New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

My dog reacts to sound of kids playing and moving near the fence and many other things. I shush him and pat him and sometimes I pick him up so he can see where the sound is coming from and it's ok.

But if my dog hears or sees a ball he starts barking because he thinks it's for him to play. He also barks with excitement.

What will be next? This week stopping the children playing, next week it will be washing flapping on the line that sets him off or mowing yohr lawn; and then they'll be wanting you to not use the garden at all. I'd give them a list of local dog trainers from Google!!

I hate the thud, thud of even muted basketball/ball games and felt like crying when one of my neighbours installed a basketball hoop, but even I think your neighbours are being unreasonable!

I'd suggest that anyone whose teens play ball games in the garden should encourage them to be empathetic for neighbours and not play for hours, but otherwise you don't have to change your behaviour for a dog.

You’re not at fault so don’t stop your kids playing in your garden. If anything, it sounds like they are the nuisance and you have cause for complaint if the dog is constantly barking every time you set foot in your own garden. If you want to foster neighbourly relations you could suggest to the neighbours that your kids won’t play in the garden before a certain time of day - say mid morning, or whatever, to allow the dog a bit of quiet time in their garden, but you need to make it clear that beyond that, they have no right to restrict the normal enjoyment of your garden and that the dog is their responsibility, not yours. I would also have taken issue with them bringing the dog round with them if they didn’t clear it with you first - sounds like it’s a bite risk.

this. I think its a 50 50 thing but I do think that some games are not designed for some gardens!

Suggest they get a trainer who can help desensitise the dog. Jesus poor dog they sound out of their depth

Jesus poor dog they sound out of their depth

Yep this. ☝️

No way would I stop them from playing in the garden for the sake of a dog! Especially as the dog barks but the neighbours aren’t apologising for that!

I will get flamed for this but the dog sounds like a substitute child and they’re being unreasonable.

That's food for thought. I'm sure you're right that some gardens aren't suited for some games. Maybe we just got lucky with our last neighbours and they had a live and let live attitude that other people don't share, for whatever reason.

This!

That's food for thought. I'm sure you're right that some gardens aren't suited for some games. Maybe we just got lucky with our last neighbours and they had a live and let live attitude that other people don't share, for whatever reason.

How long have you lived there OP?

They need to get over it

I used to have a very distressed dog. We had new neighbours move in next door who had very young children who loved to play in the garden. They would be out there all day with balls, trampolines, pogo sticks, paddling pools etc. My dog would react and get very stressed and upset.
This was completely our issue. We paid for a double sided fence to be put in. We took our dog inside if he reacted when the children were outside. We eventually had to move because of it as it wasn't fair on the neighbours' children or our dog.

Why? Toughen up a bit! You're making yourself sound like a right wet lettuce.

If you're neighbours are that arsed they can do that themselves.

I'd have told them my children are playing out in the summer holidays, they aren't being overly noisy so if your mutt doesn't like it, take the damn thing in!!!

We've been here for eight years. The neighbours before the dog-owning couple lived there for 20 but moved to live closer to one of their daughters. Hopefully it wasn't us driving them out with excessive child-related noise, but I doubt it as their grandkids used to play with ours and they didn't seem to mind!

She is being so unreasonable. Your children have every right to enjoy playing in their garden.
There's a fine line between maintaining neighbourly relations and a neighbour taking the absolute p.

They have chosen to take on a dog with issues… I think I read this is it’s 3rd re-homing? That is a dog that needs a lot of training by experienced owners. Bringing a nervous dog to your door when it was snapping and snarling shows they are not very responsible.
Your kids are not being unreasonable. They should be able to play in their own garden. It’s not their fault next door chose a nervous dog. If a ball goes over you can deal with it then, but to be honest, that is life! The whole neighbourhood cannot revolve around this dog! Tell your neighbours you appreciate the issue, but you aren’t going to keep your kids indoors all summer to appease the dog.

Tell them your son is sensitive about dogs. And he’s afraid it will get through and bite him. Will she consider bringing the dog inside every time your son decides to play in the garden and dog is there?

Honestly, they are being ridiculous. There is no way I would compromise on my teens enjoying their garden in this scenario. And if not be setting them the example that batshit neighbours get their own way…

OP….YOU were not upsetting the dog. You have no responsibility for it when it’s just out in its own garden. The neighbour, aware of its issues, let it out and allowed it to get distressed. Do t be tricked into thinking someone else’s dog is your problem. Yes, be considerate, but that does not extend to completely banning your kids from playing a sport they love.

FFS - your DC are acting perfectly normally. Your neighbours are batshit.

We got a lockdown puppy, a few moths later new neighhbours moved in next door and when their kids went out to play - football, trampoline - our puppy barked like mad.

Our neighbours found it annoying. We had a chat. We have trained our dog not to bark 90% of the time and we have solutions in place. We both acknowledge that some things spook dogs, she's a young dog and she'll bark occasionally, that's fine.

At NO POINT to the above scenario did I ask my neighbour's children to stay inside as my dog reacted to them. What a sense of entitlement they have. It really pisses me off.

What I would do is look up local dog behaviourists. If they come around again, give her this list.

Do not keep your DC inside because of your batshit neighbours' entitlement

I haven't read all the replies, but can you ask them what time the dog is usually out in the garden? Maybe there is some kind of compromise to be reached here. Like if you know the dog is out 7am-8am and 5pm-6pm, maybe you could agree to avoid noise during those times or something.

if the dog is out all day, every day, then it can't be helped, but your kids have a right to pay outside.

Are you meant to tiptoe around your garden indefinitely now? Forget that, they should have bought a house with no neighbours if the dog is that sensitive to noise.

i dont think you should put your new neighbours bizarre demands over their mental dog, over your own family being able to use your garden in the school holidays to play normal games.
If their dog cant handle the sound of kids playing, then they should have considered that when choosing where to move.

The dog seems to have the run of the garden at all times, but that could be because it's warm at the moment so they've always got the back door open. They both work from home so no need to close their back door, I'm guessing.

We had a family dog years ago who used react when the kids next door played football. So we acted like normal people and brought her in when she started barking.
Please don't stop your kids playing in their own garden. If they come around again suggest they find a dog trainer who could help them.