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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bit of Filler... husband furious!

677 replies

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 22:37

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Londoncallingme · 03/08/2022 07:46

It must look bad and they obviously can’t picture it when it’s less swollen. They are upset and disappointed that you’ve deliberately damaged yourself. I think I’d be the same if my dd did it.
imagine if your husband came home with a small tattoo on his face that you really didn’t like - would you say nothing because he ‘did it for him’?

TullyApplebottom · 03/08/2022 07:47

It can be genuinely upsetting for kids when parental appearance changes suddenly. I remember when my dad shaved off his tache (it was the 80s, please don’t judge). My sister and I both burst into tears. We were about 12 and 8 at the time. We were so upset he grew it back. Still has it.

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 07:48

LuaDipa · 03/08/2022 06:39

This.

You don’t need his permission to do anything. I would be furious if my dh thought he had a right to tell me what to do with my own face. I’d be more understanding with dc as they are at a funny age and likely feeding off dad’s negativity, but I would have a chat about bodily autonomy. They might not like change but they don’t own you in the same way that you don’t own them. They can’t tell you what to do or try and make you feel bad for doing something you don’t like that actually doesn’t affect them.

Funnily enough, my dh is very anti-fillers and botox (but not so much anti-fake breasts). We have know a couple of people that take it too far but I have a number of friends who he agrees look well who have very minor tweaks every now and then and he has no clue. I haven’t had anything done yet but when I do I doubt he’ll even notice.

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He would have to find it attractive to feel threatened by it though….most men/women can’t stand the plastic look so I doubt it is that.

ToxicCuntMum · 03/08/2022 07:50

MummyGummy · 03/08/2022 07:41

I’d imagine there may also be some embarrassment at being seen with her, if she really does look like a TOWIE, it’s pretty ridiculous.

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If you’d RTFT you’d have seen that OP has had 0.5ml of filler. It’s a tiny amount. It probably just looks swollen and red on day one.

If she was walking around town with a face like a baboons arse fair enough

statetrooperstacey · 03/08/2022 07:52

at least they look at you , I had lip fillers a couple of years ago, the bruising was horrendous for about a week and no fucker even noticed that!

BellePeppa · 03/08/2022 07:52

Shoxfordian · 03/08/2022 05:35

People on here can be so judgemental
Op had a small amount of lip filler; not a huge tattoo on her forehead saying fuck - it’s not a big deal!

Is your husband usually so controlling? He’s out of order and you have nothing to apologise for - he’s also teaching his sexist ways to your eldest son so that’s not great either

Well apparently on here if she did have said tattoo that would be fine as it’s her forehead and her choice so eff anyone, husband and kid included, who didn’t like it🤷‍♀️

BellePeppa · 03/08/2022 07:54

CloudCatz · 03/08/2022 00:07

The idea that a small 0.5ml change is a caricature is bizarre. I don't think if it was something like this that it looks awful or like a caricature. These just look like they could be her natural lips.

That looks very good but is that what the OP has? Would someone be furious at that result?

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 07:54

5128gap · 03/08/2022 07:09

Its a pity this is about lip fillers as it brings out all those unfortunate women who have internalised ageism with the mutton dressed as lamb comments; believe in men's divine right to dicatate women's bodies; and hide their spitefulness towards other women behind a veil of faux feminism. Not to mention all the deluded 'experts' who would have nothing to do with procedures, completely disinterested in them, yet somehow know all there is to know about them; poring and crowing over pictures of women who've had them.
If you'd posted that your husband hated the (preventable) change in your appearance because you sat there over eating, filling your body with the harmful chemicals in food and alcohol, and didn't take the recommended amount of excercise, so were now overweight, I think you'd have had inspired far more sympathy, despite the principle being the same. And no one would be telling you your changed appearance made you look older and less attractive either.

I think people are entitled to a view, regardless of gender and if doesn’t like fish/goths/ plastic looking faces he is entitled to say so, in the sane way I can. I don’t like the plastic look on men either does that make you feel less victimised for being a woman?

Its personal taste.

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 07:55

statetrooperstacey · 03/08/2022 07:52

at least they look at you , I had lip fillers a couple of years ago, the bruising was horrendous for about a week and no fucker even noticed that!

😂

SimonaRazowska · 03/08/2022 07:57

It’s because they love you as you are (we’re) OP

i’d hate if DH or DC changed something about their face, had to get used about DS’ nose piercing

but yes, their face their choice. Same with you, and in a way you were brave to do it, despite the disapproval

they will get over it.

QueSyrahSyrah · 03/08/2022 07:57

To be fair if my DH came home with his eyebrow pierced or his head shaved without discussing it with me first I'd be fairly put out too, so I don't think he's being totally unreasonable, but I don't think you to try it either.

velvetvixen · 03/08/2022 07:58

I’m 63 and looking it, after many years of looking much younger than my years

I''m 68 and until quite recently always told I looked 10 years younger. I now notice my neck has given in to ageing! 😆

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 03/08/2022 08:04

These fillers/Botox/boob jobs etc look crap. No one looks 25 after having any kind of modern cosmetic work done.
I slowly ghosted someone after they had fillers.
Put me right off.
If Dp had it done I'd say something too. But she wouldn't so.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 03/08/2022 08:05

This is the bit that jumped out “I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!” so everyone saying how awful it must be for him to come home to a changed woman think on.

malificent7 · 03/08/2022 08:09

If someone ghosted me after fillers I'd consider it good riddance!

5128gap · 03/08/2022 08:09

Festoonlights · 03/08/2022 07:48

He would have to find it attractive to feel threatened by it though….most men/women can’t stand the plastic look so I doubt it is that.

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My niece has a lot of procedures. She looks like Barbie. Men practically fall at her feet and several have been shocked to find out she's had enhancements, so its a total myth that men can't stand the look. Many are just not brave enough to tell their militantly natural wives otherwise. And common sense tells you that in our society a huge industry isn't going to grow up around creating a look men hate to see on a woman.

fruitbrewhaha · 03/08/2022 08:09

Well your DS needs to reel his head in for sure. You DH is not setting a good example. Your DH would be find with you going under the knife for a breast lift that is under general anaesthetic but not injectables. Very hypocritical.

It does concern me though that women feel the need to alter their appearance. You and others mention it's your body, you have autonomy etc, but is it really a feminist action to try and hold back the hands of time and adhere to what can be a rather 'fake' look? Maybe your DH is concerned it's slippery slope. That you will keep adding to your 6 monthly injections until you look like a weird version of yourself. As said above, it's a kind of body dysmorphia wrapped up in a fashion.

ChagSameachDoreen · 03/08/2022 08:11

I would be angry if my DH did something like this.

A lot of posters don't seem to understand that marriages and relationships are partnerships with mutual trust and communication, and not just two individuals orbiting one another randomly.

knittingaddict · 03/08/2022 08:12

I think your body, your choice.

Having said that my sil has just had it done and I honestly think it's ruined her face. It's very obvious that she's had work done and it looks ridiculous.

KettrickenSmiled · 03/08/2022 08:13

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 22:48

Well it's funny you should say that. Recently on holiday I commented on a lady next to us who had wonderful boobs. My husband was all up for me having a lift! I wouldn't go that far - to go under anaesthesia but he mentioned it later and said he'd be happy to pay.
Double standards?

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JFC this thread!

Do you often select random women for your husband & you to rate the bodily attributes of, OP?

If this update is true, you are a shallow pair who deserve each other.
But as it's so astonishingly risible & hypocritical, I'm beginning to think the thread's a wind-up.

1VY · 03/08/2022 08:14

LocalHobo · 02/08/2022 22:42

Of course it is your choice, but maybe they wish you were delighted to look fabulous at 50, rather than striving to look 20?
It is nice to know they do look at you normally and like what they see.

Don’t be ridiculous, of course she won’t look 20. If it was that easy to take off 30 years, everyone would be doing it.

Forgiveitall · 03/08/2022 08:14

I don’t think either of you are unreasonable. Surely your DH is allowed an opinion

malificent7 · 03/08/2022 08:17

Also i think that some of us genuinely do look better after a few well applied tweakments.Not EVERYONE. In any case...it the individual is happy...who cares?

The media post the filler gone wrong pics which do look bad.

ReeseWitherfork · 03/08/2022 08:19

for example Kylie Jenner who went from being average school girl to quite stunning due to changing her lips

Funniest comment on the whole thread. Kylie Jenner’s lips are horrendous.

Agree with PPs: your body, your choice. But your husband is allowed to have whatever opinion he wants and react however he wants (within reason). You don’t have the right to tell him he can’t be angry.

malificent7 · 03/08/2022 08:19

My dp is a hippy type and has always liked the natural look but he loved my lip fillers ! Gave him the horn ( sorry).