Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Large house- you must have lots of children?

421 replies

MarmiteCoriander · 03/08/2022 22:13

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

OP posts:
SweetPetrichor · 04/08/2022 09:45

I wouldn’t assume that. We live in a house with 3 large bedrooms and it’s just the two of us with no intentions of having children to fill it. We wanted the space, we could afford it (Scotland so more affordable) - it gives us a bedroom and an office/man cave/woman cave each.

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 09:46

CounsellorTroi · 04/08/2022 09:37

Another unpleasant little post.

Show quote history

Why unpleasant?

Its the truth. We live on a modern housing estate. A lot of the properties (Like when we originally moved into our first family home without kids) have just couples in them. I see it as a bit like they are feathering the nest. Their houses are modelled on showhomes and pretty lifeless tbh. 25yrs later our old housing estate had moved on from this to kids being the parents, new kids etc. Its how i look at things in cycles. At the moment, the new estate is in its infancy. Obviously there will be some who dont ever plan to have children but i love to see how things change over a long period.

Sorry if you think i am being unpleasant.

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 09:47

Mally100 · 04/08/2022 09:41

The agent tried to reason with her to consider us, but she was having none of it.

Well of course. Who would be stupid enough to turn down more money over what ?

I think you've misunderstood my post. We were willing to offer her more than the other offer.

So we offered her £305k, the woman offered her £310k and she accepted without even giving us a chance to counter. We were just told we'd been outbid. We then told the agent we'd go to £315k which is when she tried to get the seller to consider us.

So the seller was stupid enough to turn down more money.

whumpthereitis · 04/08/2022 09:48

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 09:28

Thank you @heheliosunburg, yes that was my point. We lost out on 3 houses, ALL to single women.

That's like me and my family buying a 20 bedroom property. You can't tell me that it doesn't sound excessive and unnecessary for a family of 5.

Show quote history

If you want a 20 bedroom property and can afford it then go for it. Can genuinely say I’ve never spent time thinking about whether someone is ‘worthy’ to own their house. If you want it and can pay for it, then you’re worthy.

I get you’re annoyed about losing out but that’s a known hazard of the private property market. Other bidders aren’t obliged to move aside for you because you’ve got children and they haven’t.

CounsellorTroi · 04/08/2022 09:50

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 09:46

Why unpleasant?

Its the truth. We live on a modern housing estate. A lot of the properties (Like when we originally moved into our first family home without kids) have just couples in them. I see it as a bit like they are feathering the nest. Their houses are modelled on showhomes and pretty lifeless tbh. 25yrs later our old housing estate had moved on from this to kids being the parents, new kids etc. Its how i look at things in cycles. At the moment, the new estate is in its infancy. Obviously there will be some who dont ever plan to have children but i love to see how things change over a long period.

Sorry if you think i am being unpleasant.

Show quote history

Your post carried an implication that only families make a home.

whumpthereitis · 04/08/2022 09:52

Lol, one person’s ‘homely and lived in’ is someone else’s bombsite hell.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 09:58

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 09:47

I think you've misunderstood my post. We were willing to offer her more than the other offer.

So we offered her £305k, the woman offered her £310k and she accepted without even giving us a chance to counter. We were just told we'd been outbid. We then told the agent we'd go to £315k which is when she tried to get the seller to consider us.

So the seller was stupid enough to turn down more money.

Show quote history

You don't know if it was atupid or if it was because the woman was proceedable faster than others...

Scianel · 04/08/2022 10:03

One person's soulless interior is someone else's dream home. They're doing it for themselves, not for you.

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 10:04

CounsellorTroi · 04/08/2022 09:50

Your post carried an implication that only families make a home.

Show quote history

You read it that way. Thats for you but then you insinuate that i am being unpleasant which is a little aggressive imo.

Anyhow, each to their own and i am looking forward in the forthcoming years to 'some' of these houses being filled with families. I'm sure the ones without kids in them will be just as homely.

Karenxo · 04/08/2022 10:05

Your post carried an implication that only families make a home.

That's true, but a flat or maisonette, or smaller house is equally a home.

MrsR87 · 04/08/2022 10:07

Nope! The house you describe was mine and DH’s first house we bought together with no intention of having children there.

Now we have a four bed with a downstairs study with one DC and another on the way and to be honest will be looking to move to a five bed with the next 2-3 years. To me, a five bed is a big house.

felulageller · 04/08/2022 10:07

I'm an only and at one point in my childhood we lived in a 7 apartment house. There were the 2 bedrooms (not big/attic style), a family living room, a formal living room used when we had guests, a dining room, (kitchen had no space for a table), a spare bedroom for relatives when visiting and a small office room (ran a business).

It did feel too big though. I didn't like it and we didn't stay long. But my DPs bought it because my DM's a keen gardener and it had a mature big one, and it was on a nice street in a nice neighbourhood (all medium/large houses). They also wanted a double garage for their 2 cars.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 10:08

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 10:04

You read it that way. Thats for you but then you insinuate that i am being unpleasant which is a little aggressive imo.

Anyhow, each to their own and i am looking forward in the forthcoming years to 'some' of these houses being filled with families. I'm sure the ones without kids in them will be just as homely.

Show quote history

My house is filled with family. DH and I ARE a family...

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 10:11

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 10:08

My house is filled with family. DH and I ARE a family...

Show quote history

Oxford dictionary.....a group consisting of one or two parents and their children

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 10:13

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 09:58

You don't know if it was atupid or if it was because the woman was proceedable faster than others...

Show quote history

I do know...we were in the same position in terms of being procedable. Otherwise the agent wouldn't have tried to get the seller to change her mind so much. We will never know the real reason but to me, turning down more money from a family, when you specifically said you wanted your home to go back to a family, and selling to a single woman for less, does seem a bit stupid to me. Obviously she was entitled to do what she wanted, but I still don't understand it.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 10:17

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 10:13

I do know...we were in the same position in terms of being procedable. Otherwise the agent wouldn't have tried to get the seller to change her mind so much. We will never know the real reason but to me, turning down more money from a family, when you specifically said you wanted your home to go back to a family, and selling to a single woman for less, does seem a bit stupid to me. Obviously she was entitled to do what she wanted, but I still don't understand it.

Show quote history

I would be pretty fuming if agent discussed my proceedability with other parties....
Unless they did so you do not know. The fact that they tried to talk to the owner is ourely business point as it would add onto their comission.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 10:23

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 10:11

Oxford dictionary.....a group consisting of one or two parents and their children

Show quote history

This type of dictionary stoffness os a reason why we can't get Christmas off!

It is well socially accepted by normal people that married couple are a family

BiddyPop · 04/08/2022 10:24

Strangely, as we were married for a few years before DD came on the scene, we had always considered ourselves (DH and I, that is) as a family. And that our family just got bigger when DD arrived.

But by definition, I have just realised today that even though DH and I had committed to each other through marriage, we were not considered a "family" at that point. We were in a relationship, but not a family.

It is strange the bits of knowledge you learn from random debates on MN....

FastSpin · 04/08/2022 10:24

This thread is getting a bit ridiculous!

There’s all sorts of levels of being able to proceed. Yes I’d be fuming too if any of my personal information was discussed by an agent.

No one has a right to any size of house where personal cash is concerned, bonkers to think otherwise.

Shroedy · 04/08/2022 10:25

"@Bubblebubblebah
My house is filled with family. DH and I ARE a family...

Oxford dictionary.....a group consisting of one or two parents and their children"

Well done for a) Googling a definition from the Oxford Learners Dictionary and trying to pass it off as the OED and b) insulting anyone who chooses or is unable to have children as "not a real family"...

Eastangular2000 · 04/08/2022 10:26

@YaaYaaYaa despite all your protestations it’s clear that you weren’t considered good buyers. Like I said, aim for something a bit better suited to your budget and you won’t have to worry about being stretched and not able to manage. Of course maybe the agents weren’t telling you the truth! We chose our most recent buyers because we preferred them over another bid that was a bit higher. I doubt the agents told the unsuccessful party that though!

MissTrip82 · 04/08/2022 10:28

I lived in three bedroom homes for years as a single woman.

Extremely easy to fill the space if you have a guest room and enjoy hobbies like reading, sewing, playing musical instruments and studying,

YaaYaaYaa · 04/08/2022 10:28

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 10:17

I would be pretty fuming if agent discussed my proceedability with other parties....
Unless they did so you do not know. The fact that they tried to talk to the owner is ourely business point as it would add onto their comission.

Show quote history

Why would you be fuming? It's not like giving out your name and address.

If the agent had said that the other party is a cash buyer so that is why they have chosen to go with them, I could totally understand that and the agent herself said she probably wouldn't have bothered trying to put our offer forward. But that's not what happened.

Shroedy · 04/08/2022 10:28

Shroedy · 04/08/2022 10:25

"@Bubblebubblebah
My house is filled with family. DH and I ARE a family...

Oxford dictionary.....a group consisting of one or two parents and their children"

Well done for a) Googling a definition from the Oxford Learners Dictionary and trying to pass it off as the OED and b) insulting anyone who chooses or is unable to have children as "not a real family"...

@Tessasanderson

MissTrip82 · 04/08/2022 10:29

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 10:11

Oxford dictionary.....a group consisting of one or two parents and their children

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂

Gotta love the dictionary definition self-satisfied GOTCHA.

hahahahhahaa did you hone your skills in year seven debating?