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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Comfortingpigeon · 07/08/2022 18:58

As a dog owner i can confirm your friend is entirely correct. They forgot spending your life picking up shit too though.

sheeplikessleep · 07/08/2022 18:58

I don’t get the appeal myself. On holiday recently, passed a family with 3 frenchies, one in particular was panting very heavily, really loudly. Just sounded in such discomfort. I’m not sure people do gush over them any more, I think I just felt sorry for the dogs tbh and I noticed other people looking at the dogs as well, in concern more than gushing.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 07/08/2022 18:59

@creamysauce

It was a bit mean of her to say that, but TBH I agree. I think dogs are lovely animals, and can make wonderful pets, but they are a HUGE commitment, and they are expensive to keep (feeding them/vet bills/boarding if you go away etc). They are also needy and clingy, and are a bit of a tie. I couldn't be arsed with the effort and time and money a dog would take.

JMHO. (Sorry.) Blush I am just impatient, and after many years of commitments and responsibilities, I couldn't be bothered with a dog now.

(I know you 'bowed out' of this thread at just before 10am today, but I am guessing you will still be reading it...) Smile

Susandorothy22 · 07/08/2022 19:01

Some people are just not keen on pets, don’t want the responsibility.
It’s good that your friend realises that, before getting a pet herself, then regretting it.
She was just being honest.

Olsi109 · 07/08/2022 19:02

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 23:49

No. This is not a reverse. I don't think many posters understand. Those are just two examples I gave. She is a very very critical person, she has an opinion on everything, even when you don't ask for it. I felt her response about not wanting to get a down, was another way of her (indirectly) criticising my decision. I like that she's honest but there's a difference between someone being honest and own that always has an opinion in every aspect of your life,

No. I do not think she is jealous of my partner. There was a long back history and my partner is now clearing off his debt (which I refuse to help with). I felt she may have been a bit jealous that I am moving on, and saving to get a house. She was critical with the boyfriend, and was right then, but I would have expected her to say "Creamy, put the house in your name... not on his name, let him prove to you first". Instead, it was like " no no no don't get a house with him".

Many years ago, my friend did tell me that she was envious of me, that I took risks even though it may cause some back lash and that in some ways she wishes she was like that. That's the only reason why she feels jealous. Now that I'm getting a dog, it's just something else to put her foot in.

I am very very aware of the risks associated with French Bulldogs and I am happy to take on those risks. I have seen many French Bull dogs out and about and no way has anyone cursed or insulted the dog owners for getting the bulldog, most people are very nice and cooo over the dogs.

It's hard for us to understand when you keep changing your story (to fit your narrative again, to get the responses you WANT rather than peoples HONEST opinions). Firstly you said you asked for her opinion, then later said she just gave her opinion without asking, RE the dog. She just volunteered her opinion on the house buying (did she, or are you just saying that again to get the responses you want). You seem to want us to confirm that your "close friend" is a jealous, over opinionated person and because the majority think the opposite you've changed your story to try and convince us OP.

Please ditch this friend - for her own sake, because you do not deserve her. How on Earth do you think she would feel if she saw what you'd written about her.

Dahliasandtea · 07/08/2022 19:02

Your friend is completely right.

YABU to be offended by her opinion and I think you feeling like she is trying to persuade you says more about you than her. You asked her why she said that. She answered you. Trying to persuade you to not have a dog sounds like ‘YOU shouldn’t get a dog’ not ‘I wouldn’t get a dog’.

if you are worried by what she is saying then you probably shouldn’t get a dog. Only get one if you KNOW everything she said is true and are still desperate to get a dog despite it.

OvertimeThinkTank · 07/08/2022 19:03

I LOVE dogs and have been thankful to have had THE best companions over the years, absolutely wonderful animals….but, I agree with your friend and wouldn’t be upset by her comments, she was just being honest.

Dogs are a huge tie, I constantly felt guilty whenever I left our gorgeous dog, I was the one who had to juggle work, come home at lunch, we didn’t have a holiday for years as we didn’t want to leave her (our fault yes, but still) not forgetting the many issues she suffered over the years (not every dog will suffer illness like ours did, but always something to consider) and then the eventual heartache when we had to make the most painful decision to have her pts).

Dh & DS have mentioned umpteen times that we should get another dog but as much as I LOVE THEM (I’m the person who stops to chat to every dog on a walk) I don’t feel like the time is right for the, what could possibly be, another 15 year commitment.

Courgeon · 07/08/2022 19:03

Do you realise that french bulldogs are bred to look cute and as a consequence they have multiple health issues? The whole breeding of them is cruel and by getting one you're buying into that cruelty. But hey having a cute looking dog is more important I suppose!

I do judge those with pugs and frenchies I'm afraid. At least get a rescue. Your friend is being honest, they're incredibly tying and as a non dog owner its quite tiresome trying to make arrangements with friends and everything has to fit around the bloody dog. Several hikes I've been on over the years have been ruined by other peoples dogs and the constant fussing and pandering

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/08/2022 19:05

Had you not thought about this?

You also need to pick up dog shit a couple of times a day.

Please don't be a crap dog owner, buy an expensive breed then realise after a couple of weeks that "It's too much hard work."

Dogs are a massive responsibility. Sounds like you haven't thought this through to be honest.

Your friend was just being honest. As friends should be.

Nanny0gg · 07/08/2022 19:06

WTF475878237NC · 07/08/2022 09:59

"I'm sorry kids I have realised it was a very irresponsible choice of dog breed and we must choose another dog" is the best outcome possible actually.

You're teaching your kids a terrible lesson here.

So what happens to the dog that is in actual existence now if the OP doesn't take it? Euthanasia?

TheWitchOfShields · 07/08/2022 19:07

She was being honest.

We had our dog PTS 4 yrs ago and I swore I would never get another. He was a large dog (husky), he left hair everywhere which I was still finding in places last year, especially under flooring etc, no one would look after him if we were going away so we just didn't as kennels were often fully booked. We work full time and it was awful leaving him in, especially if we got held up.

Now, we come and go as we please, enjoy family camping (wouldn't fit a dog in the car alongside our family and kit), I don't have to worry about rushing home from anything or have to plan everything around the dog. You asked her a question and she gave you a brutally honest and detailed answer. I've answered others in exactly the same way when asked the same question about getting another dog.

Elsie1966 · 07/08/2022 19:07

It sounds to me that you have a very good friend in her. I would appreciate the friendship she's honest and forthright tells you what you sometimes don't want to here but is there for you. Friends like this are very few and far between

stevalnamechanger · 07/08/2022 19:08

Totally agree! Def not jealous :D

SofaLola33 · 07/08/2022 19:10

I guess it really depends on the type of friendship you have. All she has said is what every pet owner needs to take into consideration when getting a pet, you did ask her the question so she was just responding. Without knowing your relationship, I wouldn’t jump to the jealousy conclusion.

Taxanimal · 07/08/2022 19:10

I’m sat here with my ex-RSPCA rescue cat, Ivy. We got back from holiday yesterday so that’s £170 to the cattery on top of our holiday costs. Ivy was found “straying” about 6 years ago as a kitten around August time. That’s apparently a common time for kittens and puppies to “stray” when their owners who bought them as adorable playthings realise how much pet care costs. I wish people would think more carefully about getting a pet and if they definitely want to, adopt don’t shop. Sorry, end of rant.

saffy2 · 07/08/2022 19:10

To be honest she’s not wrong. I have a cat and it is very hard work when planning things, and expensive. Having a pet is a massive responsibility and very different to having a child who will learn to speak one day and goes everywhere with you. She’s not wrong in the slightest and I imagine she’s not at all jealous and was speaking totally truthfully about her own feelings. I highly doubt she cares at all whether you want a dog or not, and highly doubt she was trying to dissuade you! Lmao!

YorkshireRog · 07/08/2022 19:10

I say this with love, as a dog owner… she just ain’t a dog person and she is absolutely right. A dog is incredibly restricting and life changing. So she might be trying to warn you.. but anyone who is getting a pet needs to know what to expect. (I wouldn’t send my dog back.. but it is completely life changing and eg she is right about holidays!)

LaughingCat · 07/08/2022 19:11

Yeah, I think you’re being a tad precious. The friends I value the most are the ones who are straight with me - who tell me the hard truths when I’m jumping headfirst into something. That way I really sit back and think about it before going ahead…like you did when she asked about your house buying plans.

From what you’ve said, she doesn’t sound jealous at all - just not willing to jump headfirst into all the excitement and novelty that new plans hold for you. Again, from what you’ve said, that’s how she approaches everything in life, so she’s being true to herself.

If you just want yes-men around you all the time that support every decision, then she’s not the friend for you. But, personally, I’d value her for her alternative view and straight speaking, even if you don’t end up taking her advice.

Sudoku88 · 07/08/2022 19:12

Everything she says is true!!

We have a dog, love her to bits but once she is gone, we won’t be getting another one. Lots of responsibility: at least 2 walks/day come rain or shine. But the biggest problem is finding someone to look after when we go away- not cheap and you can’t help but worry a bit that they will be ok.

She is right, spontaneity goes out the window. On the flip side, they are lovely company.

LaughingCat · 07/08/2022 19:13

PS: hearing that you left the thread when MN didn’t overwhelmingly endorse your view is kinda proof to me that you just don’t like being disagreed with. Therein lies the problem, methinks!

JudgeRindersMinder · 07/08/2022 19:15

YABU for getting a French bulldog and fuelling the demand for these poor dogs

janex1 · 07/08/2022 19:16

We have a dog and as much as we (well my DH) loves her we would never get another one when she goes (13) as the responsibility and ties are huge. Your friend was just being honest. Maybe you should think again

Pelsall116 · 07/08/2022 19:16

She was spot on - dogs are a massive commitment; she was merely telling it as it is for her in response to a question you asked her

JonSnowIsALoser · 07/08/2022 19:17

She's absolutely right. Having a dog is like having a toddler for 10+ years. It's a big responsibility, limits your choices (especially of how you travel) and is very expensive too. What would she be jealous of?

AJ65 · 07/08/2022 19:19

She's being honest about her own motivations, which is no judgement on yours.

No, she's not jealous; she just told you why she doesn't want a pet.

She sounds great to be honest.