Sorry for title.... didn't know how to describe it.
Been with DH 10+ years and the same argument crops up now and then. DH likes to put his hand up my top when I'm not expecting it, I.e. in the kitchen with kids in the next room. Or I'll be lying in bed reading and he'll just start twiddling my nipple, or last night I was almost asleep and he decided to start stroking my nipple out of the blue (the conversation before turning light off to sleep had been about his work so not at all romantic).
I am self conscious about my breasts and also as a mum of three young kids I don't appreciate unexpected/ unwanted touching as I am usually touched out. I've told DH I need romance and a build up to intimacy, so I'm not sure what he's expecting from these interactions. We are cuddly so there is affection but we're not intimate frequently (about once every two/three weeks).
After last night's surprise 'tweaking' he got defensive by my reaction to move away as I was just about to nod off. He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.
I think sometimes he does it to be playful and other times I think it's his way of coming onto me, but it's always out of the blue and he knows I don't like it.
Am I weird or is he overstepping the boundaries?
AIBU?
DH surprise touching my breasts?
HelloSunshine2 · 06/08/2022 09:38
Am I being unreasonable?
417 votes. Final results.
POLLdrawacircleroundit · 06/08/2022 13:29
I know what you mean. But enthusiastic consent has to start somewhere - could this by the DH’s fumbled attempts at doing this?
I get the OP, too - when you don’t want to, you don’t want to - but I think their problem sounds like poor communication (on both sides) rather that a sexual assault. Unless a massive drip feed is about to spill all over me!
Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 13:24
he knows I don't like it
he got defensive by my reaction to move away
he told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it
same argument
None of this sounds like enthusiastic consent to me. The DH in this scenario is not the one I am pitying.
drawacircleroundit · 06/08/2022 13:19
“I've told DH I need romance and a build up to intimacy” is not the same as her saying no.
Her DH might think that what he’s doing is a romantic build up to intimacy.
I haven’t rtft but the description in the OP seems so far removed from the “assault” you claim that I pity the men sometimes.
Wishihadanalgorithm · 06/08/2022 13:05
You have said no and he continues to do this. It is clearly assault. I do t think I could stand town in the same room as this POS.
TheGetaway · 06/08/2022 12:20
Yeah
i suppose I just thought that rather than dozens and dozens of posts agreeing that the OP isn’t BU, I I think we ALL agree on that. It may be interesting to discuss how relationships get to that point.
Never mind
Clymene · 06/08/2022 12:31
What does this mean then @TheGetaway?
I understand that he sounds entitled and that you don’t like it, however, I’m surprised that so many posters wouldn’t find this a turn on. I love my DH doing this.
That's exactly what you said.
drawacircleroundit · 06/08/2022 13:29
I know what you mean. But enthusiastic consent has to start somewhere - could this by the DH’s fumbled attempts at doing this?
I get the OP, too - when you don’t want to, you don’t want to - but I think their problem sounds like poor communication (on both sides) rather that a sexual assault. Unless a massive drip feed is about to spill all over me!
Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 13:24
he knows I don't like it
he got defensive by my reaction to move away
he told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it
same argument
None of this sounds like enthusiastic consent to me. The DH in this scenario is not the one I am pitying.
drawacircleroundit · 06/08/2022 13:19
“I've told DH I need romance and a build up to intimacy” is not the same as her saying no.
Her DH might think that what he’s doing is a romantic build up to intimacy.
I haven’t rtft but the description in the OP seems so far removed from the “assault” you claim that I pity the men sometimes.
Wishihadanalgorithm · 06/08/2022 13:05
You have said no and he continues to do this. It is clearly assault. I do t think I could stand town in the same room as this POS.
PermanentTemporary · 06/08/2022 14:02
The number of men who genuinely think grabbing a women's nipples is 'romantic' is zero. They do it because they like doing it. The decent ones listen if/when they're told their partner doesn't like it.
An option would be an absolute banshee scream of fury, seriously top volume, when he does this. Because after all, it's your right to make any sound you like in your own home, regardless of people's feelings. If he says WTF ask him if he can hear you now when you say you don't like it.
Of course many of us are struck dumb when someone does this sort of stuff. But if you find you're not...
PermanentTemporary · 06/08/2022 14:05
I didn't say none of them like it, if you read it again. I'm responding to the OP, who doesn't.
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