Laws of modern day mumsnet (Lighthearted)

[Dontstartthisagain]

A bit Baz Luhrmann style...

1. Always put Lighthearted in the subject title if it is indeed a piss take
2. You will always get mumsnet vipers take it seriously if it is stated "Lighthearted" in the title. Ignore them.
3. Expect at least a few of the first few replies to misinterpret, spin, twist, get offended by your original post. Expect it.
4. Grammar police are everywhere, they have nothing else to do whilst you seriously "don't have time for that shit" who does? Who cares?!
5. You will always be ridiculed if you ask a question. Regardless. On MN there's always a stupid question.
6. 80% repliers will not have read your OP properly and definitely not your updates...get popcorn
7. There's got to be more... feel free to add

1. If your DH earns £2000 a month and the SAHM wants to work a job paying £1000 a month but childcare will be £1000 a month and SAHM dare to point out how its worthless as her salary will get wiped out by childcare costs, it is MN law that someone must comment that DH should cover half the costs. Missing the point that either way working is still of ZERO financial benefit to the family!

1. DH must then also be willing to adjust their hours to accommodate wife's new job. No matter if DH works in the emergency services or as a dust man, they SURELY can just tell their employer that they need to work hours of their choice.

1. Any husband daring to have a hobby is neglecting their family. Any wife daring to have a hobby is just taking hard earned time for herself.

1. If a wife trusts her husband to be around other woman and GASP even stay over at a female friends house they must be a "cool" wife and it's not just that they trust their DH and their DH is also trustworthy.

1. All teachers are amazing and can never have a bad word said against them.......ever. If you do you are teacher bashing.

1. School is not childcare, but also once children start school you should get a job as your kids are now children that are being cared for at school thereby freeing you up to work.....but still not childcare and dont you dare assume them being at school should allow you free time to work because school isnt childcare. But also dont send them to school and not work because that's lazy.

Anyone whose husband actually proposed marriage to her needs a good telling off. And if he dared to give her a ring - WTAF! The MN law states it must be 1950.

What she should have done is "sat him down at the table". Obviously!

Step mums knew what they were getting into…and it’s all their fault anyway (even ifs blatantly not).

Mils are always psychotic and you should go NC asap (although there does seem to be quite a few knocking around but mine was generally lovely)

There are No badly behaved kids… they are definitely all ND

NEVER expect family help with your kids… even if 99% of your friends kids go to GP a lot and have a fabulous relationship with said Gps(and op is just sad about the missing relationship) the GP are being abused as they had their kids and should not want to help

All parents and parents in law are all elderly and suffering the onset of dementia.
All men can just change their working hours to suit their home life.
All men are women hating, raping murderers.
Anyone struggling in their jobs or with money should just either change jobs or study for a better job.
No child should be in their own garden unless between the hours of 10-3......11-2 on Sundays and even then, they should be wearing a gag.
No parent should ever say no to their child as this is abuse and the child will grow up deprived.
All bad behaviour from both sexes, regardless of age is down to autism, Sen or ADHD.
This is just a few of the MN laws . ....and don't you forget it!

Nobody is allowed to visit your new born baby till he/she is actually at school , because you are still recovering from the birth. However if anyone doesn't come to visit, they don't care.
If you have a hot tub, you are a chav and will get diseases from the germ infested soup.
Every bride is a Bridezilla if they didn't invite you to their wedding, even if it's your 2nd cousin twice removed, and you haven't seen them for 20 years. Also never get married unless you can afford a free bar.
You must hate remainers/ Brexiteers/Tories/ the SNP and especially Nicola Sturgeon.

Don't go a holiday in an AI resort. Acceptable holidays are UK based or " culture " places, but definitely NOT camping. 🤣

OW are scum but karma will serve them when he cheats on her.

Cheating married men will keep cheating and will not be punished because men aren't subject to karma. That's fine, nobody cares.

Totally!

Don't admit to washing your car or watering your plants.

Acknowledge that the average chicken can feed a family of 5 for a week and anything else is sheer gluttony.

The main reason people go to weddings is to eat every two hours from a wide range of freshly prepared delicious foods which caters to children, vegans and coeliacs. If you can't offer this, don't get married.

😂
I don't know people managed at my wedding. It was beef or nothing. Right enough it was the 80s and most of the guests were farmers.

Teenagers did not ask to be born (actual quote), so they cannot be expected to do chores.

Everyone has a "six figure" salary or "very high earner" husband.

And you have to mention the speed limit is a limit not a target. Yeah maybe for you for me it's definitely a target, although country lanes can sometimes be challenging

There are No badly behaved kids… they are definitely all ND
Nobody is allowed to visit your new born baby till he/she is actually at school , because you are still recovering from the birth. However if anyone doesn't come to visit, they don't care.

Hilarious 😂

going on with my neighbours? [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4607298-whats-going-on-with-my-neighbours www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4607298-whats-going-on-with-my-neighbours don't be interested or concerned about vanishing neighbours 🥸]]

If you post a pic of yourself and ask about your appearance you must look like a model and make actual models fucking depressed

You are full from a lettuce leaf and one slice of chicken. Anything more is greedy.

If someone offends you, you must fix them with a withering stare and say: ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’

Up to the age of 17, your dc are still children and need PARENTING, which includes curfews and phone trackers. The minute they turn 18, they become lazy SPONGERS, and you must turn them out to fend for themselves. You also downsize immediately, so they have to sleep on the sofa if they want to visit you, the CFs.

Up to the age of 17, your dc are still children and need PARENTING, which includes curfews and phone trackers. The minute they turn 18, they become lazy SPONGERS, and you must turn them out to fend for themselves. You also downsize immediately, so they have to sleep on the sofa if they want to visit you, the CFs

😂😂

You support your 13/14 years old daughter to have sex snd encourage her to take the pill. Boyfriend will sleep with her regularly and if her father dares to say anything he’s misogynistic and you should LTB. You’re a cool mum for supporting her regular sexual activity.

the minute your DC turns 18 they are not allowed to have a bedroom at your place anymore and you should kick them out asap

@AffIt spot on, and brilliantly put 😁

You should never answer your front door.

But all women approached in the street or park or cafe by strangers are mean if they don't engage, as he is probably not a perve, just lonely.

If you expect any kind of inheritance from your parents then you are obviously the worst person ever. No one in Mumsnet ever expects to receive an inheritance either because their parents have nothing or they are going to spend their last penny whilst alive.