DH surprise touching my breasts?

[HelloSunshine2]

Sorry for title.... didn't know how to describe it.

Been with DH 10+ years and the same argument crops up now and then. DH likes to put his hand up my top when I'm not expecting it, I.e. in the kitchen with kids in the next room. Or I'll be lying in bed reading and he'll just start twiddling my nipple, or last night I was almost asleep and he decided to start stroking my nipple out of the blue (the conversation before turning light off to sleep had been about his work so not at all romantic).

I am self conscious about my breasts and also as a mum of three young kids I don't appreciate unexpected/ unwanted touching as I am usually touched out. I've told DH I need romance and a build up to intimacy, so I'm not sure what he's expecting from these interactions. We are cuddly so there is affection but we're not intimate frequently (about once every two/three weeks).

After last night's surprise 'tweaking' he got defensive by my reaction to move away as I was just about to nod off. He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

I think sometimes he does it to be playful and other times I think it's his way of coming onto me, but it's always out of the blue and he knows I don't like it.

Am I weird or is he overstepping the boundaries?

My ex had similar views. My current partner is fully aware that kind of behaviour will more than likely lead to a surprise knee to his groin

He's overstepping and you are not weird at all!

You have told him you don't like it - yet he continues to do it.

Then he gets defensive, because (I'd imagine) he feels like he's clueless as to how to actually create more intimacy with you, so instead of dealing with his feeling of inadequacy, he projects it onto you and shames you for being "abnormal".

This is how I read it.

If my partner decided to pinch my nipple with no warning I'd be tempted to slap him. More likely I'd just have a massive go at him but no that's not normal.

It's intrusive, it's rude, it's not consensual and frankly nipples are sensitive and not always in a pleasurable way. On my period this would make me feel sick and then enraged. Off my period it would be annoying as hell.

Tell him hands off of your body without your consent. It's still sexual assault within a marriage.

It also sounds like he had no idea about female anatomy and thinks touching a nipple must, surely, always turn us on instead of often times being uncomfortable out of context.

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

Creepy as fuck. As a pp said, it’s a small step from this to a husband should be able to have sex with his wife when he wants and she should enjoy it. You don’t belong to him and your wants and needs matter just as much as his. You are perfectly within your rights to tell him to keep his nasty, predatory hands to himself.

He sounds disgusting
sorry op I think he’s out of order
id be peeved off in your place

My ex husband used to do the exact same thing and it's one of the main reasons I left him. He thought it was funny , sometimes he thought it was sexy, it didn't matter how many times I said I hate it . It just made me find him disgusting.

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

Massive, massive red flag for a sex pest! No man should be able to touch ANY woman just because he feels like it - that's over riding consent and because you're married doesn't change that at ALL.

I would be utterly grossed out by such behaviour AND the underlying attitude of presumption of rights over your body.

What @AllFreeOwls said
Your body your rules. Where would he draw the line?

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

Very grim and gross. No one should be touching anyone without verbal permission / discussion or at least asking first. I think you should tell him this.