Husband rage

[Tessabelle74]

Just lost my sh#t at my husband and kids because I'm sick of doing everything around the house. My husband told me not to talk to him for the rest of the day because of my silly little attitude. AIBU to ask where I can dispose of a rolled up rug I no longer need?

[everylittlehelp5]

Trade him off say you walk the dog and he can do the 💩 instead. Literally give him the shitty job. Tell him that's non negotiable or he goes.

Complete man child.

[Tessabelle74]

@Trying20 we don't have grass but I do the garden, it's my thing not his and I do the food shop because he buys expensive brands and I don't so it's cheaper if I go 😂 he literally does nothing, never does the bathroom or toilets, never picks up poo and shops once in a blue moon and expects a medal for it. He now works permanent nights as "he would be around to pick the big kids up from school" guess who does the lion's share of school runs because he "needs his sleep"? Whilst he goes to bed late after going for an hour's run beforehand? Yes, he's an arsehole and I really need to have a serious think about what this relationship actually is, he clearly doesn't respect me, or appreciate me and sometimes the way he talks to me I question if he even LIKES me. All seems a bit one sided and I don't like my side right now

[pointythings]

Seriously, after your last post I would have to say what is the point of him? Your household is likely to be a happier and more functional place without him. Remember, we have no fault divorce now!

[Tessabelle74]

@pointythings I'm sorry your relationship went so bad. I'm seriously worried that I'll end up hating him and if we split I'd rather it was amicable because the kids are still so young! When it's good, it's so good but I'm not sure if its worth these deep fucking sulks I have to put up with in between! He's still not talking to me, I've done nothing for him today. His Dad is bringing our boys home after a day out shortly and I'd normally act like everything is fine but I can't be arsed to any more

[Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits]

@Tessabelle74

@pointythings I'm sorry your relationship went so bad. I'm seriously worried that I'll end up hating him and if we split I'd rather it was amicable because the kids are still so young! When it's good, it's so good but I'm not sure if its worth these deep fucking sulks I have to put up with in between! He's still not talking to me, I've done nothing for him today. His Dad is bringing our boys home after a day out shortly and I'd normally act like everything is fine but I can't be arsed to any more

You are calling it sulking, but just as a reminder withdrawing affection to punish you and using silence to punish you is classed as a form of abuse

So if you don't think of him as abusive then he is certainly coming very very very close by trying to control you with his behaviour

"Do all the housework and don't moan or nag or I will withhold my love and attention from you to teach you not to do it again"

[pointythings]

@Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits fully nails your situation. What your husband is doing is on the borderline of being abusive, if not over it. Your DC are young now, but if things don't change they will learn that this is how relationships work: daddy bosses mummy around and mummy has to keep the peace or she gets the silent treatment. That isn't acceptable.

If you feel strong enough to deal with this once and for all then it's time for a Come to Jesus talk: either he shapes up permanently and long term - and that has to include counselling for him to change his abusive behaviour - or you will be divorcing.

Personally I wouldn't be with someone who had so little respect for me.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

@WinnysPinny

It’s just a row why he can’t say ok let’s talk and do something about the situation beggars belief

Because he doesn't want to contribute is why. Ignore her and she'll go away. Id be like a dog with a bone.

[Tessabelle74]

Thank you all for your input, you've really helped me see that yes I can be unreasonable at times, cantvwe all? But I can't keep this rollercoaster going, it's too bloody tiring! We are supposed to be having a family weekend away at the end of the month, I'm going to ask my family to look after the kids as I think we need to sit and have it out without the kids anywhere near us. Thank you all again ❤️

[LilyMarshall]

Im so confused by how old your are? I think that is a major list of daily chores for children young enough to call you mummy and daddy. Two every day, one of which might be to clean a bathroom! Can a child still calling you mummy really clean a bathroom properly?

your husband is a sexist lazy arsehole.

[Tessabelle74]

@LilyMarshall they are 14, 13, 11 and 6. Cleaning the bathroom is just wiping the sink, not the actual toilet! I will still do that unless it's Daddy's turn! The 6 year old basically helps me do the jobs on her list and poo spots rather than picking it up.

[girlmom21]

@LilyMarshall

Im so confused by how old your are? I think that is a major list of daily chores for children young enough to call you mummy and daddy. Two every day, one of which might be to clean a bathroom! Can a child still calling you mummy really clean a bathroom properly?

your husband is a sexist lazy arsehole.

A bathroom 'cleaned' daily isn't going to need much work unless it's a house full of mechanics and builders who all have scummy baths every day and don't wash the suds away

[danny735]

@Suetodo88

@danny735

But see I’m not talking about you as you made your expectations clear that you wanted someone who did equal in the first place.So in spite of what you say about not choosing your husband based on what he does around the house, you actually have factored that in as you wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t do an equal amount.

Couples don’t need to do an equal amount of housework. I am a SAHM and do the vast majority of housework and that works for us which is what matters. Finding a situation that works for both of you. All I’m saying is it is wise to establish that early so no one is confused or feels either taken advantage of or that they’re being asked to do things they didn’t agree to.

If my sons end up doing all the housework and becoming SAHD that is fine with me if they want it - and if they do none and their wives are fine with that that’s fine too. I don’t tell my sons or daughter that their is one way they must live out their lives

@Suetodo88

So you teach your sons that they should only do housework if they feel like it or want to? Do you raise your daughters the same way?

The misogyny is astounding. It's how men-children are created.

My husband often shirks his household responsibilities (despite the very clear expectations and boundaries I've put in place), possibly due to deeply ingrained misogynistic beliefs. It's entirely unacceptable , it's 2022, not 1952. I shouldn't have to constantly reinforce these boundaries but I do.

[Tessabelle74]

Update for you all, had a very frank discussion with him this morning at 6am (so he can't use the usual line about not talking in case the kids hear) he agreed his behaviour over the last couple of days has been shit, but said I went over the top with the complaints, on further discussion he also agreed that the kids should he made to do their jobs and he will enforce it going forward. We have both agreed that things need to change as we're both stressed for various reasons and not talking isn't helping. Hopefully this newfound resolve will last longer than usual as I told him I can't stay on this rollercoaster any more, I think he appreciates it's make or break now

[KettrickenSmiled]

Glad he's at least making an effort to listen to you Tessabelle - even though he of course had to qualify that listening by minimising your concerns & making this a problem YOU have invented - rather than accepting that it's a problem entirely of his own making.

Good luck, & don't be backward about telling him that any return to the usual status quo will not be tolerated - & neither will him pretending that the problem is smaller than it actually is.
He can afford to pretend it's not a big problem, because it barely affects him. So he needs to know that it IS a big problem, & that he can't order his wife to simply accept his erroneous viewpoint for a quiet life.

[pointythings]

It isn't great that he still can't admit you had every right to have a go, but it's a start.

Don't let things backslide. If he fucks it up again, walk.

[LizzieSiddal]

Good luck- I hope he is listening and taking you seriously.x

[Tessabelle74]

Thank you all, you really did help ❤️💐

[deeperthanallroses]

I hope he’s also picking the dc up from
school since he took this job to be able to do that.