To want to cut short expensive road trip 3 days in?

[Fawful]

I'm honestly asking if IBU as I can't see the wood for the trees.
DP (or more accurately XDP, we co-parent happily) and I and our two teens have been on a fly drive in California for a few days.

First two days have been in LA.

Upon getting the rental car (which cost an inflated £1500 because the rental place had no other car with a GPS), DP was just sitting in the car and getting ready to turn on the GPS and drive out onto the freeway. I asked that we go around the block at least to get used to it (driving on the right, automatic, big car etc), and DP got onto some boulevard where he wanted to turn left but didn't realise the cars in front also had a green light, and lounged into (fairly fast and quite near) oncoming traffic.
We therefore had a very near miss within 5 minutes.
It took us an hour (or two) to recover and map a gentle route that doesn't involve a freeway to take us to the hotel.
Since then we've barely been out, the second time we did DP said 'Here's this great big car again, that we're too scared to drive...' (He has since said it was 100% a joke and he is not scared. However when we plan routes he works out detours to avoid having to turn left at intersections without traffic lights as he is too scared to have to work out the best moment tu turn left.)

I've barely been eating, I have been so stressed, I'm clearly in fight or flight mode and really panicked.
To avoid a drip feed I'll have to confess now that at the best of time I've always been car-phobic since I have had a crash at 18. I can't drive and avoid driving anywhere. I'm especially scared of speed. But I thought I'd be able to hack it for the kids' sake, because we decided we'd avoid highways whenever possible, and in the same way I made myself go onto the plane for 12 hours even though I truly hate it. Turns out I'm now busy looking for a way out - flying home early, taking the train to places instead...
The kids have been ok though, they have enjoyed the little we have done (beach, eat out and shopping).
DP is very upset that I've mentioned not wanting to go to Sequoias park tomorrow.
I asked for an extra day in LA and he says 'what would be the point?'
I really want to just take the train instead (itinerary was going to be Sequoia -we'd have to cut that out - Palm Springs, Irvine water park, San Diego for the zoo and USS Midway and back to LA), but with the car costing so much, he's not going to agree to that.
I'm genuinely worried he's not coping with US driving but not wanting to admit to it.
Last night he was angry, he says I make him feel powerless and like he's not in control. And I said I get it and I'm sorry, but I'm genuinely scared and not coping either...
Am I being unreasonable to want to switch to a train trip?

Should I trust him that he's ok, or is he delusional to think that he is not scared, himself?

I asked my brothers just now over WhatsApp and one said that I should go with it, and the other said he has always hoped he wouldn't have to be in a position to have to drive on the other side of the road, as he could see himself making mistakes, with the accident risks it involves. He's a v good and frequent driver.
Obviously I shouldn't have suggested a road trip in the first place, I do know that. What a mess.

Many thanks.

Hoogle Moss = Google Maps, sorry!

You and the kids get on a train and arrange to meet him out of the city.

He can then drive without fear of your criticism or concerns and actually get to grips with the roads / traffic etc.

Once you’re out of the city, the driving gets a lot easier.

Once out of LA the driving will be easy. I hated to drive there too, it's awful. I'll drive through San Francisco but not LA.
Just drive politely, it's not like UK. The freeway is max 70 and even max 50 in a lot of areas. Get on i5 and head north.

I am car phobic. I either sit in the back or close my eyes when I find something scary. Trust your husband. We went to Florida. My husband got lost and reversed the wrong way on a motorway. You will be fine.

Shes hardly facing her fears if she wants to sack it off and come home 😂

I get it op.

But please try to control your anxiety around the kids. Don't pass this onto them. I grew up with a very anxious mother, I thought everything in life was going to kill me.

I spent most of my 20-30s in therapy for agoraphobia and panic attacks. I've just learned to drive late 30s. My mothers anxiety had an enormous negative impact on me as a teenager.

Are you on medication/in counselling?

You agreed/suggested a driving holiday with your ex husband and you're car phobic. You really are going to have to suck this one up unfortunately for the other 75% of people on the holiday.

LA is not particularly relaxing to drive around, he will get the hang of it. So many people have a near miss just out of the airport, don't let it ruin your holiday.

Let him handle it and head north. The US is easy to drive around in comparison to lots of European countries, once you get out of the city it is an absolute doddle.

Go to the pharmacy and ask for something to knock yourself out with and you'll be there before you know it!

Yes, I'm taking sertraline, not doing therapy because I have Asperger's anyway so I think that is the source, and not much can be done, so instead trying to not let it rule me. It's always a fine line between listening to yourself and pushing yourself though, isn't it...
Thank you.

Get yourselves onto highway 1, it’s the coast road, no left turns and for that matter no right !
LA is a nightmare, your not on your own.

We hired a small car in Italy without GPS got a bigger one with GPS and on the drive from the airport to the apartment followed the satnav and ended up in the wrong lane with traffic coming towards us (thankfully only one car). We realised later it she often said stay left when meant right!

It was tricky but we got used to it - put it down to experience and learned to slow down and trust the roads

I’m the designated driver in our family in the states and Europe and the first day is hard, but you’ve got to just go with it. Last thing you need is a panicking passenger, I’ve had words with mine and told him you bloody drive if you think you can do better. The freeways are easier in my opinion. You need to make a decision as no point wasting it doesn’t nothing

I’m not sure where you are staying but could you maybe park up at a hotel in Anaheim for a few days & take the kids to Disney? You can walk back & forth to the parks & this will give you a few days to decompress from all the driving.

Or maybe you could head to a Walmart car park & drive around for an hour, just to get used to junctions etc?

I agree with all the other posters that once you get out of LA & onto the freeways, the driving should be much easier. LA is a nightmare!!

Don’t give up altogether, but maybe change your itinerary to avoid such stressful situations? Ditch the car and stay in LA? Drive to one place and stay there? Maybe once you get out the city onto the open/quieter road things will feel better? The beauty of road trips is you can change plans as you go along.

Why would you avoid the interstate? They’re by far the easiest to drive on. They’re just big motorways around cities but get out if those and it’s more like deserted dual carriageway. By avoiding them you’re making any journey more complicated, not to mention longer. And I know you you’re stressed but I’d try not to show it around DH when he’s driving as it won’t be helping. I get it’s very different but having passed an American driving test (by driving for all of 2 minutes around the block!), it’s so much easier and you will adjust, even to the bigger car!

Just came back from pretty similar California trip. Agree with others, get out of LA. Once you do that the traffic is so much better. I found the freeways terrifying. I sat in the back while teen DS navigated in the front. Our GPS with the car did not work but we used google maps. Palm springs was very very hot but there was hardly any traffic. There's a cable car ride about a 20 minute drive outside of PS and it's lovely and cool at the top and you can go for a hike. There is a sign saying "beware of the rattlesnakes" .... fortunately we didn't see any!

I think you will be better off in a larger car, the USA is set up for them.
You will have better visibility in one and should have more grunt to help get up to speed.

Most interstates are significantly quieter and easier to drive than any UK motorway, don't avoid them all.

I know how this feels. Also being on holiday sometimes everything somehow feels worse. Get out of LA. It's a shithole with massive roads. Going to Sequoia might be a turning point for you. The roads are much easier than in the City and it will be a good chance to get used to it. You both just need to concentrate on the left turns and help each other. I would also reccomend Lone Pine and all the quiet places like that around LA. Also concur with what someone else said about route 1. Fuck Sandiego also. I think you will like it in the end. LA always makes me feel like I just want to leave.

My hairdresser's son lives in LA, she hates it so much she makes him go and stay in other cities when she goes to visit him.

Freeways and highways are EASIER than small roads - promise

LA is a continuous nightmare of traffic

I lived in Florida (North of Miami) for several years and drove everywhere happily but when we vacationed in LA I rarely drove and let my American bf drive!

LA is hell to drive in.

Agree re the co-pilot model- when doing tricky driving e.g new place/city etc, we have one of us at the wheel and one of us interpreting the Sat Nav/additional info.

so for example at the left junction, DH would drive, focus on traffic, safety etc. I would read Sat Nav and provide additional detail. junction is coming up, no traffic lights, there are 3 lanes of traffic on each side of the road. all DH would need to do it control the car and identify a safe manoeuvre to exactly where I was directing him!

I don't think there are as many passenger trains in the US as you seem to believe.

Surely once outside the city on the open road it will be easier.

Should be fine - im not sure what the prob is. Possibly lots of lanes. I've driven in the US a lot.
Sequoia should be much easier.

I have autism too. Therapy is absolutely 100% still worth doing. It's made an enormous difference to my life.

Ooo, I feel quite proud that I navigated myself from LAX to Pasadena in a hire car after an 11hr flight.

I know what you mean about those vast intersections and turning left. I got beeped more than once.