DH surprise touching my breasts?

[HelloSunshine2]

Sorry for title.... didn't know how to describe it.

Been with DH 10+ years and the same argument crops up now and then. DH likes to put his hand up my top when I'm not expecting it, I.e. in the kitchen with kids in the next room. Or I'll be lying in bed reading and he'll just start twiddling my nipple, or last night I was almost asleep and he decided to start stroking my nipple out of the blue (the conversation before turning light off to sleep had been about his work so not at all romantic).

I am self conscious about my breasts and also as a mum of three young kids I don't appreciate unexpected/ unwanted touching as I am usually touched out. I've told DH I need romance and a build up to intimacy, so I'm not sure what he's expecting from these interactions. We are cuddly so there is affection but we're not intimate frequently (about once every two/three weeks).

After last night's surprise 'tweaking' he got defensive by my reaction to move away as I was just about to nod off. He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

I think sometimes he does it to be playful and other times I think it's his way of coming onto me, but it's always out of the blue and he knows I don't like it.

Am I weird or is he overstepping the boundaries?

[RockinHorseShite]

He's over stepping. Your body, your choice, he doesn't get to tell you how you should feel about it

[startfresh]

I would be severely grossed out by someone just "playing with my nipple" and would tell them to piss off in no uncertain terms. That includes my husband. A boob grab or whatever, I can understand, but would still tell him no if I wasn't in the mood. But why the nipple 😳🤮

[DorothyZbornakIsAQueen]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it

Massively overstepping. Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries. No man is entitled to a woman's body. You aren't his property.

[Alfenstein]

This is the most disturbing part of this entire scenario - 'He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.'

You are the lucky recipient of my first LTB

[35965a]

Yuck. As you say where is the build up? If anyone touched my nipple out of the blue it would gross me out so much. Twiddling it like he is tuning a radio? Instant ick.

[jammiewhammie65]

His a sex pest u would have the ick for sure

[Quartz2208]

I agree

I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it

Puts both ownership to him -- it isnt it is your body you get to decide and then there are times where you will enjoy it and times when you dont again you get to decide

Your boundaries and yours to put into place. They are perfectly reasonable - yes some may enjoy or want it and others will be with you. It is a range in which your response is perfectly normal and reasonable

[AllFreeOwls]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it
He's your husband, not your owner. He does not have the rights to your body against your wishes.
Extending this further...if he wanted sex and you didn't... Does he still think he has the right to take what he wants?

[pylonpal]

A man should be able to touch his wife when he wants
That made me feel physically sick. What a disgusting, entitled comment.

i don’t know what you can say to a man who so badly doesn’t respect you as a full and equal human being. Because that is what it comes down to.

[PolishingCandles]

Is he confusing your marriage certificate for an ownership certificate?
I would be telling him to fuck off in no uncertain terms.
Enjoy it, my arse!

[RandomMess]

How would he feel if you prodded his bollocks sharply as he was nodding off to sleep? It's your right thought, whether he likes it or not?

[Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

Pretty short step from I should be able to touch my wife whenever I want to I should be able to have sex with my wife whenever I want

He sees you as a thing, a possession, an object, not as a real human being with thoughts, feelings and opinions of your own.

And he doesn't understand the concept of consent.

If he knows you do not want him to touch your nipples out of the blue and he does it anyway, without your consent, then he is sexually assaulting you, although I appreciate it can be hard to see it that way when it is your partner.

[DisplayPurposesOnly]

Every time I read one of these posts (sadly too frequent), I like to imagine stabbing that gropey hand with a fork.

[Cherchezlaspice]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it

This is disgusting. Did he purchase you with goats?

[OriginalUsername2]

I’m so annoyed on your behalf! Ughhh

[Mally100]

Yanbu. I see alot of these threads where these men think they own their partners body. Urgh. He needs a bloody slap.

[liveforsummer]

@DisplayPurposesOnly

Every time I read one of these posts (sadly too frequent), I like to imagine stabbing that gropey hand with a fork.

They really are frequent aren't they. This could be a template post the amount of times I read it. Shocking it continues when these women are openly expressing they don't like it. I'd be furious if I was falling asleep. He was clearly lying there feeling like he wanted sex but you've explained what you need for that to happen and suddenly tweaking your nipple is not it. Tbh I don't know where you go from here though. Hopefully others will have better advice!

[VanillaParkersBowl]

I think sometimes he does it to be playful and other times I think it's his way of coming onto me, but it's always out of the blue and he knows I don't like it.

If I were you I'd ask him, calmly, why he keeps doing it when he knows you don't like it. How he responds should tell you what you need to know.

You are not weird.

[Paslaptis]

If you've told him you don't like certain kinds of touching or touching at certain times/places, he must respect that. If he's confused or unsure, he can ask you what's OK or not before he does it. If he does something you do not like or want and you tell him no, he stops immediately. He may genuinely have thought you'd like something, and it's OK for him to explain that -- but once you say you do NOT like or want that kind of touching, he does NOT argue with you.

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it.

If this is serious, he's a pig.

[monkeysox]

Accidentally punch the cunt in his nose or balls.

[balalake]

You have been very clear it is unacceptable and sex pest is a good description of your DH.

[CrunchyCarrot]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it

I was married to one like that. I'm not now. He was abusive as well. My opinions and feelings didn't count! So even if your DH isn't abusive, he still has no 'right' to do that and you are definitely entitled to say no. He should respect your boundaries.

[TheVanguardSix]

Goddamn. There needs to be a Fisher Price Grown Manchild range of toys. Something akin to the Jumperoo. A Fondleroo. Plonk them in the bouncy chair and let them fondle various sizes of rubber nipples until they fall asleep, drooling milk over the 'wax' portion of the tray: Full Brazilian, Hollywood, Landing Strip, etc.

You have all my sympathy, OP. You're not an Activity Wall Panel in the kiddie section of a GP waiting room! I can't stand when men do this...which is probably why I'm twice divorced so... don't even listen to me! 😆

[KangarooKenny]

He can you h you whenever he wants ? Is that because he ‘owns’ you ? What a dick.

[BeanieTeen]

He told me he thinks I'm weird and that a husband should be able to touch his wife when he wants and i should enjoy it

That’s so creepy.