To think if people use she/him, other people shouldn't use they/them

[CourtneeLuv]

As the title says, aibu in thinking that if someone uses Dh/Ds/Dd and she/him in their op, regarding who they're griping about, other posters shouldn't refer to them as they/them?

If you do this, why do you do it?

How do you know you won't offend the op/subject of the post by erasing their sex/gender/identity/etc?

I would be very 🤨 if someone did this to me in real life.

When the person being spoken about isn’t present, then it matters not one iota what pronouns people use when referring to them. If someone gets offended by being called ‘they’ instead of ‘she’ when they/she are not even present, then they/she have got bigger issues to worry about. Personally, I think that compelling someone to use specific language to appease someone’s feelings is frankly pathetic.
You’re the one coming across as ‘professionally obtuse’.

Are they

@Looneytune253 Sorry, pressed post too soon! Are they still quite young? If my 16 year old DS introduced me to a child who looked and sounded like a much younger boy, then I'd assume they were female. Though, in isolation I may read them as male.

YABU

Only 12 now but yes the voice may not help their identity in the years to come

For the autistic children surely it would be easier for them to just grasp 'they' too. Rather than he or she, they would be unchanging for everyone?? generally we avoid using pronouns at all but no changing them to an oddly placed “they” is jarring to most but total car crash to my child. Most autistics have some level of language disorder but it occurs in non autistics too.

what will help, do you think?

Sometimes I can't be bothered to keep track of whether your partner is male or female and whether you're married to them, or whether your baby is a boy or girl. If it isn't relevant to the thread, then I don't see why I should scrupulously check your OP rather than just saying "they".

What is a non-binary female other than an oxymoron?

I wish people wouldn't use 'they' to describe one person when it makes no difference to use 'she'or 'he' even if they used the 'wrong' one for an attempt at privacy.

So often it stops being clear if more than one person is involved if use of plural pronouns doesn't necessarily mean that plural is meant. Were there more than one all along? Has someone else joined in?

Possibly it’s just a misunderstanding. When I use a pronoun I’m not describing gender I’m describing sex. I’m not sure why that’s hard to grasp. Mostly surely peoples gender being a reflection of how they feel isn’t pertinent.

I think that’s how most of us use pronouns. The generally accepted meaning is a person of either sex. When we say he or she we are not implying anything g about anyones personality, skills, interests, sense of self, anything! But some people have decided that the sexist interpretations of these words - that a he or a she is necessarily a certain type of person - is the true one, and the rest of us have to get into line even we struggle for reasons not of our making.
fair?

It's how I usually use pronouns too. Though, if it upsets a young person to be constantly reminded that they are female when they are struggling with that, then I am happy to go neutral. I don't agree with irreversible treatments or damaging binders or any of that and I am thankful that I was born a generation too soon.

*is grammatically incorrect