Stupid shit people forgot to mention about parenting

[BlahBl4h]

Mine at the moment is just how many times you can be expected to watch the same fucking movie over and over and over and over.

I want to peel my eyes off.

Anyone?

Haha mine is a night owl and has never gone to bed at a reasonable time. We are lucky if he is in bed/asleep before 8 and mostly it is closer to 9…

Developmental milestones. Invented by health visitors and smug perfect parents to scare the crap out of new parents. You will think your child is defective EVERY SINGLE TIME someone gets out that red book (are they still red?) bollocks to em all, I say.

@Taxanimal too bloody right.
I remember me, Dad & sis all encouranging my then-youngest to draw a face as asked by the bitch, who asked if he'd 'always been spoiled'? GRRRR

That Lynx Africa is actually weaponised fragrance, and when a teenage boy sprays it liberally all over himself (approximately half a can at a go), you will be able to slice the wall of fragrance three rooms away, with closed doors between you and said teen.

A toddler can get sticky in the middle of a completely empty room.

Sudocrem is a bugger to wash off - as we found out when ds1 used about 75% of a big pot of it to coat himself, the carpet and the furniture in his room. Dh had to scrape it out of the soft furnishings, whilst I ended up showering ds1 three times, with lots of soap, to get it all off. His skin was beautifully soft, though…

One day your child, your baby, will start doing things like going to university, getting a job, getting engaged and then married, and having their first baby, and you will feel so old!

So much of this thread reminds me of Dylan Moran’s “Children” sketch 😂

One from my MIL - if your eldest son, aged about 2, goes quiet, go and check what he is doing, because he has got hold of a big tub of scouring powder, and poured it all over himself and the vintage, mirror finish, black Lino in the bathroom. It will rinse off the 2 year old with no ill effects, but sweeping the bathroom floor will completely ruin the mirror finish.

The incessant "can I have something to eat?" through the entire summer holidays and specific to boy Mums, how many times you get a wet sodding leg when you go for a wee 😡

And the competition at primary school events! OMG, I have suffered through so many Easter bonnet parades & nativity plays, where the class favourite was always Jesus/God/angel Gabriel and my children were at best “shepherd with finger up nose”. DS2 had a total bitch reception teacher who told me if he didn’t stop behaving badly he wouldn’t be in the nativity play. I could’ve kissed her..

I've had four children and honestly haven't a fuckign clue what most of you are talking about.

Why are you watching the same film over and over and over again? Why can't you pee alone? Why are you interrupting your own dinner to fetch drinks etc for kids more than old enough to do it themselves? Why wouldn't you go on holidays with toddlers?

My twins are almost 40. It’s still going on but in more subtle ways. Still generate crumbs whenever they visit!

Parenting is basically arriving home and working out which of the 4927 apparently urgent tasks takes precedent as soon as you step through the door.
Also, it finally hits home that when you see an adult saying to a child "I've told you a thousand times..." they really, really have.

That being a parent is the most rewarding but terrifying job there is.

There will always be a pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs to be taken up and at the top of the stairs to bring down.

Every other member of the household will step over this pile. You will be the only one to ever move it.

sensible parents live in a bungalow or flat to mitigate this parenting staple.

You can't eat a meal outside of the family meal time without an expectation that you share what your eating. Even though they were full and couldn't finish their dinner!

Ear phones and music to drown it out?

I wouldn't call them stupid shit people, they can be annoying though

Or read the same 6 page book . . . 😬

You will have multiple piles of shit or 'collections' that you have to have on view for everyone to see. Or in the bottom of your bag for years. Rock collection, pine cone collection, feather collection, junk art (cardboard box) collection, (dead) flower collection.

When you climb 10 million steps to the top of a castle. You mentally pat yourself on the back for making it to the top, take a deep breath and are just starting to admire the view when your DC declares that they need a toilet. You trudge back down the 10 million steps while moaning to self about why they never installed lifts in castles.

Oh no I forgot the annual conker collection

Wow, you're amazing.

That I'd have to play make believe games , where there didn't seem to be any rules but kept getting told I'm doing it wrong.When I asked how I should be doing it, I was told I'm a Mummy so I should know.

I am. But what is the context for your response? It doesn't appear to have any relevance to my questions?

Did you accidentally quote the wrong post?

My children are adults and I'd honestly forgotten some of these...all of which are true! Thanks for the reminders and LOLs. It does get better but once they leave home. 🙂

They grow up, leave home, you sigh with relief and then the flipping grandchildren start arriving who are equally as annoying as their parents were but you are expected to find it endearing now as a grandparent.