To be annoyed that dss's mum is wearing things i bought him

[evolvq]

Just that really.

Dss is a teen, i buy him clothes / trainers etc, when i picked him up today his mum was wearing the trainers i bought him. He has grown out of them which is why he isn't, but I just feel really put out by it.

Would you be annoyed by this? (Other step-mums)

Dont buy him stuff. That's his parents job.

2 answers

1. Because I can. Because he buys things for my children. I buy things for his child. We are a couple, a family, and what is mine and his is shared. There is no quibbles here. I support him and he supports me.

1. Not me, I'd happily send her back in our stuff and have it sent back at the next time she is here. Mum will not have that though. She was so offended when she was once sent back in our clothing (because she wet through mums outfit so was put in one of ours mid journey) that she came to the window of the car I was sat in (down the road) and assaulted me using the balled up clothing. So now she is sent back in whatever mum sends for her return, or her previously worn outfit that she arrived in if her clothes were spoilt on the return journey (only happened twice since in 5 years thank goodness).That's a her problem to deal with, not a me or DP problem. She will have to explain it to her daughter one day. SD knows she can wear our stuff whenever.

I'd understand you being annoyed if she was taking stuff you've jsut bought - but if it's somehting he has outgrown or no longer wants to wear, better that she gets some use from the items,
Would you rather they went to landfill?
If you wanted first dibs on his outgrown stuff yourself, I'm not sure I'd fancy teenage-boy-used sneakers tbh.

There'll be a time limit on this. When he has a girlfriend, she may well go 'ew' at Mum borrowing his clothes. Especially if said girlfriend bought them for him as a special present!

But if you view the clothes as being still a possession of your own when you buy them for someone else and you expect to have them all returned to you when they are no longer in use, the only real way to manage that would be to make sure the step kid never wears them when they are not under your supervision. I think asking why dad isn’t buying the clothes is a reasonable question when you have such strong feelings about things you buy and if money is an issue (because the clothes all have to be kept and account for to sell on)
Its not a nice thing to buy someone something but to have caveats to its use.

There is something really odd about what she’s doing, it’s like territory marking.

YANBU.

Totally get why this is annoying. Rule in my situation (instigated by DSC’s mum but I think it’s fair) is once the DSC have grown out of something it gets returned to parent who bought it. High value things like shoes get passed to other kids our side.

She probably doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, but good to remove irritations from these situations. So just ask for clothes/shoes that no longer fit to be returned so you can sell/redistribute.

Well, OP hasn’t mentioned anything about the mum causing her upset at one time or another. That’s your own projection.
And even if she had, that’s making that upset the stepkid’s problem to negotiate which isn’t fair.

I just can't imagine not being embarrassed by it. Hell would freeze over before my DSCs mum saw me getting about in old shoes that she'd bought the kids.

In a "blended" scenario like this you are all family now. Of course, some may still not want family wearing things but intended for them, that's by the by.

Dss is a part of my family, she isn't.

Agree and I doubt she is told to consider you her family either!

Hahaha ha! Erm, nope! Stepkids mum is nothing to do with my family 🤣. I've never even spoken to her in 5 years in my case!