To want to cut short expensive road trip 3 days in?

[Fawful]

I'm honestly asking if IBU as I can't see the wood for the trees.
DP (or more accurately XDP, we co-parent happily) and I and our two teens have been on a fly drive in California for a few days.

First two days have been in LA.

Upon getting the rental car (which cost an inflated £1500 because the rental place had no other car with a GPS), DP was just sitting in the car and getting ready to turn on the GPS and drive out onto the freeway. I asked that we go around the block at least to get used to it (driving on the right, automatic, big car etc), and DP got onto some boulevard where he wanted to turn left but didn't realise the cars in front also had a green light, and lounged into (fairly fast and quite near) oncoming traffic.
We therefore had a very near miss within 5 minutes.
It took us an hour (or two) to recover and map a gentle route that doesn't involve a freeway to take us to the hotel.
Since then we've barely been out, the second time we did DP said 'Here's this great big car again, that we're too scared to drive...' (He has since said it was 100% a joke and he is not scared. However when we plan routes he works out detours to avoid having to turn left at intersections without traffic lights as he is too scared to have to work out the best moment tu turn left.)

I've barely been eating, I have been so stressed, I'm clearly in fight or flight mode and really panicked.
To avoid a drip feed I'll have to confess now that at the best of time I've always been car-phobic since I have had a crash at 18. I can't drive and avoid driving anywhere. I'm especially scared of speed. But I thought I'd be able to hack it for the kids' sake, because we decided we'd avoid highways whenever possible, and in the same way I made myself go onto the plane for 12 hours even though I truly hate it. Turns out I'm now busy looking for a way out - flying home early, taking the train to places instead...
The kids have been ok though, they have enjoyed the little we have done (beach, eat out and shopping).
DP is very upset that I've mentioned not wanting to go to Sequoias park tomorrow.
I asked for an extra day in LA and he says 'what would be the point?'
I really want to just take the train instead (itinerary was going to be Sequoia -we'd have to cut that out - Palm Springs, Irvine water park, San Diego for the zoo and USS Midway and back to LA), but with the car costing so much, he's not going to agree to that.
I'm genuinely worried he's not coping with US driving but not wanting to admit to it.
Last night he was angry, he says I make him feel powerless and like he's not in control. And I said I get it and I'm sorry, but I'm genuinely scared and not coping either...
Am I being unreasonable to want to switch to a train trip?

Should I trust him that he's ok, or is he delusional to think that he is not scared, himself?

I asked my brothers just now over WhatsApp and one said that I should go with it, and the other said he has always hoped he wouldn't have to be in a position to have to drive on the other side of the road, as he could see himself making mistakes, with the accident risks it involves. He's a v good and frequent driver.
Obviously I shouldn't have suggested a road trip in the first place, I do know that. What a mess.

Many thanks.

You need to grow the fuke up, stop being such a drama queen and give your family a break.

Is this really ALL you have to worry about in life???? There are folk out there WITH REAL LIFE PROBLEMS!

Cripes almighty, I couldn't read the whole thread as would blow a gasket.

Just enjoy your holiday without spoiling it for everyone else!!!

I live in California, and as others have said, driving in LA is just awful.
some helpful tips for turning, follow the lines on the road, they are all marked to help you turn, you need to spot them and follow them. The mirrors on the vehicles aren’t curved like they are in the U.K. so it’s hard to see what’s around you, I angle mine down more so I can see both sides of the Lane markings and the road rather than the car like we do in the U.K.
driving in any major town here is hard, once you hit the freeway it’s much easier

I’ve done this holiday and driving in LA was not fun, but got imminently better once we left. The drive up the coast is beautiful and much less stressful. My advice is to get out of LA and enjoy the rest of your trip, it’s an amazing place. I hope you have a wonderful time.

Yes, get out of the city. But does Google map not work in the US, we’ve used it all over Europe and it’s the one im most used to (I find the in-car ones vary so much, and sometimes out of date). Sorry, not the point I know.

Why don't you suggest he goes out on his own for a short drive to get a bit more used to the car if you think he may be a bit nervous of the newer, bigger car on unfamiliar roads/side?

That way he can get to know the car and the driving styles without you at his side being anxious and nervous, which almost certainly will be having an effect on him too.

I wouldn't let it spoil your holiday.
Let him get used to the car, then trust what he is doing - try not to react to his driving as a 'back seat driver' flinching, especially a non driving one, will only make matters worse.

Get out of LA, that's the busiest, after that it'll be fine, we did the US West Coast driving holiday.

Sorry just seen the update, glad you moved on, it's a gorgeous part of the world, go see and enjoy

I loved in the states for years and think driving over there is a lot safer actually - the road marking etc are usually very clear. Remember you can turn right on a red light!

This will be fine - it just takes a little to adjust to a new car and new roads.
City driving is always stressful. Once you are out on the roads - you will find it much easier.

Have a great holiday. (According to exprienced travellers - my children - adventures are always 'cold wet and uncomfortable or terrifying' but great in retrospect.)

I'm Southern California born and bred and the only place I will NOT drive is San Francisco, lol. I'm glad things seem to be going smoother now you're out of LA.

One thing to remember, though. In California, trains are NOT really set up as a regular mode of transportation. They often don't run frequently or at convenient times, and transfer links (buses, metro link/light rail) are not always 'right there' by the depot. They can be expensive, too. Before you turn your car in, be sure you check Amtrak schedules, station locations, and transportation links.

Seriously well done on getting out of LA and reconsidering, and with a few small adaptations you will have the brilliant trip you envisaged and your children will gain from it, and you will too - really - please please keep going, you won't regret it. I once hired a car in Chicago and was stressed because I could not even get it out of the tight underground car park, and when eventually we got up top into city centre crazy traffic Chicago, I cannot even start to describe how I felt. My passenger (very anxious to start with) was worse. We had already decided to take it for a practice trip to an out of town shopping mall and we met almost instantly with a 10 lane freeway with cars cutting in and out at high speeds and no logical signposting. I did, at that point, wonder about the wisdom of wearing white trousers. The next day we took it down through Illinois, through Indiana and onto Michigan. After a bit of a debacle getting out of Chicago South side, we were on "normal motorways" and they were empty, and the smaller roads and towns were fine. We came back via the less popular roads (more because the motorway was completely devoid of anything and we had become bored on the way out) and it was great, we stopped off in a few places we would have never have seen - to the point that we were greeting the car like an old friend. Tips - (and actually you don't need to do anything here if you would rather opt out of all car related conversations because you have 2 good co-pilots and your partner is sufficiently confident) 1) use the little orange man on google maps in advance so you can "go along" your route seeing it as if you were actually driving, especially the difficult bits - seeing landmarks for the second time can hugely boost confidence that you are on the right route. I often make a few old fashioned paper notes when I am doing this 2) Travel when it is quieter if you can, leave plenty of time 3) If you have many other major cities on your route, there is nothing wrong with parking and riding in on public transport - no stressful city driving, no expensive parking, everyone has a suitable time to relax on the way in before enjoying the city. 4) Don't worry if you go wrong, either pull over, regroup and have another go or do a bit of a circuitous route - you'll get there eventually. There's lots of other good advice from previous posters too. Have a wonderful holiday, and be proud that you have managed this.

Well that's a sensitive response (NOT) to someone who has experienced a phobia around being in cars - since being in a car crash.

@sjpkgp1 LOL, you must have been on the Dan Ryan (aka I-90 East though it goes southbound toward the Skyway as the lake gets in the way).

It's a little like the Roman chariot races. You had a baptism by fire there. Glad you survived.

Ha I lived in Chicago for 3 years and did a daily driving commute (via the much more tame LSD) and the mere mention of the Dan Ryan has bought me out in a cold sweat! Can I also give a shout out to the lower streets? I think it took me about 6 attempts to locate my work parking garage!

I am a very nervous driver and avoid driving on motorways in the Uk - though I am very happy driving in London! But a few years back I did drive in Colorado and it really was not frightening. Get out of LA

I did that cable car ride - it was great. For some reason I really took to Palm Springs!

Glad you got out of LA , and am sure you will have a great holiday!
I have driven in Europe many times now in most European countries, and remember the first time I did it. I was a wreck! I panicked that much I made DH drive off the ferry. 😅
The more you do it, the better you become. Quieter roads really build up your confidence.
I still detest driving in Strasbourg though. So does my Satnav. 😅

Ha I lived in Chicago for 3 years and did a daily driving commute (via the much more tame LSD) and the mere mention of the Dan Ryan has bought me out in a cold sweat! Can I also give a shout out to the lower streets? I think it took me about 6 attempts to locate my work parking garage!

This made me laugh out loud because as a current resident of Chicago that was my first thought as well.

The lower streets are like using the force to navigate because my say nav doesn't work underground. I'm never entirely sure which bit of Chicago I'm going to pop up in.

How awful I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I used to travel a fair hit and had to get used to driving on the other side of the road and this really helped me: you the driver should always be in the middle of the road. You should never be next to the kerb.

once I followed this rule I never got confused about which side to t it n into.

I hope it helps. Best of luck