To think if people use she/him, other people shouldn't use they/them

[CourtneeLuv]

As the title says, aibu in thinking that if someone uses Dh/Ds/Dd and she/him in their op, regarding who they're griping about, other posters shouldn't refer to them as they/them?

If you do this, why do you do it?

How do you know you won't offend the op/subject of the post by erasing their sex/gender/identity/etc?

I would be very 🤨 if someone did this to me in real life.

Er, because it’s grammatically correct?

Because pronouns are related to the sex of a person and if the sex is unknown then they/them is acceptable as is using they/them when discussing somebody who is not present.

Why does this bother you so much?

I can't always be bothered to scroll back to the top to check if it's a DD or DS, after reading 100 posts about various DD/DS/DSD/DM/Detc.

It's different to a real life conversation where you're only speaking to a few people.

But isn't the OP talking about where the sex IS identified, e.g. if a poster refers to a DS or DD?

Mind, I've seen posters do that - refer to a DS or DD - and THEN use "their" instead of his or her. Which puzzles me deeply.

Is this a wind up post? 🙄

I use DC or they/them when I can't remember what the OP was talking about and can't be arsed to look.

It's not that big a deal. Find something else to get on your soapbox about.

If I do it it's because I'm on the app and can't read the op whilst typing my reply. So if I have fogotten if it was a DD or a DS who is poorly/potty training/ not sleeping, I use them so I don't lose what I've already typing by going back to check.

If it's actually something where sex is reliving then it tends not to happen, as I remember the sex.

^ relevant

Mind, I've seen posters do that - refer to a DS or DD - and THEN use "their" instead of his or her

Depends how their is used. It's a possessive pronoun so using their instead of his/hers is totally fine if talking about something that belongs to more than 1 person. For example using their mum instead of his mum if the person you are discussing has siblings is correct. It can also replace a noun.

Mumsnet ISN’T real life though!

🍿 👀

You're really worked up about people using grammatically correct language?

I'm talking about when people make a concerted effort not to use she/him/whatever the op used, but use gender neutral, even though the op clearly stated she's talking about her husband, for example.

You can tell when people are doing it.

I'm not wound up by it at all, I just wondered why people would tie themselves up on knots not to use terms clearly used by the op.

So not worked up that you posted a whole thread about it

You do know it's okay to offend people - it's not a crime. (yet)

Some people are much more easily offended than others.

I'm not sure I have the power to erase people's identity. I think I'd need a magic wand for that.

Why do you have to be worked up about something to post about it?

Very odd take on things there 🤔

And in other things that haven’t happened this week?

She/he, him/her, his/her's, they/them/their are all interchangeable where grammatically correct as it is Language not a deep, psychosocial inspection of the person's soul.

Using sexed pronouns is correct but so is using their/theirs. All are acceptable so I don't see your issue?
I dont think anyone ties themselves in knots when replacing hers/he's with theirs do they?

On Mumsnet, if people don't like the topic you raise you are either worked up or fretting 🙄

I've noticed this too OP, it's jarring and very odd but I've mostly seen it by OPs who talk of, say, their DS and then conspicuously do not use his or him for the rest of their replies, instead saying their or theirs. It's so weird.

Yes, there's a lot of obtuseness and faux misunderstanding, as usual.

it's jarring and very odd

Really?

People using words correctly is jarring and odd?

Sometimes people do t use 'they' correctly though. It sounds odd and overly contrived.

As I said, you can tell when it is being used in point and when people are just using it normally.

In point?
What do you mean?

I mean like when an op refers to her husband, as a husband several times, calls him he/him throughout her post and then in the replies someone does not use he/him at all in their lengthy reply, but instead use 'they' even at points where it sounds odd compared to 'he/him. As I said in my op.