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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bit of Filler... husband furious!

677 replies

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 22:37

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
sausage767 · 03/08/2022 02:09

@Tasmanium yes, it should be obvious to any decent doctor. I had my vermillion border filled almost 3 years ago, and I can still tell it's there. My doctor won't put any more filler in there, I just have .5 ml in the body of my lips every 18 months or so. It's funny Anthony Youn announcing this as if he was the first person to work it out, he wasn't.

milkyaqua · 03/08/2022 02:10

It's funny Anthony Youn announcing this as if he was the first person to work it out, he wasn't.

I believe he was the first to prove it, by MRI studies.

sausage767 · 03/08/2022 02:16

@SpidersAreShitheads you're referring to a filler 'mustache' where you can see a shadow on the top of the lip. That's bad injection technique, injecting too much filler from the top (on the skin side) rather than in the lip itself. Or using a soft, more liquid filler that is more prone to migration, and not ideal for this area.

Christinatheastonishing · 03/08/2022 02:38

It's 100% your body and money so your decision and while I guess they can express an opinion, it's not on for anyone to be furious with you and treating you like crap about it.

But I am honestly gobsmacked that sticking shit into one's lips to make them look puffy and fake is now seen as a 'treat' or a way to 'feel nice'.

marvellousmaple · 03/08/2022 03:09

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 23:58

Honestly I was just trying to assess if I had done something wrong!
Happy marriage for many years and been through many issues , had kids late etc
We have a really great life.
BUT
I wanted to ask if I was wrong to have an enhancement that I really wanted if my husband disagreed?
I love it.
He doesn't

Presuming you had the "enhancement " done to be more attractive to your partner and he hates it - then I wouldn't be doing it again.
BTW - to all those people who think other people can't tell - yes they can - and if you think they can't tell because they look the same then why would you do it?
Get yourself a better 6 monthly treat OP. Sorry to be the one to break it to you but you aren't 15. You are 50 . Embrace it. I'd be saving that money up for a kiddy free weekend away! So much more fun than trying to impress random people walking past that you have big lips.

blisstwins · 03/08/2022 03:34

I am so surprised at the outrage. OP saw a GP and had .5 injected which is nothing. It is so conservative. People who say everyone can tell are wrong. You can tell bad work, but many many more have it and you would never know. We are talking about a grown woman who did this because SHE wanted to. I had the same done, .5, and honestly it made me feel so good. It is a tiny enhancement that gives you a boost like a good haircut or color. My very good doctor says most filler doesn’t need boosting more than once every 18 months or so. I am open about it because I am not trying to pass for something, but I want to look nice and feel good. OP should thank her family for their opinions and carry on. They are being quite mean really. In a few days there will be a mini Ike difference that will make OP feel great and look herself. Why this bothers her family or others on this thread is beyond me.

milkyaqua · 03/08/2022 03:42

How is it that the OP's husband can tell, if it is always so undiscernable?

blisstwins · 03/08/2022 03:53

Lips swell from the procedure for the first few days and then quickly go to normal.

I am willing to bet OP mentioned it however. If she had said nothing about Botox and just proceeded as usual I am willing to be no one would have noticed.

LunchPoems · 03/08/2022 04:09

blisstwins · 03/08/2022 03:34

I am so surprised at the outrage. OP saw a GP and had .5 injected which is nothing. It is so conservative. People who say everyone can tell are wrong. You can tell bad work, but many many more have it and you would never know. We are talking about a grown woman who did this because SHE wanted to. I had the same done, .5, and honestly it made me feel so good. It is a tiny enhancement that gives you a boost like a good haircut or color. My very good doctor says most filler doesn’t need boosting more than once every 18 months or so. I am open about it because I am not trying to pass for something, but I want to look nice and feel good. OP should thank her family for their opinions and carry on. They are being quite mean really. In a few days there will be a mini Ike difference that will make OP feel great and look herself. Why this bothers her family or others on this thread is beyond me.

What @blisstwins said. It’s absolute rubbish that you can always tell who’s had Botox or fillers, if it’s well done and subtle.

Im quite tempted by a little lip filler just to restore a bit of volume, and I’m bemused by the outrage.

@Bonnie7 hope you’re pleased, it’s nice to feel confident and refreshed - I’m a similar age and can well understand 😃

Kaileighohkaileigh · 03/08/2022 04:40

Absolutely your body, your choice. But your DH is entitled to find it unattractive - I guess the question is, what would you do if your DH changed his appearance in a way that you really, really didn't like and that he couldn't instantly rectify? Would you be happy about it, even though you hated it but he insisted that he loved his new look? Would you be OK with the fact he changed his physical appearance to something that you really don't like without talking it over with you first? Would you be happy that he did something that carries some risk of permanent damage without talking to you first?

^^ This is the most sensible post on here. My dh would NEVER dictate what I did or didn't do to my face but if I decided to change the face he fell in love with without talking to him first, well that would be weird. Same way if he decided to change his appearance in an artificial, potentially risky way, I hope very much that he'd want to talk to me about it first. Not to get my permission but just to discuss it with the person who he lives with, loves and who sees his face very first thing in the morning and last thing at night!

My teen dc are autistic and I suspect would be absolutely horrified if I had this done because I wouldn't look like my usual self and they would find that quite distressing. I will canvas their opinions about it in the morning as I'm now quite interested to see what they (and dh) would think about this! My dd is so right on it's painful so she'll want to go down the 'it's your decision' route but I think she'll really struggle to stick with that if it came to her nearly 50yr old mum having lip fillers Grin.

honkeytonkwoman38 · 03/08/2022 05:10

I think it's bizarre that any woman wants to do this to themselves. I think my daughters would have a similar reaction but in my view that's good. Society has moved on and I hope they don't ever feel they have to do that to themselves and that they are comfortable in their own skin. You clearly aren't. It's your choice I guess.

diamondpony80 · 03/08/2022 05:21

It is your face, your choice. But I would probably be pretty pissed if DH or one of my kids did this too. I have never met a single person that lip filler looked good on. Probably because most people overdo it to actually achieve the trout pout look. Not saying you did, but I'm sure seeing you before the swelling went down was a bit of a shock to the family if they didn't know you were going to do it.

Shoxfordian · 03/08/2022 05:35

People on here can be so judgemental
Op had a small amount of lip filler; not a huge tattoo on her forehead saying fuck - it’s not a big deal!

Is your husband usually so controlling? He’s out of order and you have nothing to apologise for - he’s also teaching his sexist ways to your eldest son so that’s not great either

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 05:46

Your face, your choice BUT your husband does also have the right to decide if he can face kissing you now and to decide if he is attracted or not to your new look.
it would personally for me be the biggest ever turn off. I hate the fake look and lips are always so obvious and massively change someone’s face.
Your child no doubt feels you have been butchered and is sad and emotive about it.
They love you as you are.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 03/08/2022 05:51

Just out of interest OP, will you do it again?

Pleasebeafleabite · 03/08/2022 06:01

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 05:46

Your face, your choice BUT your husband does also have the right to decide if he can face kissing you now and to decide if he is attracted or not to your new look.
it would personally for me be the biggest ever turn off. I hate the fake look and lips are always so obvious and massively change someone’s face.
Your child no doubt feels you have been butchered and is sad and emotive about it.
They love you as you are.

This comment is hilarious. It’s 0.5 ml of filler. It will barely be noticeable tomorrow once it’s settled down.

5128gap · 03/08/2022 06:07

Whatever your H thinks of your appearance, that he feels entitled to express that opinion as 'fury' and use childish manipulation against you as punishment (wouldn't eat his tea? Please!) suggests a very unhealthy dynamic.He barely looks at you, yet still sees you as 'his' and is annoyed you've changed his property.
That your young son has jumped on the bandwagon as his cheerleader; and that it's seemingly acceptable in your household for a 12 year old boy to sneer at his mother's appearance, is even more concerning.
Its entirely possible for your husband to say he doesn't like the filler without all the amateur dramatics and ageist mockery, but instead he's indulging in a muscle flexing tantrum and teaching your son that that's OK.
OP, you need to make a stand here, as this goes beyond lip filler. It's about respect for you and your rights. Tell them both in no uncertain terms that the filler stays, and you won't hear another word about it.

sausage767 · 03/08/2022 06:19

Our lips, as well as the rest of our faces, lose volume as we age.

So OP is really just restoring her lips to the state that her husband fell in love with.

So all the outrage, and the husbands anger about OP changing her face, is ridiculous.

royly · 03/08/2022 06:24

I’ve never had fillers but I do know of celebrities who look way better with them - for example Kylie Jenner who went from being average school girl to quite stunning due to changing her lips.

lol I guess we all have different ideas of stunning. Her face looks jacked to me in the non airbrushed photos.

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 06:27

sausage767 · 03/08/2022 06:19

Our lips, as well as the rest of our faces, lose volume as we age.

So OP is really just restoring her lips to the state that her husband fell in love with.

So all the outrage, and the husbands anger about OP changing her face, is ridiculous.

I am sorry to tell you it is impossible to resurrect the ‘old you’ with cosmetic treatments, you won’t ever look ‘ younger’ you will simply look like you have had work done - and in some cases it can make people look (much) older. People imagine you are very old trying to hold on to youth, it always looks a bit desperate and sad to me. I automatically assume the person lacks self confidence and authority.
I was disappointed to see Kirsty Allsopp going down that road.

Timeforanewnamenow · 03/08/2022 06:27

RewildingAmbridge · 02/08/2022 22:40

How would you feel if your husband changed his face with an unnecessary procedure that can go very wrong? It seems like self harm to me, but maybe my view is biased, because I live in Essex where there are many people whose own mothers wouldn't recognise them anymore, it's like a form of body dysmorphia

This

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 06:29

To be fair he may not like blubber lips and feels it changed their relationship. It’s pretty fundamental to a relationship to find the other one attractive….

rwalker · 03/08/2022 06:29

There being honest better to tell you than let you walk round looking ridiculous and people laughing behind your back

royly · 03/08/2022 06:30

I've been asked if I have filler because my top lip is same size as bottom & I don't have much of a cupid's bow particularly when I smile. However of the people I know who have tried it I still think my lips look full in a different way to theirs. especially in motion.

AllyCatTown · 03/08/2022 06:33

Perhaps our perception of lip fillers are formed by seeing the really obvious and over the top ones. I know I’d be a little disappointed to see loved ones with those. You say it’s really subtle so no idea why they’re furious.