Legal ways to annoy a CF neighbour.

[rightonthyme]

WIBU to ask for (completely legal) ways you got back at your neighbours? A VERY long story short, ours are CFs of the highest degree (violent towards us, and racist, and police have done diddly squat). Have done all the CCTV/security stuff. I'm not moving as love the area and all the other neighbours but I would like to make their stay as uncomfortable as possible (in a fun way, of course).Am thinking ugly gnomes, windchimes, learning the violin...Please keep it lighthearted!

You sound like you're playing devil's advocate and/or you're a shit neighbour yourself

Well, aren't you just a charm. Suggest you try a bit of Beethoven to mask your own 'swear-filled conversations'. Sounds like you deserve your neighbours. Crack on with it.

My old neighbours came round to complain when I roasted some garlic bulbs and used to make oscar-worthy gagging noises if I cooked curry with the windows open. Funny how often we seemed to fancy curry with lots of roasted garlic after that.

Pet cockerel?

Weed killer in a water pistol onto the lawn when they're out? If your aim is good enough, send them a friendly one word message beginning with "C"?

Are they owners or tenants? If tenants you could complain to the agent/landlord, as there should be a cause in their tenancy agreement about not causing a disturbance.

My son took up the tin whistle.

An old smoke alarm with defunct batteries makes an irritating "cheep cheep" noise like a bird . You could hide it in your garden to drive them barmy

Handful of bird seed thrown on their patio furniture will ensure it gets visits (and bird pooh)

I used to punish my NDN lazy tardy son (think loud music and shoving their annoying yappy little dog in the garden to whine/bark for hours while he played music ) by switching the vacuum on and pushing it up to the skirting board on the wall on my side next to his room (6am was good when he'd been partying till 4am on a work night )

And though I've done this , has anyone suggested "GlitterBomb" ?

Get a smoker, and spend all day smoking fish and meats. You get the benefit of delicious food, while they have to deal with the smoke and smell. Bonus points for sitting in your hot tub, listening to your wind chimes while your food slowly cooks…

The problem with most of these suggestions is that your neighbours would have a legitimate complaint if you installed wind chimes or played Baby Shark on a loop. I agree with others upthread that absolute withering silent contempt is the way forwards.

My neighbor was a lovely man who, upon his retirement, took up the saxophone in his spare time and my god was that the most annoying two years.
As it turns out he is shit at the saxophone, incredibly loud, but absolutely awful and he honked his way through 'Careless Whisper' for 18 months before moving on to 'Pretty Woman'

I used to have quite nice conversations with him and fed his cats when he was away, but dear lord, at Six AM on a Sunday I had fantasies of stuffing his head into that saxophone.

If he really cheery about everything. Always greet them by name with a wave. Sing when picking up the litter they have dropped as though there's nothing more you would rather be doing. And laugh. Lots. Get friends round, sit in the garden and laugh in your neighbours' direction. You being happy will wind them up like nothing else.

🙄

I suspect that an entry listing on the sex offenders register was not what the OP is looking to achieve.

Others are right - best not to wind up violent thugs.Keep referring any incident of intimidation to the police. Make a complaint if they won’t follow up.

In my fantasy life ONLY I would be considering all or any of the following petty acts of revenge:

buy a parrot, bring its cage outside and teach it to say, ‘hello you fat f#cker’ every time the neighbour passes.

take up the bagpipes

become fond of frequent bonfires (only if my neighbour is downwind of me)

join a local (tuneless) choir and invite the gang over for regular rehearsals in the garden

install a festival’s worth of flashing outdoor lights with additional strobe lighting in the side nearest my neighbours and turn them on each evening after dark.

Adoot a local hell’s angels chapter and allow them to have axe throwing practise in your garden

I wouldn’t do any of this because where would it leave me if my neighbour did likewise. …

Whenever my neighbour decides anyone else in the building has disturbed her, she plays loud music when she gets up at 6am. She only seems to have the one, very whiney song. I could happily throttle her and I've only not reported her as I'm hoping to sell soon and don't want to have to declare a dispute. Would recommend if you want to get under their skin.

Christ on a bike OP this is absolutely horrible. I would say move if you can, this is an utter and total nightmare. You have my sympathy, I’ve had to deal with a bully neighbor in the past and I’ll remember forever the stress of not being able to relax in your own home. Have you ever thought of asking a lawyer what your chances would be if you’d start a civil lawsuit against them for harassment?

How are they racist exactly? I ask so that you can do things associated with your culture that will wind them up. For example, make strong smelling foods regularly with the windows open, play music in a different language, but will depend on what they hate about you!

The problem with this is you don’t know how they’ll react, and if they have form for violence you run the risk of them reacting in a way that a reasonable person could never imagine.

People have been maimed and murdered over neighbourly disputes. Yes the perpetrators end up in prison after the fact, but at that point people have been hurt/killed, and there’s no rectifying that.

I totally understand your impulse and I too am petty as hell, but don’t be stupid and put yourself in the firing line of violent people. It’s unlikely to result in your satisfaction.

I was going to say the flute. I was once a lodger and the owner decided to learn the flute. It was excruciating. If I never hear Clair de Lune again it will be too soon!!

I found out a few years back that not only are the sensitive MNers against wind chimes but they also dislike old CD's threaded and hung from trees, don't understand why, but I'd do that and make sure that the sun catches them as much as possible. Sadly the Sunday papers no longer give away grotty cds though!

Trap rats and mice in humane traps & put through their letter box in the small hours. Also source live cockroaches, bedbugs and fleas & do same. If you ever move, plant japanese knotweed in their front garden covertly at night.
It's probably criminal damage but it's a lighthearted thread & not to be taken literally everyone!

We had a family move in the next road, it was a Council house. Before long there were so many living there, children were running wild, stealing from gardens, picking fights with other children and generally causing mayhem. Police and Council went all through proper channels to evict them, but this took time. Unfortunately, one of their neighbours was the local hard man, who spent more time in jail than out and he was out when this was happening. He arranged for a full lorry load of horse manure to be delivered to the unruly families house. They left that afternoon, all the family on an open lorry complete with guns. Afterwards the police thanked the neighbour for his “support”.

No good will come of it.

You will wind yourself up further and you will never know if they give two hoots about your antics.

Play this

It’s 10hrs long. Go out for the day/night

You need to find a way for them not to trace it back to you.

If they hang washing out, put a used condom packet in the trouser pocket, send flowers or a scented card from an admirer through the post.

Go out and find some Himalayan balsam seeds and sprinkle them in their garden wait for them to grow then call the council.

Buy some flytrap power, its usually powdered egg white, sprinkle it around their drains and doors. It should attract hordes of blue bottles to their home.

I had a fairly affluent friend who owned a horse. On fine days she would ride the seven miles to my house, tether it in my front garden with a hay net, and come in for a coffee. It used to reduce him to apoplexy.

This is fantastic.

You're perfectly entitled to sunbathe nude in your garden, whether you're male or female and regardless of whether your neighbours can see you or have children.

Being naked isn't an offence, it only becomes an offence if your intention is to harass or cause distress. A naked man staring at you while playing with himself would be an offence. A naked man lying down on a sun lounger certainly wouldn't.

In the absence of evidence that the man intended to cause alarm or had a sexual motive his nakedness would at most fall under section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986,

"A person is guilty of an offence if he—
(a)uses threatening [F1or abusive] words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, or
(b)displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening [F1or abusive],
within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby.

Even if convicted the maximum punishment would be £1000 fine and would not be a sexual offence, therefore the OP wouldn't be classed as a sex offender.

Why are you messing with gnomes/windchimes/violins?

Just give them enough rope to hang themselves. Sooner or later either The Law , or Other Criminals will take notice.

IME, when The Law gets involved you'll have the pleasure of reading about the neighbours' downfall in the media.

When OC step in the departure is faster and more permanent but you'll never know what happened.