Ungrateful

[ingratitude]

NC as a bit outing.

Birthday is coming up. I loathe birthday with a passion due to family issues. I'm reconciled to this and at 40+ happy to live this way

DH thinks he has to fix this. Each year I ask for no presents or fuss. Each year he tries. Each year we fall out as I'm ungrateful for something I didn't want in the first place

This year he's taken me away - booked and paid for without my knowledge. Lovely small hotel but the nearest people in age to us are at least 25 years older and most I'd say are 80+. It's a tiny intimate hotel (nicely done) but I feel like I'm in a nursing home.

Today we're going 'out'. I asked where. Sightseeing. Sightseeing what exactly? Whatever you want he tells me. So he's booked a hotel in the middle of nowhere (no pub, restaurants etc for miles) and there's not even a plan as to how we spend our time. Hotel has no pool or anything.

AIBU to feel hugely pissed off that firstly my reasonable request was ignored not to do anything and secondly what he did then arrange is a bit shit?

I just want to go home and/or cry right now and he's gone down to breakfast without me as I'm clearly unhappy

Give him a hug, say thank you and try and get something out of it.

In other words, lie to him so he is more likely to continue to do the the wrong thing every year for the rest of her life?

It is her complaining about what he HAS booked that is unreasonable. Why would it matter what the booking was if the actual celebration superseded that?

Why would anyone be particularly grateful to be taken to a hotel with nothing around and nothing much to do?

A nice hotel in a city centre -fine -lots of restaurants and shops and beck even cinema to go to if run out of ideas. Or bowling /escape room/museum.

Just pretend it's not for your birthday then? It's just a nice weekend away that your dh has planned... I'd feel pretty miserable if I was him!

actually im with you on this one, You asked for nothing but be booked a trip away fair enough you could forget about the birthday part BUT he could have atleast made it a decent trip! Or said ok no birthday but lets ATLEAST do something how about you book us a fun trip for the weekend etc etc

Its like not bad enough he cant just let go but he now went and wasted money on a shit trip

@southlondonerhere Problem is it doesnt sound like a "nice Weekend" and he hasnt actually planned anything, just booked a hotel in the middle of nowhere it sounds like and is now making her plan the rest.

Absolutely!

So you don't want your celebrate your birthday, I get hes done the opposite. But.....

Its the summer and you're on holiday, don't you enjoy spending time together ?

Go for a walk, have a long pub lunch, browse a few shops in town. Visit a local national trust place or something.

Along as he's not done banners balloons you can forget its your birthday.

Do you really want to stay at home moping and dwelling on your non birthday ?

Well you're here now so try to enjoy something.
If you were really against it, you should have just refused to come and let him try to get some money back.

What's he like in other areas of your relationship, OP? Does he listen to what you say about anything else?

Honestly op Ltb what a horrible man he is trying to spoil you for your birthday

keep being a miserable cow to really show him how horrid he is!

hopefully he’ll get the message and find someone else to spoil instead

OP mentioned sight seeing so I'm going to assume it isn't in the middle of no where, how many hotels have you heard of where there is absolutely nothing to do? There must at least be somewhere to get food and somewhere to go on a walk. OP sounds like they just want to find faults in it

I find it highly annoying when people don't listen to me especially when I say I DON'T want something and they completely ignore me and do it anyway, so I do sympathise

However you are there now and as other PPs have said just chalk it up to you are away from the usual hustle and bustle. Try and enjoy yourself

This! Pretend it's not your birthday,just enjoy the day,you're there now,just google somewhere to go and make the best of it.

youve obviously not been to the type of hotel I’m imagining. I love city breaks too - but there are some fabulous small country hotels, in beautiful gardens, with award winning kitchens and wine cellars. The service is amazing, there’s lots of lovely little towns a short drive away or beautiful walks from the hotel, and it costs a small fortune. For a relaxing, no pressure weekend it’s great you just switch off completely.

of course it could equally be a travelodge on a motorway services which I’d be less amused with.

How about everyone stop having a go at the OP. If her partner had LISTENED to her and not done anything she would have been happy. Now SHE has to make the best of it because he wouldn't listen? Bizarre.

I think @ParkingPermitWoes none of us can understand why op went at all if they were going to do is moan about it

But she didn't want to be spoiled for her birthday? She told him that and he ignored her? Why should she try?

Oh there is some sense on this thread! Hurrah.

Perhaps because she thought she might try and appease him? And then realised when she got there he actually hadn't thought about it very much at all.

I wish I had problems like you OP.

I don’t think it’s a case you don’t want it recognised and no gifts or a fuss, if that was the case you’d just go off and have fun, I think you hugely want it recognised and a fuss, but that fuss and recognition is that he needs to accept it’s your birthday, you want to be miserable and he should tip toe round you. That’s the recognition and fuss you want, it’s like how dare he try to make you have fun. He needs to be miserable with you every year.

Why is it a problem that the people at the hotel are older than you? You don't have to hang out with them, do your own thing. Although, clearly, you don't like "sightseeing".

That's fine but if she didn't want it then she shouldn't have gone and told him to cancel. Not decided to go then just complain the full weekend that he's done a shit job

Whereabouts is this hotel? Maybe we can suggest something.
However, probably the best idea is to go home.