To be annoyed that dss's mum is wearing things i bought him

[evolvq]

Just that really.

Dss is a teen, i buy him clothes / trainers etc, when i picked him up today his mum was wearing the trainers i bought him. He has grown out of them which is why he isn't, but I just feel really put out by it.

Would you be annoyed by this? (Other step-mums)

2 questions

1. Why are you buying your stepchildren’s clothes and not their dad?

2. Do you make them completely strip of everything you have bought them before they go to their mum’s?

What a thing to be annoyed about! Whst would you prefer her do with them? Chuck them in the bin? Get a grip

They dont fit him, what do you expect?

Hes not going to treasure non fitting stuff forever they would otherwise go to charity or bin.

You sound like you have some issues surrounding not being the first and only woman in DH life.

Giving away tatty trainers probably wouldn't worry most people. But I wonder what the reaction of mothers on here would be if they'd bought their child some designer clothes and their stepmother had decided to incorporate into her wardrobe so the child couldn't wear them when they wanted to. I reckon they wouldn't be quite so chilled as they're telling the op she should be.

My DH and sons wear clothes interchangeably now, and as the boys grew up I took over their outgrown wellies, trainers and walking shoes. Makes economic sense to me..

I can't say as a sm I would be bothered a top I gave got stolen hijacked with my blessing to my god daughter who's cousins with my DSD (who stole it off her) and then it got pinched by her mum and then saw mum wearing it and first thing I thought was oh I like DSM top. Then was informed it was mine lol 😂

I have no idea why so many people loved this top but now it's called the travelling top and I believe DSD aunty now has it after pinching it off mum (with blessing I assume)

Everyone is convinced it's lucky but to me it's just a top. Matters little.

That said I like my DSD mum and have a good relationship so I can't speak to how I would feel if we didn't. Maybe a bit weirded out.

If I was requested to buy clothes to small for DSD to fit mum I would be like Hahahah you joker.

I don't understand why anyone would want to wear male clothes tbh. They have totally different shape surely it wouldnt fit right ? Unless maybe your up and down (which I am not in slightest) but about a 10 with big boobs so this maybe altering my perception on the matter 🤷🏼‍♀️

I suspect it would be a very different story reversed tbh but my response would be the same.

I wouldn't care if my Dd sm was wearing Dd old clothes but again I get on with her too.

Tad odd if you don't though

I'm a step mum and no it wouldnt bother me.

No you gave it to him.

You need to let go off gifts.

Urm, but that wouldn’t just be swapping the position of mum and stepmum; it would be changing the narrative entirely.

The kid has outgrown the clothes. Mum has not confiscated clothes for her own use to the detriment to the kid.

I don't understand. What has working in a sewer got to do with it?

He's outgrown the trainers. He's still wearing the top.

And if he asked to wear it, you think mum would say “no. It’s MINE. MINE. ALL MINE”
and return it to her padlocked wardrobe?

Nothing wrong with stuff he has outgrown (I'm not a step-parent myself but do have one, don't know if that counts!). I don't see a problem with wearing things he still wears if be doesn't mind.

Thinking on it, this is normal to me. My mum and I live far apart, but we will always ask the other if we want clothes that no longer fit/we don't wear, etc. and either post or save them up for the next visit. I would probably do the same with my sons with unisex clothes in future, makes sense if it saves clothes going to waste.

I can see why it might irritate. But I think letting yourself be annoyed by it would be foolish. You have nothing to gain from dwelling on it. Just let it go.

Your second post seems to point to a possible issue but of course if you don't include details in your main post people will just respond to that.
If she's actually telling him to suggest purchases to you so she can wear them then I wouldn't like that but then it suggests she's quite desperate.

No? I didn't say that I did

I wouldn't be annoyed. He got use out of them. Maybe she can't afford new ones?

I reckon most would have the same reaction. Because the deciding factor for most is whether the child is bothered by it and has an agreement with the DSM/DM where they share certain items.

Being cross that it was in the wash doesn’t necessarily mean the boy is unhappy with his DM using his things generally. For all we know he borrows some of her expensive hoodies/jumpers too.

The crucial word in the OP’s second post was “jokingly”, ie the mum suggested it jokingly.

Honestly, unclench. It’s either on her feet or potentially land fill

Or she could sell them and make a couple of quid? That’s worse right?

it’s better than her being snarky about stuff you buy him and he grows out of it never having worn it.

So are you actually loaning him these things and expect him to give his clothes and shoes back when he grows out of them?

You are taking your bad relationship with your ex out on his new wife and it will have a big impact on your own son so be careful here.