To think parents should stop their children talking on and on to people?

[CanIReadPls]

I'm probably going to sound like an absolute Cruella Deville here but...

I was returning from abroad at the weekend. The flight was delayed and we ended up sat at the gate for a while.

There was a little girl of about 5 with her parents sat two rows in front facing me.

She came up to me and asked about a bracelet I had on - fine. Very sweet.

But then she was talking to me for agessssss. Question after question, telling me about her holiday, her birthday, her new toy and on and on. Her parents knew as well as they kept looking over to make sure she'd not disappeared.

I was very obviously reading a book. It ended up being a good half an hour, probably longer, before we were finally called to board and she went off to her parents.

AIBU to think you call your child back over to you once they've made a small amount of conversation with someone or is this totally acceptable to just leave your child going on and on at a stranger trying to read?!

I do have kids, I know they are chatterboxes sometimes and my own DC have asked people questions in the park or something before. But I'd always call them back over after a minute or two or say 'come on let the lady ready her book/walk her dog / get on with her day' or whatever.

I'd never just sit there whilst my child pestered someone for half an hour or AIBU?

I did not bring women into it. I said many on mumsnet. Chromosomes don’t really come into it. It’s a societal attitude towards others that exist outside of the family/friend circle. They are called strangers in this country. It’s an apt term really when you think about how we react to others

I can humour a child for a few minutes but I wish the parents would intervene after that. All well and good saying it's our responsibility to make them go away but when you're surrounded by people you sound like you're being horrible. A parent telling their child to stop bothering someone doesn't, they sound like a parent.

I wish somebody would arbitrate against men doing this at me too.

Builders in this week, & they are ... pleasant & knowledgeable, but MY GOD so entitled to wander into my private space & TALK AT ME. Mainly about non-building matters.
Also explaining the same thing 5 times in one breath. As if I couldn't possibly understand simple mechanical fixes in one go.

But like you OP - it's up to me to say something. Simple enough, but takes a bit of not obsessing on what strangers think about us. You know - like most small children & men don't ...

In a case like this you have to choose between telling her to go back to her parents or being stuck there. It's up to you how you feel afterwards, but there's no earthly reason to feel bad for sending her back to her parents.

You can be blunt and still friendly.
"It's been so nice hearing all about your holiday, but now I have some reading that I have to do. Maybe we'll meet again in the airport when we land. Your parents are over there. Bye now!"

Omg are you being serious??? Why the hell would someone want to talk to someone else's kids for half an hour! Fuck that!

OP as PPs have confirmed, you should have just told her you wanted to read your book now, so go back to your parents.

I think it’s weird when people expect others to love children. In any other case, loving an entire group of people would be pretty weird, but for some reason we all need to have a love of kids.

(I don’t hate them, either, I just look at them the way I look at any other group. Some are ok, some are annoying.)

But also, the parents should have stepped in. They were rude.

I don’t think that’s what I was doing @Lillith111 but if I offended you I’m sorry. Really I was interested.

I have twin DC, aged 4.5. The eldest twin would chatter ad infinitum to all and sundry if I let her, but I call her back after a minute or so, or check in with the random victim of her chatter to see whether they are okay.

@5zeds its ok, I just didn’t understand how it’s a relevant comparison

'It's been fun talking with you but now it's time to go back to Mummy/Daddy, I have to work/read/sleep'.That's literally it. The parents should be aware if you're not enjoying their child bothering you but if they're not, just tell the child time to go back. Nothing to feel bad about, at nursery/school they'll be told to do things by an adult and just do it.

@Lillith111 its ok, I just didn’t understand how it’s a relevant comparison sorry I was just being curious because while I let my other children chat to whoever they like I do intervene when my son with additional needs accosts people because I think he would be hurt if they said “go away”. I talk happily to everyone but I also wouldn’t fret about saying I don’t want to.

Mumsnet is a majority female forum, and you set up the comparison by bemoaning how we’re becoming ‘like men’. It doesn’t take much to guess you’re referring to women.

Being social doesn’t mean you have to perform like a seal each and every time someone wants to interact with you. You can be an absolute social butterfly, a picture of decorum, and still want to be left the fuck alone at times.

A good book is better than a boring conversation with a stranger's 5 year old. Be honest.

Yanbu OP to have felt fed up if the child didn't listen to you suggesting she went back to her parents as you wanted to sit and read. I bet the parents thought they were giving you a gift if their DCs company when it was really just a gift of endless inane questions and noise!

Sometimes you just want peace and quiet whilst you wait

My ex MIL used to say - after about half hour - to my DCs (her only DGC) when we visited her (!!) "I'm going to read my book now. I'm done talking so go find your Mum"
Lol even when her son (my ex H, was there!)

She was maybe a bit extreme but I learnt something from her which is to be upfront when you're not interested and need quiet time.
I will hoopla chat for bit but have said "I'm too tired to talk and want to sit quietly, off you go now back to your parents" to other peoples DCs jabbering on when I'm tired, had enough and have a headache. Unfortunately my DCs used to attract other DCs clinging on who would follow us around so I had lots of practice saying "Off you go now"

I was at the child that tried to take food off of a PPs plate earlier whilst still talking at them !!

How rubbish were their parents to let their DCs constantly bug other people on tables out for a quiet meal together ?!! I'd be straight over to remove my child if they were bugging other people!

When I am sitting down reading a book then surely that means I wish to be left alone, not spend ages chatting drivel to random children of strangers!!

OP should have firmly told the child to go back to her parents after the first couple of minutes. If the child didn't take the hint then she should have taken them back and asked the parents to keep control of their child rather than letting them go up and accost others.

Being social doesn’t mean you have to perform like a seal each and every time someone wants to interact with you. You can be an absolute social butterfly, a picture of decorum, and still want to be left the fuck alone at times.

This ^

You need to reread my original post. I did not say mumsnetters are becoming ‘like men’. I mentioned the levels of hate for children being almost as comparable to the hate for men (on this forum). It was an observation.

No one said you have to perform like a seal and I never suggested you should.

I mentioned our cultural attitude towards, what you are keen to call, strangers. It’s ok, I get where you are coming from. You’ve made it crystal clear.

YANBU. From a mother of four.

@CanIReadPls

But that can come across as you don't like the look of the person & think you need to protect your child from them.

it is awkward to disentangle yourself sometimes, but you had the perfect 'prop' your book. Very easy to say 'it's been lovely chatting with you, but I'm going to read my book now'.

kids are blunt, they accept blunt. They're far less complicated than adults.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, and the parents obviously just needed some peace from their kid for a bit 🥴😄

Making a nuisance of yourself is not a 'social skill', only a dopey parent would allow their child to go and pester a random person,

I went away for one night a couple of months ago, child free, first time in 11 years and I couldn’t wait for a quiet lunch, dinner and overnight stay.

At lunch time the waiter sat me out on the terrace - all seemed very relaxing until two small children popped up who just wouldn’t leave me alone.
I was initially polite but ended up speaking to their mum and explaining that it was my first night away from my own children and that I wanted a quiet lunch.
She told me that it was “their special day too” and she didn’t call them back until their own meal arrived.

I should have moved inside for the ‘peace and quiet’ but didn’t want to sit inside on a sunny day.

At least I’ve got clarity going for me I suppose.

Yes, strangers, people with whom one is not familiar. it’s an accurate descriptor. Actually Brits on a whole I find quite polite, to the point where there’s an inclination to tolerate a lot more discomfort than they actually want to, for fear of being direct and seeming rude. Definitely not the most standoffish, culturally. Not by a long shot.

It's not just children.

I love to relax with a book and a cream tea in a quaint little cafe on my holidays alone. Unfortunately sitting alone seems to signal to wait staff that I could do with some company and despite what MN says, No is not considered an acceptable sentence so I get some jibbering biddy plonked next to me who I don't know from Adam and my afternoon is ruined. I would be more tolerant of sharing my table if they could just stfu and let me read my book.

A certain cafe in Bakewell refused to let me sit alone twice so now I don't go there.