To want to not allow DS to go out to play if DD isn't invited

[Twiglett]

OK

we have loads of playdates round here, seriously loads .. and invariably the entire family comes

Sometimes it works after school that only the elder ones come for the first 90 mins but then the younger ones come for dinner

Same happens at other people's houses .. they collect ds from school and then we join them around 5ish

that's just the way it works

BUT

if people invite DS (7)out of the house (ie not collected from school) .. DD (nearly 4) will kick off badly because she wants to play too

DS and DD get on very well .. DS wants DD to go too and wants me to ask if she can

But I can't can I? If they wanted DD too they'd ask wouldn't they? And it just seems so unfair on both of them. Maybe I should just say no he can't go

(we're about 30 mins into a tantrum atm so might not have written that to make sense)

my two boys have different fathers and every weekend my eldest son goes to his dads and the younger one gets soo upset its heartbreaking but he must sees his dad so i try and do something special for the lo.

No you can't demand anyone takes both imo.

Had a playdate recently - invited over DS friend (both 4). Bumped into the dad earler in the day & mentioned playdate. Friend's 3 yo sister then started whingeing that she wanted to come too. Dad then asks DS "Is it OK if X comes too?" and of course DS said yes, even though he doesn't really like playing with girls.

So I was somewhat miffed to have a 3 yo palmed off on me for the afternoon, and by the way that he asked DS rather than me. The boys wanted to play their own games and we had very little that was suitable for a little girl. Eventually DD (8) got out some of her dollies and played with the little girl.

The upshot of it is that I haven't invited the boy round again (even though both he and his sister are lovely) because I don't want to end up with both of them again. You have to supervise a 3 yo so much more than an older one. And children have to learn that their siblings have their own lives and friends too.

That's very rude. It also sends out a signal to his ds that his needs and wants are more important than those of the host and that the host should be ignored.

Dreadful.

One of my ds's friends said to me on Friday, 'Next time I come round, I want sausage and chips.'

Oh I don't know. I am in the middle here.

As regards school playdates, I think that this should be for the child alone and not the sibling.

But as regards home playdates, I do make sure that my two always play together with whoever is around. So one can't go for tea without the other if they are playing with their home friends.

Kimi-this happened to me a couple of times and so one day whilst ds1 was watching tv i lay on the floor-hullaballooing,kicking and shrieking ......he looked at me like i was mad(he realised this quite early on in life lol) i said to him next time were in tesco im gonna do this its good fun -ill take my coat off and do it -you have fun doing it so i will try it ......he did look horrified-well time passed with no tantrum in tesco until one day it was v hot and i took my coat off -son ran away!!!!!

Agree with Dynamic and Radge(just registered that it was Spider)
I know, I know, I only have one ds, so I don't realise how complicated it is, but I do believe that if one child is invited to party/tea/play-date, then only one child goes.
If the norm between all parents is that all siblings go, fine.
If it is too inconvienient, you just have to say no.