Laws of modern day mumsnet (Lighthearted)

[Dontstartthisagain]

A bit Baz Luhrmann style...

1. Always put Lighthearted in the subject title if it is indeed a piss take
2. You will always get mumsnet vipers take it seriously if it is stated "Lighthearted" in the title. Ignore them.
3. Expect at least a few of the first few replies to misinterpret, spin, twist, get offended by your original post. Expect it.
4. Grammar police are everywhere, they have nothing else to do whilst you seriously "don't have time for that shit" who does? Who cares?!
5. You will always be ridiculed if you ask a question. Regardless. On MN there's always a stupid question.
6. 80% repliers will not have read your OP properly and definitely not your updates...get popcorn
7. There's got to be more... feel free to add

If you post a parking thread without including a diagram, be prepared for complaints.

Oh yes always include a diagram!

Oh and prepare to have posts deleted if they're not offensive but the OP just doesn't agree and happens to have a volunteer admin on their side 🙄

Don't bother posting if you are a step-mum, or even worse, a man!

YABU - you haven't considered that may be he has early onset dementia

If you are a sm you must be prepared to actually sacrifice your own for the benefit of your dsc...

@ginslinger eh?

Don't be so ageist @ginslinger you outrageous goader.
You know damn well it's autism.

You must not have extra bedrooms in your house

If you post about any interaction with another human on AIBU & are fool enough to let modesty or painstaking honesty make you write that maybe you raised your voice, or frowned disapprovingly - even if your actions were prompted by the other party stealing your children or setting light to your house - be prepared to have your behaviour DARVO'd until you flee your own thread & seek sanctuary at a remote nunnery.

All friendships involve too much drama. Therefore your husband is your best friend. Anyone who needs more that is " needy" and hard work.

If you're into creative writing, any stories you invent about scaffolders or builders will always go down a storm.
Teacher/school ones get busted quickly.

If you post about anything woo or woo adjacent (however lighthearted it is) the thread will be piled on by a handful of aggressive sceptics insulting everyone on the thread, demanding proof and ruining the fun. Every time!

YABU - you haven't considered that may be he has early onset dementia

...Even if he's in his eighties.

Because Mumsnetters have a divine right to use words any damn way they want, and the fact that "onset" and "stage" mean completely different things is just grammar fascism.

If you dare mention that you don’t have children, you must patiently endure the “gosh I don’t understand why people are on Mumsnet if they don’t have children head tilt” queries from people who know full well why you might be on here (the zillions of non child related forums) but think they’re being clever/funny/the first person to ever make that comment:

If you're going to get married, the only acceptable way is to spend no more than £15, wear old rags, use a ring-pull as the ring, and make your guests forage food out of bins. Anything else is too extravagant.

Oh, and when recounting an interaction with someone, NEVER mention their age, race, sex, or height. If you do, you're ageist, racist, sexist and heightist.

and if you wear something for longer than 20 minutes without laundering it then you're a filthy minger

Never start anything food related (particularly breakfast) unless you accept that whatever you are proposing to eat will simultaneously be deemed nutritionally deficient, not enough/far too many calories, too much/not enough protein and likely to give you cancer within the hour

if you've had an unfortunate encounter with someone and dare to question it then dementia is always the answer unless it's autism.

Washing your bedclothes should be done either every six months or six hours

anyone who once asks for a favour from a friend or support from a family member with childcare or moving house is a CF who should be cut off with no contact and probably banished as well.

If you leave your dog in the house alone for more than 30 min you should consider re homing them as you clearly cannot care for them and they'll have separation anxiety

Supporting other women is really important unless they are your SIL, MIL or old. If they are old they have no rights to opinions. Making reference to them bringing up their own children is automatically disqualified because they are old.

If you post on The Litter Tray that you have a new kitten it's the law that you must add a photo of the little fluff ball.

Everyone looks 15-20 years younger than their true age, and in their 40s get mistaken for teenagers (genuine posts)!