat and tell me about his day. He is very sweet but dear god it's hard to escape him!

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2022 16:45

5zeds · 08/08/2022 16:31

Are you not understanding this 'person' is a young child

Young children aren't often known for reading social cues and actually buggering off when asked to.
well the “parenting” that needs doing is to teach the child how to “bugger off” when asked to. Which most 5 year olds can and do. So @CanIReadPls did you actually tell the child to leave you to read in peace, or that you didn’t want to talk any more?

Surely the parenting that needs doing is the parent watching their child and not letting them just wander up to and bother strangers?

InChocolateWeTrust · 08/08/2022 16:47

Yanbu. I regularly have to extract mine from bothering people. I try to point out to them that they need to spot if someone is reading/sleeping/listening on headphones/simply not interested

TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 16:47

I used to travel a lot for work - a rule of mine was never engage with kids! Otherwise you can't get rid of them!

NellesVilla · 08/08/2022 16:52

That would annoy me. I hate children and like cats, children know this, then pursue me. Can’t get away from them.

But OP, you’re the adult here. Do what I do next time with a: “Right, great to meet you. Must get back to my book now.” Do this loudly so the parents can hear and get the hint.