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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe my DH is ill?

110 replies

Toes89 · 01/08/2022 07:48

I was puking my guts out last week. DH is sympathetic to a point. He took the kids off my hands for a day

Anyway the puking stopped but I kept feeling really ropey all weekend. Chest pains. Exhausted. Hot and cold Find a covid test and yep....two very strong lines.

This morning have weird tingling all over my feet. Feel bloody awful to be honest. I'm vaccinated.

Anyway DH has now been testing too and is negative. But he's in bed right now because he feels unwell. But he doesn't seem to have any symptoms of anything. He just said he feels "groggy". He then said "you know maybe I missed a faint line on the test, I really feel I must have it"

I just quite know how im up with the kids and he's in bed. I sound like such a bitch doubting him as he does say he feels rubbish but he can't describe an actual symptoms

I just don't believe him in my gut. I think perhaps he's not even lying. It's psychological. But he does seem to have something in him that can't just look after me.

Aibu to not believe him?

OP posts:
Allmarbleslost · 01/08/2022 07:50

Yanbu. Even if he is ill you need to be taking it in turns to look after the dc. Go and tell him it's his turn now.

PurBal · 01/08/2022 07:50

Whether he’s ill or not, it’s not a pass to get out of parenting especially as you’re both sick.

Hbh17 · 01/08/2022 07:53

Stop testing & both just get on with normal life!

PrionOn · 01/08/2022 07:53

Does he have form? My ex was awful for this.

That said, I felt rubbish for four days before I finally tested positive for covid.

Either way, if you’re still feeling rotten, you need to take it in turns. Hope you feel better soon.

user1469032438 · 01/08/2022 07:54

When I had covid last week I felt grim on Tuesday and Wednesday, I had a terrible headache but other than that just undefined grim but I didn't get a positive test till late Wednesday evening.

But as PP said he doesn't just get to bow out of parenting because now he's ill too, me and DH both had it at the same time and we were both up helping each other and took it in turns for an afternoon nap.

Tell him you are both ill and he needs to help.

Original poster
Toes89 · 01/08/2022 07:56

@Hbh17 did you read my post? Fever? Puking my guts out? Can't get on with normal life right now whether I'd tested or not.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 01/08/2022 07:58

YABU to think he’s not ill at all.
You had covid last week and were recovering this weekend. So you’re not sick anymore. What care do you need now?

It is highly likely he has covid now and just not yet testing positive. Or he could have caught something other than covid.

If you have zero trust in your DH such that you can’t even believe him when he says he is sick, the relationship is over.

Vikinga · 01/08/2022 08:00

Whether he feels groggy or not, you are much more ill so he should be the one looking after the kids.

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:00

Toes89 · 01/08/2022 07:56

@Hbh17 did you read my post? Fever? Puking my guts out? Can't get on with normal life right now whether I'd tested or not.

All you have now is “tingling all over your feet”
🙄

turquoise1988 · 01/08/2022 08:00

@Discovereads I wish people would read the OP.

She says she still feels awful!

I'd quit playing a competition of who feels more poorly and have a conversation with DH about both needing to chip in with the children. Take it in shifts and sleep when you can.

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:02

turquoise1988 · 01/08/2022 08:00

@Discovereads I wish people would read the OP.

She says she still feels awful!

I'd quit playing a competition of who feels more poorly and have a conversation with DH about both needing to chip in with the children. Take it in shifts and sleep when you can.

She said all she has is “tingling all over my feet”
She felt “ropey” and had “hot and cold” and “exhausted” this past weekend.

Tingling feet isn’t really hitting the bar of “feeling awful” for me as I cannot imagine calling in sick off work “because my feet are tingling”

HannahSternDefoe · 01/08/2022 08:05

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:00

All you have now is “tingling all over your feet”
🙄

Show quote history

OP said This morning have weird tingling all over my feet. Feel bloody awful to be honest.

So, NO, she doesn't just have tingling feet.

Why do people do "selective reading" on here?

turquoise1988 · 01/08/2022 08:05

@Discovereads Are we reading the same OP?!

It says,

"This morning have weird tingling all over my feet. Feel bloody awful to be honest. I'm vaccinated."

Feel bloody awful to be honest. Present tense.
Whether you think 'tingling feet' constitutes the OP feeling awful is irrelevant 😂.

#onlyonMumsnet

luxxlisbon · 01/08/2022 08:08

Groggy is exactly how I started doing it covid, followed by a fever and vomiting about 2/3 days later. All 3 of us had it with different symptoms.
I know loads of people who didn’t have the exact same experience as their spouse.
Your husband says feels ill, imagine if he said he didn’t believe you felt bad! You both need to figure out a way to juggle the kids and recover.

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:10

Fine, they both feel awful. But that doesn’t mean her DH isn’t ill too.
Shes being a bit of a hypocrite by saying it’s because he can’t say what his symptoms are, well neither can she if all she can come up with is tingling feet to support “feeling awful”.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 01/08/2022 08:13

You're both parents, both ill, both have to take turns. Just tell him when it's his shift and he has to take over as you need a break.

Staynow · 01/08/2022 08:14

Just because she had covid last week and was recovering at the weekend doesn't mean she must be over it now! I'm still coughing my guts up on day 8. She said she feels bloody awful. The relationship also isn't over just because she thinks her OH doesn't have covid and is exaggerating how bad he's feeling - that's just a bizarre suggestion.

Tell him that as you both feel rubbish you'll need to take it in turns to look after the kids and decide between you how to split the time out.

Original poster
Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:16

@Discovereads I just added the tingling feet as a new weird symptom that I've got this morning. All the other stuff of chest pain, exhaustion, headache still there.

OP posts:
Mamansparkles · 01/08/2022 08:18

I was unwell with covid for 4 days before testing positive and apparently that is common.
Your DH probably is ill but so are you so you need to share childcare shifts.

Samarie123 · 01/08/2022 08:20

YABU for not believing him. But YANBU for thinking he should help out as you aren't feeling great too. I would call a doctor if you have chest pains.

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:20

The relationship also isn't over just because she thinks her OH doesn't have covid and is exaggerating how bad he's feeling

Thats not what OP said though, that she believes he is ill but exaggerating or that he is ill but not with Covid. She said she doesn’t believe he is ill full stop.

AIBU To not believe my DH is ill?
I sound like such a bitch doubting him as he does say he feels rubbish but he can't describe an actual symptoms
I just don't believe him in my gut
Aibu to not believe him?

And frankly, yes if you can’t even trust your OH to be ill when they say they are, if you can’t even trust them on that, the relationship is over imho.

Original poster
Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:20

It just annoyed me when he said "perhaps there was a faint line" and then said he felt "groggy" and stayed in bed.

I will tell him we need to take it in turns.

It just feels mad that he's in bed when he "can't quite place what he's feeling" and I feel like shit and yet I'm doing the kids breakfast

OP posts:
ancientgran · 01/08/2022 08:22

turquoise1988 · 01/08/2022 08:00

@Discovereads I wish people would read the OP.

She says she still feels awful!

I'd quit playing a competition of who feels more poorly and have a conversation with DH about both needing to chip in with the children. Take it in shifts and sleep when you can.

That's a bit grown up isn't it.

Discovereads · 01/08/2022 08:22

Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:16

@Discovereads I just added the tingling feet as a new weird symptom that I've got this morning. All the other stuff of chest pain, exhaustion, headache still there.

Ok. So go on with your day under the premise you are both ill and work out how to take turns with the kids.

BellePeppa · 01/08/2022 08:22

When I had Covid I tested positive with a hospital test but negative with a home test (on the same day!). I’ve no idea if your husband is faking or not but a negative home test doesn’t really mean anything.