Bit of Filler... husband furious!

[Bonnie7]

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

This.

You don’t need his permission to do anything. I would be furious if my dh thought he had a right to tell me what to do with my own face. I’d be more understanding with dc as they are at a funny age and likely feeding off dad’s negativity, but I would have a chat about bodily autonomy. They might not like change but they don’t own you in the same way that you don’t own them. They can’t tell you what to do or try and make you feel bad for doing something you don’t like that actually doesn’t affect them.

Funnily enough, my dh is very anti-fillers and botox (but not so much anti-fake breasts). We have know a couple of people that take it too far but I have a number of friends who he agrees look well who have very minor tweaks every now and then and he has no clue. I haven’t had anything done yet but when I do I doubt he’ll even notice.

Sadly, you may feel 15, but as your dh and dc have indicated, you are 50 with lip fillers. Your hands and neck will still look 50.
No lip filler, whatever the age of the person receiving it, looks natural, ot indeed, attractive

At 50 lips start to thin. A subtle re-plump is lovely. Assuming that's all you've had, they are probably just a little alarmed by the swelling. They'll get over it.

You say you feel 15 but you’re 50.

Id say that’s an issue in itself.

why do you want to feel 15? And a 15 year old with big lips? Odd.

I had this done and dd was sad as i didnt look like me anymore apparently. Once the swelling died down it looks natural and like my lips but with no smokers lines. Love it. No comedy lips here.

My dp loved it! You 'd' h can butt out.

Absolutely not on. They have no right to be furious. To have a mild opinion, maybe. To pull your leg over it. Fine. To be angry - utterly out of order.

Your child being angry is not acceptable and he needs pulling back into line before he thinks judging and controlling/trying to control a woman is okay and your husband should be making sure your child doesn't think thats okay. Your husband certainly shouldn't be allowing your child to gang up with him against you in any way other than a gently teasing or joking way. Don't tolerate it.

All the people criticising you on here for the work you've had done, are these the people that would also victim blame for a short skirt or a headscarf, or being overweight? We all have the choice to look however we want, and those being judgemental on here need to go away and have a good think about their reaction.

Also just because my neck looks old dosnt mean the rest of me has to look the same. Necks age badly anyway.

People don't get tweakments to look 20 ...in my case it was to look less knackered!

I’d like to think that I wouldn’t have done it without talking to my family first. Lip fillers have such negative connotations; they are associated with mutton-dressed-as-lamb efforts to hold back the ageing process and have therefore become a poster-child of desperation. I wouldn’t want my child to have to defend this to their friends and endure the inevitable comments.
I suppose I see a family as a team - one individual’s decision does have ramifications for the others and those ramifications should be positive.
That being said, OP, I have an impulsive streak and, if I was prepared to hide away for a few weeks in case I did look odd, I might have plumped for it too. I think. Maybe.

I would also like to point out that the. " shit" injected into lips is hydrolauroc acid..naturally found in skin and lost as we age.

How does fillers have ramifications for the family? Everyone should have treat money in a family.

Because of the comments that family members will then have to navigate. I wouldn’t get a footballer’s perm, for example, because my DC would have to cope with the inevitable curiosity from their mates.
But if I knew I could get plumper lips without it looking like I’d had fillers, I’d be on it!

I think the OP feels 15 because she’s been ‘told off’ for getting fillers rather than the fillers made her feel 15.

Its a pity this is about lip fillers as it brings out all those unfortunate women who have internalised ageism with the mutton dressed as lamb comments; believe in men's divine right to dicatate women's bodies; and hide their spitefulness towards other women behind a veil of faux feminism. Not to mention all the deluded 'experts' who would have nothing to do with procedures, completely disinterested in them, yet somehow know all there is to know about them; poring and crowing over pictures of women who've had them.
If you'd posted that your husband hated the (preventable) change in your appearance because you sat there over eating, filling your body with the harmful chemicals in food and alcohol, and didn't take the recommended amount of excercise, so were now overweight, I think you'd have had inspired far more sympathy, despite the principle being the same. And no one would be telling you your changed appearance made you look older and less attractive either.

Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...

I wonder if he and your 12 year-old feel embarrassed and it manifests itself as anger? Although I agree that the fury is a rather OTT reaction. If someone I know had this done and it looked obvious I wouldn’t say anything, but I would secretly think “why?”

How does fillers have ramifications for the family?

Because they are the ones who have to look at it. Unless the OP spends all day in front of the mirror she isn’t going to see it the way everyone else does. I use this approach when buying new glasses, and often get DD and DH's opinion because they are the ones going to have to put up with looking at me.

But you can still tell they're fillers - she's still got the weird upper lip thing going on which looks all puffy and thickened, and just abnormal.

I don't notice this at all, and still can't notice it when going back to look. If I saw these people in the street, I wouldn't think they had fillers

I could tell. It is the way the upper lip tilts up that makes it obvious. It’s easier to tell when the face is in profile. TBH, I don’t think any of those women needed lip fillers.

I think the problem is that so many women these days have lip fillers that it has skewed what we think of as normal. I also feel that it puts so many women under pressure to have these procedures as they are being considered as the norm more and more. I’m 63 and looking it, after many years of looking much younger than my years. Having never been an oil painting in the first place I can accept my ageing more than if I had been a stunning beauty and was afraid of losing my looks.

This

Yes, at the end of the day it's your body and you can technically do what you like, but I'd be pretty shocked and hurt if DH did something like that without even having the decency to mention it beforehand.

To me, being married is about discussing these things - not getting permission, but letting them know what you'll being doing. It's just the right way to treat someone IMO.

As for your 12yo, again, it must be quite a shock to them to suddenly see you come home looking different with absolutely no advanced warning.

I don't think you're wrong to get the fillers if that's what you want to do but I do think it's not very nice to get stuff like that done without at least discussing it with your life partner first.

Some celebrities might have gone too far, but there are many you probably think look that great because of a great diet, good hair and make up and good genes, when in fact they've had very subtle work, you just can't tell.

How does fillers have ramifications for the family?

Because they are the ones who have to look at it.

Quick OP and book your poor unfortunate family members some counselling for dealing with this hugely apocaliptic event

Well to be fair, people with filler tend to look pretty ridiculous

Do you mean hyaluronic acid?
And yes, it occurs naturally in the skin, but don't be fooled into thinking any ungent or injectable purporting to replace this, collegen, or any other naturally occuring compound, is at best, snake oil.
If replacing collogen was that easy, long-term wound healing would be much easier.
And if the OPs family 'barely look at her in normal circs', one can only conclude that the change was so bad it was noticable

Ah ignore them! If they’re a bit more swollen bc you just had them done it was probs just a bit of a shock especially if they didn’t know you were getting it done! 🤣 they’ll probs like them when they’ve settled!

Well said.

Given your child isn't happy either perhaps it is a bit of trout pout.

Obviously you have total autonomy over your body.

One of the younger women in my team (she’s 26) has just had lip fillers. Honestly, she looks ridiculous and it’s distracting as it’s impossible to talk to her and not think “what’s different? What’s wrong with her mouth?” 😂 She’s naturally pretty and had perfectly fine lips before. It’s now the topic of other people’s chatter. Add in her new Russian lash extensions and I’ve now got someone who looks a bit chav and vacuous in a really visible role… people will judge, even though she’s bright, engaged, well spoken, intelligent (MA from Oxford) etc. I have no idea why she wanted to do these things to herself 🤔

So the negative reaction you’ve received could be that your DH and DS are now embarrassed by how you look.

P.s. I’ve had lash extensions and currently looking at Botox, but with a plan to make subtle tweaks, not obvious “I’m off to Love Island” statements

I’d imagine there may also be some embarrassment at being seen with her, if she really does look like a TOWIE, it’s pretty ridiculous.