Ungrateful

[ingratitude]

NC as a bit outing.

Birthday is coming up. I loathe birthday with a passion due to family issues. I'm reconciled to this and at 40+ happy to live this way

DH thinks he has to fix this. Each year I ask for no presents or fuss. Each year he tries. Each year we fall out as I'm ungrateful for something I didn't want in the first place

This year he's taken me away - booked and paid for without my knowledge. Lovely small hotel but the nearest people in age to us are at least 25 years older and most I'd say are 80+. It's a tiny intimate hotel (nicely done) but I feel like I'm in a nursing home.

Today we're going 'out'. I asked where. Sightseeing. Sightseeing what exactly? Whatever you want he tells me. So he's booked a hotel in the middle of nowhere (no pub, restaurants etc for miles) and there's not even a plan as to how we spend our time. Hotel has no pool or anything.

AIBU to feel hugely pissed off that firstly my reasonable request was ignored not to do anything and secondly what he did then arrange is a bit shit?

I just want to go home and/or cry right now and he's gone down to breakfast without me as I'm clearly unhappy

It's odd that he won't accept that you don't want to do anything - is he like this in other areas of your relationship, i.e. always thinking he knows best?

Given that you're there I think you should try to make the most of it.

You don't want him booking anything and now he has, you are complaining that it is shit. That is where YABU.

It was booked without my knowledge- if he'd told me I would have asked him not to. As I'd already asked for no presents or fuss

Why dont you just try to have a nice time! Honestly some people just love to miserable!

Try to forget about the birthday and just enjoy it as a relaxing mini-break with DH?

I know that but you mentioned what he has booked is shit, that is where you are being ungrateful. If you have personal reasons why you don't like to celebrate birthdays, you just needn't have gone with him. We normally see threads where partners are upset that no effort was made for milestone birthdays.

Can’t you just forget it’s your birthday and try to enjoy youtself?

I think you sound very ungrateful OP. He has done something nice for you and all you seem to be doing is finding fault.
I would hate it if my partner treated me like that after I'd put time and money into a treat for him.
You don't have to celebrate your birthday but you can still be appreciative of the effort your partner has gone to.

That's what I suggested - we're heading out somewhere. Weather is lovely and I'm going to try and be happy. He's a good man but every year we have this and I'm sick of him ignoring my wishes

You do sound ungrateful! Your DH booked a trip away and you're complaining about the age of the other guests, which he has no control over.
I completely understand your family issues has stopped you wanting to celebrate birthdays, but surely into your 40s you could relent a little, given that DH clearly loves you and wants to celebrate your existence.

Fucking hell, get over yourself
Just pretend it's his birthday or just a normal break away 🙄
I don't think this is real TBH

Your on a little holiday, honestly you might need some counselling or something, you’d think the dude had thrown you a surprise party

Just this week, a lady here upset as her birthday was ignored when she went to a lot of trouble for her family. Just Google nearby pubs walks whatever. I am in my 50s and like older/younger people whatever. Just relax and have a few days to chill! Dh heart in right place .just a discussion needed for next time .he may get the hint and stop bothering! Which may mean you are disappointed !

Oh for godsake. So first you didn't want anything and now you just don't want what he's booked - hotel is intimate, too far from a pub or restaurant, has the audacity not to have a pool and shock horror he's decided on sightseeing whatever you want to do.

I wouldn't worry OP, keep going how you're going and you can pick misery and he can pick someone else. You're choosing to be miserable and punish him for trying to do something nice when you could just not be hard work. It's easier to do the latter.

You want to be miserable, clearly. Surprised he's still making an effort and hasn't just left you.

I'm going to try and be happy.

Well whatever you do, don't put yourself out 🙄

You're being mega ungrateful.

You have a partner who wants to do something nice for you. Might not always hit the mark, but you should appreciate the effort all the same, it's clearly done with good intentions.

Plenty of people would envy this.

This whole no birthday thing is not acceptable. In theory, sure, perhaps, but not in practice. It's intolerable.

Next time, arrange something that you can bear. Lunch at a restaurant you wanted to go to anyway. Tell him to buy the exact pair of shoes (or whatever) you would otherwise have bought for youself. Maybe even invite those people who you needed to catch up with anyway. Et voila! Everyone is happy.

OP, you haven't commented on whether your DH is often like this. If he's constantly disregarding your wishes and thinking his way is better, you are right to be aggrieved because it points to a wider issue in your marriage.

I still think you might as well make the best of the trip, but do consider where this sits in the wider pattern of your DH's behaviour.

Wordles! Wordle Unlimited! My DH and I can spend hours on these, giggling at our ineptitude.
Walks - if it is a halfway decent rural area, village, town - and work out a rating system for wherever you visit (aesthetics, toilet facilities, staff appearance, quality of service etc) It leads to funny conversations as you adopt a bureaucratic demeanour to something trivial.
”Would you rather…” conversations.
Daytime TV.
Just try to enjoy each other’s company? I realise I’m not you but I also downplay birthdays but would love it if my DH did this for me.

He's trying to fix the thing you are lacking, he's trying to make birthdays happy, he is trying so hard and I bet he's afraid that if he didn't try you'd secretly be unhappy because he wasn't trying. Give him a hug, say thank you and try and get something out of it.

Sounds to me like he's trying (his best) to create new, happy birthday memories for you to replace whatever bad ones have caused your current aversion to birthdays. You state it was due to family issues- presume biological? Well he's your family now.
Do you make a fuss of his birthday? Is it something he'd quite like (if you dont) people have different views on birthdays and there's no right or wrong. But honestly, from what you've said, it sounds like he's coming from a good place.

I think I understand actually. I have a DH who is the same. He tries but often books things for my birthday etc that he would like (not really for me) and I’m then left wondering if he knows me (and my likes, dreams, preferences) at all.

Try to make the best of it OP.

I can't believe all the posters criticising her for not being grateful for being given something she didn't asked for and doesn't want.

Can people literally not understand that she's asked for a very simple and easily delivered thing, nothing, and yet again had her wishes disregarded?

Just because other people might enjoy something is no reason why she should.