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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To walk out of a pub and leave my boyfriend sat alone

100 replies

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 17:49

because he is acting like a huge cock.We're on holiday, he just called my a stupid fat b@tch. I need comments like that like i need a second anus.

I have enough on my plate. Thing about men is you trust them as a best mate but they can come out with the nastiest shit when a woman would just keep it in.

OP posts:

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:25

Flight att, no.

I don't do that. Hence me walking out if a perfectly nice pub and walking back to a hotel. I don't put up with it. I am not a victim. He has behaved like a dick and he has the choice to pull it together now or not. I will leave.

OP posts:

anorak · 19/01/2008 18:27

fairyfly didn't sit there and take it though, she walked out and left him there. That's a clear demonstration that she won't be spoken to like that, surely.

If that were me I would be straight on mumsnet just like you

Is there a minibar in your room?

Where are you, anyway? Can you go out and enjoy some shopping or something?

anorak · 19/01/2008 18:28

ooh cross posted ff!

spicemonster · 19/01/2008 18:28

But what do you want to improve about him? Stop him being such an abusive arse to you?

flllightattendant - I've been there too. And ff this is what happens. Eventually your self-confidence is eroded and eroded until even if you have the guts to leave, you think you're so unattractive and generally unappealing that you'll find it extremely difficult to make another relationship work. Most women don't leave. They stay, because their partners have convinced them they are so completely shit that no other man would put up with them. I don't know why some men do this but it really isn't uncommon.

If I were you, I'd get out now. While you still have a shred of self-respect.

mehdismummy · 19/01/2008 18:28

dump him now. Trust me i wish i had have when i first met dh. It starts off with name calling and gets worse. He does not deserve you. You are worth more. Have you got dc with him? My dh started with name calling then got worse. You sound like a strong independant lady. Dont let him turn you into a weak one. I should know i am that weak one

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:29

Yes we have haven't we flighty.

Ulysees, nice to see you, thanks for making me laugh.

OP posts:

mehdismummy · 19/01/2008 18:32

ulysees you are not a geordie are you? Classic line! Lol

Fireflyfairy2 · 19/01/2008 18:32

Is it too early in your relationship to consider counselling?

I am a firm believer of trying to sort things rather than walk away, so try every avenue before you give up

You didn't just sit there & take it, you left him in the pub. Will he come & find you soon?

Did you tell him what was wrong with him?? ie: he breathes in & out?

LolaTheShowgirl · 19/01/2008 18:32

aww fairy, he sounds like a dick. Where are you? Please don't put up with it if he makes you unhappy. A man who loves you and cares about you really wouldn't have you feeling so bad.

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:34

Jesus, please can people on mn stop this generic wife abuse advise. He called me a name, i am not in an abusive relationship, i have not said i was. I left as i don't want his crap. Why the hell should i dump him? We are having a row. Women do and say and act in the same way to men.

I have been in a shitty relationship, please realise on mn the difference and stop telling women to leave, We would all be single!

OP posts:

LolaTheShowgirl · 19/01/2008 18:37

Ok, stay with him. You've obviously made him see you won't put up with his nonsense so hopefully that is enough. I hope you make up, he doesn't say suck knobbish things to you and manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday

spicemonster · 19/01/2008 18:37

"he was telling me lots of stuff, abut whats wrong with me, then he got cross as i wouldn't speak."

If you don't think that's abusive, then I'm sorry for you, really I am. Telling you what's wrong with you and then when you don't respond, calling you a stupid fat bitch isn't constructive criticism, it's abusive.

I'm going to duck out of this thread now as you obviously don't want to hear it.

Good luck.

LolaTheShowgirl · 19/01/2008 18:39

Sorry, but I do agree with spicemonster but was too afraid to say it myself incase I came across as a man hater.

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:40

mini bar anorak, nope, just tea and coffee here. Could order room service though?

I have to ake a point here, how many of you called men names?

I am upset, i am gutted, it is an expensive arguement and i could have done with some peace at the moment. Sobeit, life love and other traumas x

OP posts:

mehdismummy · 19/01/2008 18:40

well then just sit there and put up with it love. People just trying to help. Your of course right its perfectly normal and ok to call your girlfriend names. I see alot of people who are in love call each other abusive names. Perhaps next time when dh calls me a fat useless cow i should think its ok its normal.

LolaTheShowgirl · 19/01/2008 18:43

So where are you firefly? Anywhere nice?

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:44

well girls, perhaps thats what your doing to me now, telling me where i am going wrong and i wont bother taking it on board, Different when a woman does it then? no.

He was being an idiot, he was telling me what was wrong with me, but my god thats all women ever do to men on here. He got cross, not violent, not aggressive, cross, i wouldn' listen, i wouldn't listen as he was being a human being having a strop, it's annoying.

nobody is perfect, only in mn world.

OP posts:

anorak · 19/01/2008 18:44

ff isn't putting up with it! She walked out!

I doubt he's sitting in that bar having a wonderful time on his own now.

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:46

Lola. I am in chester, but i can only say it like alan partridge does.

OP posts:

anorak · 19/01/2008 18:48

My dh acts like an arse sometimes, but he's a wonderful man and I love him, it's worth it. And can usually explain why I've been upset afterwards and get him to understand. As the years go by he understands more and these things happen less frequently.

And I would be kidding myself if I didn't know that I am as much of an arse myself from time to time. He is good enough to forgive me and not dump me We live and learn about each other. Primary relationships take work.

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:48

he has sent a text asking if i would mind if he came back

i sent one back saying, only if you put your cock bck in your pants and get it off your head

OP posts:

anorak · 19/01/2008 18:49

Chester is lovely isn't it?

spicemonster · 19/01/2008 18:51

I don't think anyone on this thread's called you a stupid fat bitch though. Unless there's some subtext I've missed.

Unless you were really horrible to him, I wouldn't put up with that. Your limit as to what's unreasonable is obviously higher than mine.

Original poster

fairyfly · 19/01/2008 18:52

Exactly anorak, love you x

I am listening to a great female strong hate men song, it's fab.

He is reading men are from mars and women are from venus tomorrow, then, bringing up boys. Only good men do that, even ones who call you names

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 19/01/2008 18:54

When you do meet up again make it clear you will not be called names like that again. Wait for him to apologise and move on.

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