New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

OH my god stop being a push over. The neighbours have an aggressive dog, they need to deal with it and get a trainer in to help the dog deal with its behaviours. You stopping your DC going outside is absolutely batshit. Once you start changing your behaviours the next thing it will be what your doing in your home that is now causing the dog an issue. If you cant deal with telling them to bugger off then let your DH deal with them... (cant believe they brought the dog round to show you- their dog is not your issue)

I had a similar thread recently, though I live on my own and the neighbour's dog barks like hell and snarls and spits at me through a gap in the fence when it sees me, just from the sound of me walking in my own garden and watering the plants!

I flipped at them over it and told them it's not acceptable, I'll bang on the fence back if the dog barks at me again. Fortunately now it turns out they are looking to move!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/4585764-law-around-soaking-neighbours-pets

I have a rescue dog and wouldn't dream of going round to my neighbours like that. It would be a me problem, not a you problem. She's being very unreasonable. And she needs to train her dog by the sound of it.

Do they work?

My old neighbours wfh so used the garden all day and when I got home they would take their dog in and we would play outside for a couple of hours.
They’d let their dog out for a wee and call it straight back in so it didn’t bark at us much.

My neighbour has their grandchildren over sometimes and my dogs bark at them for some reason and so if they start barking I bring them in as it’s not fair on the kids else.

I would try and compromise too.

You could say your son will only play basketball between the times of X-X and the neighbour will know to let their dog out just before and then bring them back in.

Yanbu. Neighbour s is. Our neighbour worried our tiny tree which just at the same size as the fence will drop a leaf over their fence and kill their cat...it's a plum tree... husband cut it back to fence which was easy as not very big but made me smile as normally they very good neighbours but v ott re cat. I've seen said cat with mouse in mouth and decided better not to say anything. If your neighbours are worried they need to keep dog in. Your garden your children can play as long as it not 7am in the morning

No way would I stop the kids playing basketball in their garden. Unless they’re playing 24/7 the neighbours can keep the dog in/ go out walking the dog when the kids are playing.
Neighbours haven’t a clue about dogs or kids.

I'm a bit aghast that you're prepared to put the batshittery of new neighbours above the needs of your kids over the summer break, OP!!

Banning basketball or shunting them to the park seems really harsh!

What you're describing in your garden is nothing but normal levels of noise from playing children, honestly.

I am a dog lover myself but I'd say OP's neighbours should train their dog and help him cope with noise better. However, to all the PPs who say that the neighbours should just suck it up, would they also say that if the OP were the parent of a newborn or baby who is having trouble sleeping because the neighbour's kids are playing in the garden and making noise?

It's the dog's behaviour which is out of the ordinary not your teens playing games in your garden.
Whilst you could try to be as amenable and sympathetic to their requests you can hardly not let them enjoy playing games outside.
Your neighbours should take the dog to behaviour classes.

You have stopped your kids playing basket ball so their dog can be at leisure doing what it likes???!!!! Get a grip.

I wouldn't pay attention to her request on the other hand dog aside - Basketball is a very loud sport for teenagers in a garden in a residential area.

I only let DS play sporadically, he is 7 he's on a Basketball team so needs the practice but I'm conscious of the ball thumping so I bring him to the park to practice.

Teenagers/balls/child free neighbours don’t blend well.

Your neighbours need to re-home their dog or themselves.
Our NDN’s kids are intermittently noisy and if I had an animal made nervous by it I’d firmly be of the opinion that this was my problem to sort, not theirs.
Noise late at night, amplified music, cars revving - these are all nuisance noises that would make me want to rampage (the “what people do in their own house is their business” brigade can do one here) but reasonable family noise is part of living in a civilisation, surely.
A ball constantly thudding can become a bit tiresome, though, I think.

You were there first and holidays are not long and they will be back in school. Their dog is the problem and as someone said they need a dog trainer.

If they're dog is that nervous around children just being children why move next door to a family? They should have thought more carefully when choosing a house to move to.

If it was the other way around and the dog was causing distress to your children there would surely have to be a compromise.

@InYerFace They brought their dog round to emotionally manipulate you to give in to their demands. Nobody has to do as they want.

But THEY should do the right thing and properly address their dog's behaviour with a behavioural expert. That'd be the right thing to do for the dog in the long run.

Telling your kids to stop playing as they do does the teenagers and the dog absolutely no favours.

This is the time where you need to be assertive with your next door neighbours. Time to break the cycle.

Stop telling the dog off, and go for the brat instead.

Ask around and give them the details of a good dog trainer locally. Advise that they work with reactive dogs. In other words, its their problem, not yours!

Nope. This woman is being ridiculous. My neighbours dog barks every time I go in the garden too but she has never said anything because, to be frank, it's my neighbours problem to solve not mine...

Ask around and give them the details of a good dog trainer locally. Advise that they work with reactive dogs. In other words, its their problem, not yours!

Seriously?

If you're free go and sit in the sun with a book.

The neighbors need to chill.

Don't make the kids not play because the neighbor doesn't like outside noise for their dog during the day. If it was late at night or middle of the night, they'd be right.

It's sad that their dog is skiddish, they need to work on their dog not make the world quiet. They are completely unreasonable.

Can I swap house with your neighbours? I have rescue dogs and struggle with miserable git neighbours but the reactive dogs are my problem not theirs ,and Kids playing, car noises etc etc are part of everyday life!

I don't think a dog has more right to be in the garden than your children. I don't think you should keep them in. I think the dog owners need to either keep the dog in or train it so it is not so reactive.

As a responsible dog owner, I'd say it's my responsibility to de-sensitise my dog to his environment...not change the environment in order to accommodate the poor dog's anxieties. There's lots of training courses out there for nervous and anxious dogs and it'll benefit your neighbours too as if the dog is less anxious, they will be as well.

But for the sake of good relationships, you've struck a good compromise in limiting some of the boys' activities but please don't stop them from having outdoor fun. Their exercise and mental well being are important!!

The dog will just get more reactive the more they pander to it. Our dog was at Dogs Trust for several years and massively reactive to the mere sight of another dog in the distance when we first got him. He was basically never allowed to look at another dog, so had become a complete asshole. We've taught him distraction techniques on walks, so if another dog is making him anxious he can look away or we can cross the road to put some distance between us. After a few years of this sort of gradual exposure therapy, he's much more relaxed and will even respond postively when certain dogs come over to say hello.

Next door have since got a dog which they've made no effort to train. It barks and growls constantly when it's in the garden, if my dog starts making a racket back, he knows he gets put back in the house. Your neighbour needs to try something similar as they can't control how your family and their other neighbours use their garden. If your kids were constantly chucking balls over the fence and scaring the dog, they may have a point, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

My ndn's have 2 redactive dogs, both of whom will come into my garden now with me. Perhaps your teens could start to get to know the dogs by spending some time with them. That way the dog won't take any notice of them. Start with a treat for the dog