To think it's silly to refuse a C Section?

[sandradailey]

I have been attending an NCT class didn't have one in my area with DA

I've made a good friend who has a friend who's joined us recently.

We were talking about birth plans (and how they probably won't go to plan), and her friend said 'the only thing I'm saying on there is 'NO Section'

I said what do you mean, she said 'I will refuse a section'. I said but what if it's an emergency for example baby is in distress? She said 'nope, I won't have one. Simple as that. No section means no section. I may consider it if I'm dying from something like dramatic blood loss but otherwise, no. What'll be will be with the pregnancy itself'

The conversation then moved on but AIBU to think it's a bit silly to say no section whatsoever? So many variables can happen at birth

Similar story here. 17 failed attempts at a spinal before they did the GA.

I was offered a CS with dc3 due to position. I asked to be induced first as didn't want a CS ideally & the consultant agreed due to previous straightforward VBs. It was agreed that if induction failed it would be CS, which is what happened.

@SmallSoupcon ouch

What a stupid comment. Seriously over the top.

A lot of women seem afraid of sections and I don't get it myself. I would be more frightened of having my vagina cut open with a knife than my abdomen.

I was petrified, it's the cut, the spinal, not being able to feel body, strapped down etc. I absolutely hated it but the anaesthetist was fantastic & really calmed me.

Is this her first baby?
I think people say all sorts but don't know how they're really going to feel until they're actually in labour!

To be honest, it sounds like your friend might have an actual phobia rather than just being generally anti-caesarian. I also suspect that if it came to it and she had to make the choice of either losing her baby or having the C-section, she would actually have the C-section rather than deliver a dead child.

I completely understand your feelings about what she said, and of course you are completely right that there are loads of situations where a section would clearly be the right choice - but I definitely think there is something more going on psychologically than just 'I don't want a C-section', so I think this is an issue that has to be between her and her delivery team to resolve and not one for friends to pitch in on - she will have heard all the rational arguments already and I think if you push the issue with her it will just increase her anxiety/distress.

It does sound extreme but I think it is normal to be scared of major surgery. Also you keep hearing that in many countries / hospitals c-sections happen much more often than what would be strictly speaking medically necessarily, and the idea of being asked to consent to something like this while in labour without knowing for sure whether it is needed is pretty terrifying. Having said that I would still consent to it, but would likely keep wondering afterwards whether it was the right decision.

Perhaps she should see a specialist mental health midwife. Someone I know is under one because she is terrified of all birth outcomes - vaginal, c section, whatever. It was when she said she'd only feel safe if basically she could do her own c section that it rang alarm bells!

If a woman was scared of having a natural birth she would have all types of support. It sounds like this person has a fear of having major surgery and that also deserves some support.

I never understood the rush of love people speak about when they fall pregnant. I probably came across as pretty uncaring and selfish when I was pregnant. I even chose a midwife led unit because it was closer and more convenient for me. Even though people said to me it was a risk with my first.

I'd assume she will change her mind when the time comes. People say the most ridiculous things when pregnant! I remember telling my husband to stay up by my head as I didn't want him to see me in such a state down below!! We obviously laugh about that now.

When my friend was in medical crisis and needed a C section it was her husband’s permission they sought as they didn’t think she was competent to decide…

Anyway. Yanbu. I desperately didn’t want a section (and didn’t have one) but I’m not so stupid as to say ‘never’. Let alone boast about that at an nct group. She sounds dumb.

The OP's friend has been dangerously brainwashed into thinking section means failure.

This is a really prevalent attitude in NCT as well as some hospitals in general and was a contributing cause to the Shropshire maternity scandal.

Mum's ruling out csections off hand...please look into the risks of serious tears of vaginal births. Risks of ongoing incontinence and prolapse as a result of vaginal births are not discussed at these groups.

So scare her from 1 type of birth to another?

She needs to learn about the benefits of c sections not just point out the risks of a natural birth! Both are fantastic but carry risks.

The point is patients and medical staff (and NCT) need to be open minded to a range of birth options dependent on the mum and baby's individual situation at the time. Not just saying section bad, vaginal birth good.

There's a lot of damaging material out there these days that convinces women that their bodies are designed for this so therefore nothing can go wrong. Utter rubbish as most sensible people realise.

I never wanted a section. When dc2 was breach the dr suggested I might need a section and I list my mind. I'd be hyperventilating if I had to tell someone. I'd cry regularly thinking about it. I was loopy. It took me a long time to realise that my feelings weren't rational and it was a phobia. I would actually feel sorry for the women who told me about their planned sections and what a lovely experience it was. In my head I'd be think poor thing obvs hasn't really thought about how awful it was and I won't explain it to them in case it tarnished their memory. When dh would ask me about it I couldn't actually get through explaining without breaking down. I did assure him that I'd figure it out if it ever came to it- and then ball and hyperventilate again. But genuinely thought I was the only sensible one.

She's being foolish, but at the same time, maternity services are often not based on real evidence based practices, and it's not uncommon for women to be railroaded into c-sections. Among other things.

As a result a lot of women don't really trust their judgement.

Some of us have given birth both ways and know there are pros and cons to both. Over the years the second degree tear and stitching has bothered me more - although it was expertly done- than the C section.
It sounds as though she is scared of it rather than set against it for some weird reason. Hopefully all will go well for her, either way she delivers.

YANBU My sister had an “elective” CS with DC2. It was elective in so far as it wasn’t an emergency but after suffering a fourth degree tear with DC1 it was the only way DC2 was coming out.

You never know what will happen and I wouldn’t wish what happened to DS on anyone else.

Your friend an idiot.

Don't bother seeing her again, she is an absolute tool.
Many people have these idealised views of childbirth. when they get to it things change and they'll take anything they can get.

She has 2 DC

This. I didn't want one, was all prepped but when they said one try with a ventouse first I pushed with all my might and managed to avoid one. As others have said, just change the conversation, I sincerely doubt she'd let her baby die to avoid a c section. And even if she did, the baby still has to come out somehow.

No. Your body your choice. You can't force an operation on someone in this country thank goodness.

I very much doubt she'd stick to that in an emergency.

I wouldn't have chosen a c section and would have done anything I could to avoid it but when I found myself in an emergency situation, there was no doubt in my mind and my only concern was for my baby. She was fine, and is now longer a baby but a happy, healthy little girl.

I think we all find surprise ourselves when parenting goes from being theoretical to a reality and find we change our minds on a variety of subjects.