To think I'm a creepy man magnet

[Shadowmallow]

It doesn't matter where I go, whenever I'm alone, I seem to get weird men (often middle aged) coming over to talk to me/cornering me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate it and dread being approached. I'm 35, very plain looking, size 10. Day to day I wear jeans and t shirts/midi skirts and t shirts, very casual. Nothing remotely attention grabbing about me.

I'm currently at a large park, enjoying the sun, reading a book. There are plenty of empty benches everywhere, but of course some creepy guy comes and sits right next to me on a bench and starts asking me what I'm up to, how's my book, with a creepy smirk on his face. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting outside a coffee shop reading and a man decided to come and sit and my table without asking, started talking AT me, and said he liked my trainers - he wasn't even a customer of the coffee place. I had to tell him sorry but I've come here to read my book so not really up for chatting today. This has been happening all my life - is it just me or do all women get this?

Also I can't work out their intentions - do they just want to chat, or actually make women feel intimidated?

OP I often get middle aged men talk to me too. I'm similar to you, slightly younger, similar size, very average. I never get the feeling they're being weird though, I just think I maybe look approachable and they want a chat which is fine.

You probably look approachable and friendly. Some people are lonely. You say you're plain, so presumably these "creepy" men don't fancy you

It's because you're a slim relatively young lone female. Creep magnet indeed. You'll still be approached in loose long clothing but less than had you been in shorter outfits.

You are probably not plain however a plain face is subjective and I read somewhere that for casual sex men look at your body more than your face to assess 'fuckability'. If you were in sandals he might have been a foot man and saw just enough to tempt him. Fuck knows! I have been approached fully because he liked my hair! It could be anything, even if you're covered up they will hit on you so live your life as you like

And has anyone noticed how these ‘chats’ are very rarely reciprocal and the man does the majority of the lecturing talking?

@joojitzoo - I am overweight and I wouldn’t call myself attractive. I still get approached by random men, I think it boils down to men who think it’s ok to creep on women in public or demand their attention just aren’t that fussy.

Such a short thread and we already have to NAMALTs lecturing women because apparently, it is rude for women to vent about men being rude to women. We get it: You are very nice men and you are telling us in the nicest possible way to shut up and put up.
hmmm. Wait .... maybe you are not nice after all.... Did that ever occur to you?

Happens frequently to me too. I was followed off the tube this morning and the man tapped me on the should on the escalator to ask why I hadn’t spoken to him because he’d been trying to catch my attention. I was well aware of him trying to catch my attention and trying my best to ignore him. Weirdos everywhere.

@kw1091 How dare you not give the man your full undivided attention, he has a penis you know. He was obviously one of the very nice men like in this thread.

Oh don’t I’ve felt guilty about it all day 😂

As a single dad and a male, you are talking rubbish. Funnily enough I get both men and women sit next to me when I take kids to the park and start asking questions. If I want leaving alone I politely ask and for reference no I would not sit down invited with any one reading a book. Classic male attitude may be I'm just not a classic male single father then 🥱

Oh look. A man has come to tell us what our female lived experience is really like. Can't be breaking our pretty little heads over the subject now, can we?

Ear phones don’t have to have them on? Or just don’t respond - literally don’t respond. I’m sick of men trying to tell me to smile or commenting when I’m really so I just carry on reading and occasionally one persistent man will carry on ‘what you reading etc’ and I will just look up and just say ‘not now I’m busy’ and go back to my book

‘As a male’ @Solokidydad you don’t get to decide how women should deal with being approached by men they don’t know. Firstly men are less likely to approach you with nefarious intentions. Secondly when they do there’s less of a physical risk. Thirdly, you probably haven’t spent your life looking over your shoulder when walking home in the dark, or weighing up whether that shortcut through poorly lit areas is ‘really worth it’. Women view personal safety very differently. So you can stick your ‘talking rubbish’ where the sun don’t shine.

100% this 👏👏👏

@DontBlameMe79

So many men with abhorrent behaviour out there.
Women are aloud to talk about it.
It has nothing to do with ”man hating”.
I find people like you, usually to be quite misogynistic.

Tbf if you have earphones in they normally do that little gesture to mean 'take your earphone out' because, you know, their words are so important for you to hear...

Oh look another feminist telling allen how they think and act, pathetic.

I have no issue with people talking to me no matter what their gender and then again I'm not the one sticking Ng pointless labels on the opposite sex 😂

Exactly 👋 another Saturday mums net special pile on.

Amen.

Gosh, lots of hurt feelings on here! Who knew it was so painless to hear, lots of women don't want to be talked at?

I'm actually aware that women do it too, though less often. It's come to me relatively late in life that actually I'm not obliged to tackle other people's loneliness, whether they are male or female. My desire to be left alone is just as valid as theirs to have an audience.

I'm very averagely attractive but I think sometimes that garners men up to approach you. They think she ought to be grateful for my attention
You're attractive enough that they TRY but if you turn them down, they are weird/bitter/full of insults.

If you were beautiful, in their eyes, you might have the right to turn them down but being in their league they judge how dare you not be delighted they approached you.

Maybe you’ll have a man offer you a tampon soon 😂 No man (creepy or otherwise) comes anywhere near me I have 3 kids under 5 hanging off me, I don’t recommend that though if you want to read a book in peace! I promise to teach them all not to be creepy men when they grow up!

You sound absolutely vile. Worrying that you’re a father.

@Solokidydad that's going to take some beating for the shittest post of the day. 2 hours to go, but you are streets ahead.