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To think I'm a creepy man magnet
117

Shadowmallow · 06/08/2022 13:44

It doesn't matter where I go, whenever I'm alone, I seem to get weird men (often middle aged) coming over to talk to me/cornering me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate it and dread being approached. I'm 35, very plain looking, size 10. Day to day I wear jeans and t shirts/midi skirts and t shirts, very casual. Nothing remotely attention grabbing about me.

I'm currently at a large park, enjoying the sun, reading a book. There are plenty of empty benches everywhere, but of course some creepy guy comes and sits right next to me on a bench and starts asking me what I'm up to, how's my book, with a creepy smirk on his face. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting outside a coffee shop reading and a man decided to come and sit and my table without asking, started talking AT me, and said he liked my trainers - he wasn't even a customer of the coffee place. I had to tell him sorry but I've come here to read my book so not really up for chatting today. This has been happening all my life - is it just me or do all women get this?

Also I can't work out their intentions - do they just want to chat, or actually make women feel intimidated?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Wouldloveanother · 06/08/2022 13:56

It’s the classic male attitude that women, any women, are there as entertainment at any given moment they fancy. I get this a lot - men who just walk up to me and start talking at me about some random boring thing in their lives, like I want to hear it. I know some people will say they’re lonely etc but when do you ever see them do it to other men? Apparently we’ve got the free time and amenable attitudes to listen to their rubbish 🙄 YANBU

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TwoMonthsOff · 06/08/2022 14:03

Awful for you
Just ask ‘why are you taking to me’

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DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 14:22

So you wrote all that sitting in the park? Yeah right…here we go on the “men are shit” boogaloo.

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Solokidydad · 06/08/2022 14:39

Wouldloveanother · 06/08/2022 13:56

It’s the classic male attitude that women, any women, are there as entertainment at any given moment they fancy. I get this a lot - men who just walk up to me and start talking at me about some random boring thing in their lives, like I want to hear it. I know some people will say they’re lonely etc but when do you ever see them do it to other men? Apparently we’ve got the free time and amenable attitudes to listen to their rubbish 🙄 YANBU

As a single dad and a male, you are talking rubbish. Funnily enough I get both men and women sit next to me when I take kids to the park and start asking questions. If I want leaving alone I politely ask and for reference no I would not sit down invited with any one reading a book. Classic male attitude may be I'm just not a classic male single father then 🥱

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 14:42

I once had a man come up to me when I was sat on my bench reading my book and ask me to stay there because he was enjoying looking at my legs (I was in a knee length skirt), he then took a few steps back and stared at my legs Envy

Not all men are creeps, but when they are, oh boy they are!

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Wouldloveanother · 06/08/2022 14:44

‘As a male’ @Solokidydad you don’t get to decide how women should deal with being approached by men they don’t know. Firstly men are less likely to approach you with nefarious intentions. Secondly when they do there’s less of a physical risk. Thirdly, you probably haven’t spent your life looking over your shoulder when walking home in the dark, or weighing up whether that shortcut through poorly lit areas is ‘really worth it’. Women view personal safety very differently. So you can stick your ‘talking rubbish’ where the sun don’t shine.

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 14:52

Solokidydad · 06/08/2022 14:39

As a single dad and a male, you are talking rubbish. Funnily enough I get both men and women sit next to me when I take kids to the park and start asking questions. If I want leaving alone I politely ask and for reference no I would not sit down invited with any one reading a book. Classic male attitude may be I'm just not a classic male single father then 🥱

When a man sits down and talks to you you probably don't worry that if you don't respond he might assault you or start verbally abusing you with the classic lines such as:

"You fat slag/frigid bitch/ugly whore, you should be grateful I'm talking to you' etc

More often than not women end up in awkward, polite conversations whilst trying to scan their surroundings to work out who will help them if things turn south (more so the park scenario less so the cafe scenario).

Women are probably happier to talk to you specifically when you are at the park because you have children with you. You are far less likely to kick up a fuss or worse if you are looking after your kids, so you are safer and therefore easier to talk to.

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Shadowmallow · 06/08/2022 15:19

DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 14:22

So you wrote all that sitting in the park? Yeah right…here we go on the “men are shit” boogaloo.

What do you mean? I'm on my mobile phone which has a data connection... and I'm still at the park.

I dont hate men, I don't see where I've written that?

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DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 15:28

Shadowmallow · 06/08/2022 15:19

What do you mean? I'm on my mobile phone which has a data connection... and I'm still at the park.

I dont hate men, I don't see where I've written that?

I mean this is another “aren’t men crap” thread. Not complicated.

There are thousands on here and most of them follow the same theme - Describe alleged poor behaviour then get the chorus going.

Yaaaaawn.

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Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 06/08/2022 15:31

@DontBlameMe79
i don’t think your posts are doing a great deal for the general image of men, to be honest.

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Weefreetiffany · 06/08/2022 15:34

DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 15:28

I mean this is another “aren’t men crap” thread. Not complicated.

There are thousands on here and most of them follow the same theme - Describe alleged poor behaviour then get the chorus going.

Yaaaaawn.

Well take it up with the men who are shit, don’t get mardy with the women for daring to point out the bad behaviour. Classic victim blaming right there. Perhaps MUMSnet isn’t for you if you don’t like women talking about their lived experiences?

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picklemewalnuts · 06/08/2022 15:36

Actually OP, you did make a mistake-

"I had to tell him sorry but I've come here to read my book so not really up for chatting today."

You didn't have to tell him, you didn't have to apologise.
Next time simply ignore him, pretending your lost in your book, or look at him then look away. Maybe just say 'No, not here to chat, I'm busy.'.

Whatever you feel able to do, don't feel obliged to apologise.

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picklemewalnuts · 06/08/2022 15:38

And for those of you who think that's rude, maybe you don't know how much of women's time is sucked up by people expecting them to be polite cheerful friendly at all times.

If you want to complement someone, do it in passing with no expectation of a response. I say 'love your shoes!', without pausing as I pass. No response needed. Generally get a big smile.

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DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 06/08/2022 15:42

Solokidydad · 06/08/2022 14:39

As a single dad and a male, you are talking rubbish. Funnily enough I get both men and women sit next to me when I take kids to the park and start asking questions. If I want leaving alone I politely ask and for reference no I would not sit down invited with any one reading a book. Classic male attitude may be I'm just not a classic male single father then 🥱

Classic NAMALT 🙄

Yes, you are wonderful and lovely for not harassing women. Good for you.

As pointed out, whilst you're single dadding at the park, a male or female plonking themselves next to you, invading your personal space and demanding conversation, does not have the same connotation.

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Plumtreebob · 06/08/2022 15:51

@DontBlameMe79 - I am so very pleased for you that you do not have a reason to fear strange men speaking to you, Unfortunately not everyone has had the same experience as you. I do not know 1 woman who hasn’t had some sort of scary experience with a strange man at some point. NAMALT, but enough are that women are entitled to talk about it.

OP I’ve experienced this too. Very few women approach me unless I’m at the park and we both have our kids and we exchange pleasantries about the children. Men I’ve had try and engage me in conversation at the doctors, on public transport, park, shop etc etc. and some have got nasty when I didn’t play along.

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Shadowmallow · 06/08/2022 15:55

DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 15:28

I mean this is another “aren’t men crap” thread. Not complicated.

There are thousands on here and most of them follow the same theme - Describe alleged poor behaviour then get the chorus going.

Yaaaaawn.

That's exactly how I feel about men with no understanding of boundaries. Tired.

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DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 16:00

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 06/08/2022 15:31

@DontBlameMe79
i don’t think your posts are doing a great deal for the general image of men, to be honest.

I’m not trying to improve the image of men, I’ve had my own problems with them and owe them nothing. Just pointing out this is another trope.

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 16:00

DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 15:28

I mean this is another “aren’t men crap” thread. Not complicated.

There are thousands on here and most of them follow the same theme - Describe alleged poor behaviour then get the chorus going.

Yaaaaawn.

From a UN survey:

Among women aged 18-24, 86% said they had been sexually harassed in public spaces

Unsurprisingly when the statistics of women being sexually harassed in public places are this high, there will naturally be a lot of threads about it.

When you add in the more low level behaviour that the OP is talking about then funnily enough, more threads.

If people want women to complain/talk less about poor male behaviour why not try and get the men to behave instead of telling the women they can't talk about it.

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picklemewalnuts · 06/08/2022 16:08

Tropes and clichés exist for a reason, Don'tblameme!

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ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 06/08/2022 16:11

picklemewalnuts · 06/08/2022 15:38

And for those of you who think that's rude, maybe you don't know how much of women's time is sucked up by people expecting them to be polite cheerful friendly at all times.

If you want to complement someone, do it in passing with no expectation of a response. I say 'love your shoes!', without pausing as I pass. No response needed. Generally get a big smile.

Oh I’m glad you do that too! I sometimes do, and share a smile. But only with other women, now that I think of it. I’m always more cautious about interacting with men, from long experience.

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DontBlameMe79 · 06/08/2022 16:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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ChagSameachDoreen · 06/08/2022 16:22

When this happens to me I'm absolutely ruthless. "FUCK OFF. I don't know you."

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 16:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If you think the OP is a troll report the thread to MNHQ. Troll hunting is banned

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ChagSameachDoreen · 06/08/2022 16:25

@DontBlameMe79, you do have some funny ideas about the world!

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IncompleteSenten · 06/08/2022 16:27

It's perfectly possible to type long pieces in public places on a mobile device.

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