To think if people use she/him, other people shouldn't use they/them

[CourtneeLuv]

As the title says, aibu in thinking that if someone uses Dh/Ds/Dd and she/him in their op, regarding who they're griping about, other posters shouldn't refer to them as they/them?

If you do this, why do you do it?

How do you know you won't offend the op/subject of the post by erasing their sex/gender/identity/etc?

I would be very 🤨 if someone did this to me in real life.

so we have established that MN is full of people who think using they or them to refer to a single individual is grammatically correct and who also can’t retain the sex of the people under discussion in their brains long enough to use the correct singular pronoun in a reply.
blimey.

Because people now have to choose between been woke vs grammatically correct.

Some of us are old school and opt for grammatically correct.

I have autism and probably adhd.

I'm also menopausal with brain fog.

The reply box on the app means I can't look at the op.

The mobile site on my phone is too difficult for me to navigate.
What do you suggest I do?

My DS just does it automatically. There are non binary females in his social group and he says it's easier to just use 'they' for everyone.

I've never noticed this at all, and would be very surprised if anyone's doing it for any other reason than they've forgotten the sex of the person or that for some reason 'they' flowed in a particular sentence.

The world simply isn't full of people who do this sort of stuff for any other reason. I'm assuming this OP is a very thinly veiled accusation of ultra 'wokeness' in those posters. Well I don't buy it.

Literally is a singular pronoun if sex is unknown

the doctor prescribed x they thought it would help.

maybe, here’s a wild thought, it doesn’t fucking matter and people can use language however they want without having to justify it to you

It’s interesting isn’t it. I think it’s because in that sentence “her” has already been used. So it would appear the speaker isn’t referring to someone who is non binary or where there is uncertainty over gender. So to me it would be an odd sentence construction, almost a mix of styles.

More so than “ I saw Jack by the river, they were getting into a car”. With that I wouldn’t picture a second person.

Don't suppose it matters it's still correct. They/them are just neutral terms. Living with two teenagers with differing identities I try to use they/them as it's usually right

Yes, this is what DS does. His male friends don't care about being referred to as they, but his non binary female friends might get upset at being called she. I think it would be very easy for him to slip up otherwise when I present similarly but am a she!

i am not sure everyone here has your reasons, though.
My DS is autistic and would have no problem at all, incidentally, as his memory of the OP would be pretty much photographic. But he does have problems when people start mucking about with pronouns. But as we know well, disability is the protected category everyone is allowed to forget about

This

where did I say I required justification? I don’t make the grammatical rules. (and I’m not sure why you felt the need to be abusive).
The OP is talking about circumstances where the sex is known. In those circumstances there is no reason at all not to use the appropriate singular pronoun and I agree it’s weird that people don’t.

and living with a teenager with autism, I take care not to use language in a way which is confusing to him.
might be worth reminding the interestingly identitied that people like him exist, and need to be included too.

You’re incorrectly slagging off posters intelligence due to your misunderstanding of grammar but I’m abusive because I said what exactly?

im glad you’ve had such a sheltered life and I hope you never have to find out what being abused feels like

Actually I would sometimes use they - like the doctor example below - even if I knew the sex of the doctor because the sex is irrelevant

That’s only going to work in your home though isn’t it?

they will have to get to grips with outside not followings the rules of home at some point. It’s not about being ableist, we can’t expect the whole world to conform to the norms you use at home to be less confusing to our children.

wish we could. Then my 2yo wouldn’t have told me that girls can’t be drs

They’re still ‘shes’ though. Your Ds shouldn’t have to police his own speech in order to go along with other people’s ideologies.

So no one should be expected to make any accommodations to include people with ASD?
but those who want to alter the rules of language to accommodate their “identity” get to do that, irrespective of whether that makes life difficult for a protected group?
nope. Can’t agree with that.
the fact you feel able to suggest that does illustrate my point about disability not mattering perfectly, though

This

I also find the use of they / them ridiculous. There was a post the other day about whether a birthday gift was suitable for ' them ' . No mention of boy / girl . The gift was body lotion and afternoon tea .

Well it's great for a girl but prob not for a boy . All the responders had to ask who it was for to device if it was suitable .
It also reads really weirdly and quite offensively like a non person

He's okay with it. I agree when it's calling people the opposite to what you see, I'm autistic and find this extremely difficult, but 'they' is neutral. If I had been born 20 years later I'd have been one of those girls.

I can’t always remember if the OP said her boss/partner etc was male or female, so much easier to day ‘they’ rather than scrolling up to check mid-post.

Nothing to do with mis-gendering.

her’s is never grammatically correct

they will have to get to grips with outside not followings the rules of home at some point. It’s not about being ableist, we can’t expect the whole world to conform to the norms you use at home to be less confusing to our children.
FFS. If only those pesky autistics would just “get to grips” with their language deficits eh? I mean they should just TRY HARDER not to have their disability. Shame on you @SomePosters

I understand what you're saying op, it doesn't wind me up particularly either BUT it is noticeable. When it occurs the other way around and someone uses a 'they' in the op, and then someone refers to them as he/she there is usually a spiky remark made somewhere along the way.

It seems some NHS departments are asking staff to sign off emails with their name and then underneath whether they are he she they etc. I've had colleagues refuse to do this as they don't feel they should have to if their names are for eg Catherine or Steve. These things work both ways.

However I also get that sometimes you just forget in amongst the various references to different people within
the op, and if you're typing a quick reply, its sometimes easy to forget, and I think sometimes you just make an assumption (not a conscious one) so it is just an innocent error