To be annoyed that dss's mum is wearing things i bought him

[evolvq]

Just that really.

Dss is a teen, i buy him clothes / trainers etc, when i picked him up today his mum was wearing the trainers i bought him. He has grown out of them which is why he isn't, but I just feel really put out by it.

Would you be annoyed by this? (Other step-mums)

You are right. She should have put them in the bin instead of getting some wear out of them.

I’d assume you don’t like her generally as this is such a non-issue.

YABU. Better she is wearing them than them go in the bin.

I'd be pissed off too. Most of the stuff I bought DSC, their mum would either slag off or she'd chuck- it was all perfectly nice and I have young children it could have been handed down too. Lovely woman. So instead of feeling upset and angry all the time, I just stopped buying stuff. I'd do the same if I was you.

You bought them for dss, if he doesn’t mind his mum using his things it’s nothing to do with you. If you don’t give without conditions it’s not a gift.

Though if you have a similar style then I don't see the problem? My DS and I like the same colours, he complains about having to look at tags of t-shirts (XS or 10 mine, S his). I said if he doesn't like it then he's free to have pink and yellow then he'll easily be able to pick his out!

SM here. Look on the bright side. You could have a common situation where there is so much resentment from her, that she would automatically bin anything you bought for her son the second it crossed her threshold. If DSS doesn't mind, don't worry - it's a sign that your setup is working reasonably well. If it really rankles, moderate your generosity or pick colours better suited to him than her.

On the other hand, asking for technology for the DSC, so that she has the main use of it - cheeky fucker!

The clothes I buy my children and stepchild aren't gifts. They are things they need, which then get sold on to put towards the cost of their next lot of clothing.

It sounds like you’re just a bit bitter about her tbh. Maybe your dh left her in a position where she can’t afford anything to treat herself? !

My Mum used to wear things I didn’t want anymore and my dad bought most of my clothes. I still remember my Dad once making a snide remark like ‘is this for you or your Mum?’ when he bought me something. She literally wore them because I didn’t need or want them anymore and we were the same size so it made sense. I think your DSS’s Mum is doing a similar thing and there’s nothing wrong with it.

What age teen?

Of course she shouldn't wear them, she should put them straight in the bin 🙄 Get. A. Grip

You gifted the son clothes, they are now his clothes to do as he pleases with. If he wants to let his mum wear them then he can. If you really have to be bitter about it, don't buy him any more

You’re being unreasonable and spiteful.

YABU

Who said they were gifts? Not the OP.

Sounds like thrifty and sustainable behaviour to me

So what are they then? On loan? Does stepson owe her and will have to pay her?

Sheesh, give your head a wobble OP.

If you don’t like it then tell Ds that when he grows out of something you’ll sell it and use the money towards something new for him.

Stuff that no longer fit I wouldn't be bothered about unless you wanted to sell them to make some money for the next lot of clothes. But stuff that still fits then yeh I would be annoyed....your not there to kit her out🤷🏻‍♀️

I would ask why the father isn’t buying him clothes?

He's grown out of them, so they've been passed on to someone who will wear them

You're being petty and ridiculous.

Necessities. Like I say, I buy my kids and sd clothes to wear, not as gifts! I sell them on to fund the next size up.