Bit of Filler... husband furious!

[Bonnie7]

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

Ypur body your choice. They’ll get over it. Stand your ground.

I feel sorry for anyone who has these treatments.

I can't imagine hating myself so much that I want to look artificial. It's apparent when you see it and I think that's so sad.

Often it looks ridiculous.

I'd be disappointed and furious if someone I loved did this too. To me it suggests someone who isn't happy with who they are and that would make me sad. I'd hate my partner to change his face in anyway because I love his face! I'm with your family on this one and to me it suggests they love you deeply.

I would be more bothered that my husband barely looked at me in normal circumstances.

No its not wrong - you were trying something out and may yet decide to do it again or leave it. These are not even permanent changes AIUI.

A normal reaction from a partner who didn't like it would be simply to say "I think I actually preferred them the other way" or "I think you actually look better without/don't need the filler".

To throw a tantrum and involved the DC in the argument is ridiculous. To throw a tantrum about a modification you want whilst promoting a modification he wants is hypocrisy.

Does he always get like this if you do something with which he doesn't agree?

Im in my thirties and my dad had a similar reaction, i only had it done a few hours previously and when he saw me he told me not to mess with my face and to promise not to do it again. I think it was the shock, but after a couple of days they were fine, i only had 0.5ml and my lips are really really thin so I definitely don't have a trout pout. But they did look very swollen at first

The problem with your argument is. People meet, and decide to progress based on the status quo. Turning into a duck I feel isn't on my list of physically attractive attributes.
Saying that a girlfriend turned up to date in a jumpsuit.
That put me off as well.😂
I also think beards and excessive tattoos look ridiculous on men too, especially neck and hand tatts.

You say your family barely look at you in normal circumstances. Perhaps they should reflect on why you got this procedure done instead of raging at you for doing it.

Tell him to fuck off

He doesn’t own your face

Dh is really against this too - it’s a craze among my friends (late 40s early 50s). I agree though would make me feel abit sad if I felt I needed actual surgical treatments to remain acceptable in polite society!

Don’t do this. Understand his response instead - he’s probably shocked and disappointed that you would change the way you look without chatting to him about it.

I’d hate it if DH had someone done like that . Obvs it’s your choice but I understand his point of view. I would hate it if my adult DDs had pumped lips. I just hate that look. I’m very wary of what DDs think about their looks and wouldn’t want to set that example. I guess it’s their shock as you didn’t explain you were getting it done.

This is what I was going to say.

Good for you op. I hope it makes you feel more confident about yourself.

I’m 65 and I’m having it done soon. I’ve always had thin lips and at my age they’ve all but disappeared.

my friend who is 64 had hers done for her daughter’s wedding and looks great. She had 1/2 a mil put in and has not got a trout pout. If you didn’t know she’d had them done you couldn’t tell.
There is a difference in that her lips look slightly bigger and with more shape than before but all it’s done is enhanced her lips and looks absolutely lovely.

At 65 it’s not about looking young but restoring what you already have and I can’t wait to have mine done.

I hope once the swelling goes down op that your dh and ds will see that you haven’t made yourself look like elephant man after all and will realise that they’ve massively overreacted.

An old friend of mine had her boobs enlarged. She was very secretive about it but her DH knew. When she ‘revealed’ her enhancement I was surprised but happy for her as she felt breastfeeding had taken her small to start with boobs. However, her DD is now an older teen and has body issues as she is small busted as her mum was but is comparing herself to mum’s perfectly round, pert bosom. Friend said she didn’t think about the impact on her Dd.🤦🏼‍♀️

Without a picture it’s hard to tell how unnatural your lips look but I can imagine they will settle down and be subtle. Comments about your husband needing to make peace with a trout pout don’t seem justified. I also don’t think this is a massive cry to look 20 again, just someone experimenting with what is out there.

You rated some stranger's breasts so I figure you don't have a lot of moral high ground here.

He doesn't like the fillers. That's his opinion.

Of course it's your choice if you want to look deformed, but they don't have to like it too.

A lot of posters don't seem to understand that marriages and relationships are partnerships with mutual trust and communication, and not just two individuals orbiting one another randomly.

Well put.

All the "it's your body/face, tell him to fuck off" comments just come across as incredibly immature. It has nothing to with someone else 'owning' a part of you or dictating what you can and can't do with your body but demonstrating a basic respect for the feelings/views of your DP. Changing how you look via a semi permanent procedure without so much as a 'heads up' to your other half is pretty disrespectful. For all the claims of 'it's just a tweak, 'it very subtle' or 'you can barely notice it after a few days' are kidding themselves. The vast majority of the time you can tell if 'work' has been done (why bother with it if it makes little to no difference?), it is just that most people are too polite to point it out.

Tbh I'd be pretty freaked out if my partner suddenly turned up having had something like that done without mentioning it

Same I see their point and if yiu have kids other kids be laughing at them and the family, infact other adults will too.

This is
a) absolutely ridiculous and b) completely judgemental.

You don’t need to hate yourself to get cosmetic treatments. People can feel insecure about one part of their body and get it altered - that doesn’t mean they hate themselves. One of my friends has slightly wonky teeth at 26 and has just had braces to permanently change them - do you think she hates herself too?

I personally wouldn’t have surgery because I couldn’t be bothered with the whole idea of it but I think it’s so naive and actually a horrible thing to say that everyone who has “hates themselves” and you “can’t imagine what that’s like”.

There are fair criticisms to be made that are far wider than surgery itself - a beauty industry that even creates the demand for them - but there’s a difference between identifying one part of your body that you don’t love and hating yourself.

I’d be far more concerned about my (theoretical) DH offering to pay for me to have a breast lift. He’d be happy to pay for you to have a general anaesthetic so your boobs looks better for him?

I also love how Mumsnet claims to be such a feminist site but then piles on a woman for getting filler, calling her deformed etc.

Getting filler is absolutely not a feminist act but unless I’ve missed it, there’s been very little criticism of the wider beauty industry that makes women feel as though these treatments are necessary. It’s mostly been “you’ll look shit, you’ll look like this specific type of woman who I clearly judge heavily”. Great job everyone.

I can't understand why getting poison injected into your face or whatever filler is chemically injected into your lips would make anyone feel good! Fake usually looks ... fake and, in my opinion, pretty stupid. If my daughter came home with fake eyelashes or whatever I'd tell her I thought she looked silly and she was beautiful without them. But I wouldn't be 'furious' at her. However, I do think that something that markedly changes your appearance is something you should at least give your partner advance warning about and maybe consider their opinion, even if ultimately it's your choice.

Your body, your choice! However, it’s often very noticeable from the side when people have filler. I just think “oh that person has had filler” and nothing more.

One American actress has had both filler and the sides of her lips tweaked up into a permanent smile- I am guessing thread lift? Most angles it looks amazing, but at some angles you can really tell. My take is that she looks amazing 85% of the time so that’s a win.