Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe my DH is ill?

110 replies

Toes89 · 01/08/2022 07:48

I was puking my guts out last week. DH is sympathetic to a point. He took the kids off my hands for a day

Anyway the puking stopped but I kept feeling really ropey all weekend. Chest pains. Exhausted. Hot and cold Find a covid test and yep....two very strong lines.

This morning have weird tingling all over my feet. Feel bloody awful to be honest. I'm vaccinated.

Anyway DH has now been testing too and is negative. But he's in bed right now because he feels unwell. But he doesn't seem to have any symptoms of anything. He just said he feels "groggy". He then said "you know maybe I missed a faint line on the test, I really feel I must have it"

I just quite know how im up with the kids and he's in bed. I sound like such a bitch doubting him as he does say he feels rubbish but he can't describe an actual symptoms

I just don't believe him in my gut. I think perhaps he's not even lying. It's psychological. But he does seem to have something in him that can't just look after me.

Aibu to not believe him?

OP posts:
ancientgran · 01/08/2022 08:23

Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:20

It just annoyed me when he said "perhaps there was a faint line" and then said he felt "groggy" and stayed in bed.

I will tell him we need to take it in turns.

It just feels mad that he's in bed when he "can't quite place what he's feeling" and I feel like shit and yet I'm doing the kids breakfast

I had 3 negative LFTs before I went and got a positive PCR. I was pretty sure I had it but for some reason I just kept getting negatives so he could have it.

KangFang · 01/08/2022 08:25

Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom?

Original poster
Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:30

@KangFang I was downstairs with the toddler and the baby was upstairs in his cot crying. I went upstairs to get baby. (DH is in the bedroom next door to baby). DH is lying in the dark in a dressing gown groaning. I swear the groaning only started when I got halfway up the stairs

OP posts:
WilsonandNoodles · 01/08/2022 08:32

Maybe he just isn't as good at describing his symptoms as you. A test doesn't mean anything. He quite likely is at the start of Covid and will test positive in a couple of days. Just take it in turns with be the kids, 3 hours on childcare, 3 locked in the bedroom.

KatVonlabonk · 01/08/2022 08:33

My DH ALWAYS has to out ill me. It's a weird thing.

Limecoconutice · 01/08/2022 08:33

This isn't really about whether he has Covid though is it? Op you say there is something in him that means he can never look after you; can you expand? I mean, we don't expect blokes to look after us generally nowadays do we? So do you mean he does this every time you are ill? Does he look after the DC when they are ill for example? Does he step up generally and take on half of the housework (assuming you both work)? Does he take the initiative in life or are you the one carrying the mental load?

knittingaddict · 01/08/2022 08:37

Hbh17 · 01/08/2022 07:53

Stop testing & both just get on with normal life!

Oh look, we have a covid denier in our midst.

The op is actually ill, irrespective of test results. The husband is not ill, which is confirmed by his test results. Take away any tests and the op is still ill.

Isittimef0rbedyet · 01/08/2022 08:37

I felt my worst with covid before I tested positive.

11am suddenly felt awful. Tested at 1pm - negative.
Went to bed at 8pm still testing negative.
11.30pm couldnt sleep with the pain so tested again and it was positive.

MouseRoar · 01/08/2022 08:38

he does seem to have something in him that can't just look after me. This is the important bit. And it would really piss me off too. * *

Saracen · 01/08/2022 08:40

Quite likely he IS ill. So are you. He should be taking turns with you to look after the kids.

knittingaddict · 01/08/2022 08:43

I don't understand this "take turns looking after the children".

Surely the least sick person looks after the children until that situation changes. At the moment the one who is feeling a bit "groggy" with no discernable symptoms is the least ill. That's the husband. If/when he gets more ill and the op feels better, then they can swop over.

luxxlisbon · 01/08/2022 08:51

@knittingaddict The op is actually ill, irrespective of test results. The husband is not ill, which is confirmed by his test results. Take away any tests and the op is still ill.

OP has been I’ll all week, it is highly probable that the man living with her and presumably sharing a bed is also now ill. Why would you even assume otherwise when he says he feels unwell?

If Op was posting that she felt unwell and her husband didn’t believe her people would hit the roof.

QuizzlyBears · 01/08/2022 08:52

YABU for using the term ‘puking my guts out.’ Gross.

Maybe just have a sensible conversation with him? Whether or not you believe it is largely irrelevant, he says he feels unwell and you also feel unwell, so between you you need to come up with a childcare plan until you both feel better.

User000111 · 01/08/2022 08:52

My hubby is terrible for this. When I had morning sickness he started to complain of feeling nauseas (something I've never heard him say in 10 years). Then when my back was sore in late pregnancy he suddenly had a sore back too.
I'm not sure he even does it on purpose but he can be an attention seeker if he feels like the attention isn't on him, he seems to find it hard to give me extra care and attention when I need it x

butterflied · 01/08/2022 08:53

YABU to not believe him, yes. You're both ill. You both need to deal with the children.

Danoo · 01/08/2022 08:58

I bet he subconsciously feels it's his turn to clock off and take a day.

Not sure what you can do @Toes89 just lie down on the sofa and hopefully your kids aren't too young.

Original poster
Toes89 · 01/08/2022 08:58

I realise I do sound horrible saying I don't quite believe him. My gut just tells me he is talking out of his arse if I'm honest.

I think he likes being mothered quite a lot generally. And I really try to resist that. I often say to him "You can find it yourself" "Why don't you give them a call and find out" or "You can find it online I think" to try and stop him getting me to be his secretary. So when he's lying around in a dressing gown groaning and asking me to get him water, when he doesn't "quite know what's up", and I feel like shit warmed up and 100% have covid - it probably sparks me in something.

Also just quickly on the covid front. this is my first time having it. what a weird thing. skin feels so warm and itchy. and the skin all round my mouth has gone red dry and flaky. so gross. and when i was singing to my baby last night, i kept having to catch my breath. I thought it would be far more mild if i'm honest, i'm thirties, no health problems, vaccinnaited. also - the puking and not being able to eat.

URGH. Meant to be going for an interview for work this week.

I see consensus here though that i need to just buck up my ideas and be supportive of DH and not being so sceptical!

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 01/08/2022 09:00

I think when one of you is ill, its reasonable to expect the other to pick up the slack....HOWEVER when you're both ill (assuming he is ill) you literally just need to club together and do the best you can to keep the kids alive until you're both on the mend - him disappearing off to bed and leaving you too it is really shit and unsupportive. Why is it some men forget that the children are their children too???

sdfsdipf9ue · 01/08/2022 09:02

He probably is ill, but is also probably making a meal of it.

Accept that you are both ill, and as PP say, work out how to take it in turns to look after the children.

And stop testing for Covid! Whether or not you have Covid makes no difference to how ill you feel. Covid is still being used as either a get-out ("I've had a positive test, so I can't do all the things I don't fancy doing") or a reason to tell people who are ill that they can't really be ill at all ("You've tested negative for Covid, the only illness ever invented, so there's nothing wrong with you").

DelorisVC · 01/08/2022 09:02

I’ve had Covid twice this year and both times I was feeling better before testing positive.
If he’s had the dc while you’ve been ill it seems fair to take it in turns while he is ill.
This has happened in my house and we’ve just put films on and swapped in and out.
I don’t know if yabu to doubt him though, I’d be seriously pissed off if my DP felt the same way about me.

roarfeckingroarr · 01/08/2022 09:04

Covid is a red herring here.

He's a bit groggy and you're very unwell. Why TF is he in bed? I have one that tends to catch whatever I have v quickly and then act like he has it a lot worse. It's a reason I'm a long list I'll leave at some point.

DelorisVC · 01/08/2022 09:05

Ah just seen that you’ve got a baby.
Films probably won’t work then.
I hope you both feel better soon.
Its shit when you’re both feeling ill.

diddl · 01/08/2022 09:08

DH is sympathetic to a point. He took the kids off my hands for a day

Was he having to work?

If not, why only a day?

What does "sympathetic to a point" mean?

I mean I never really know what to say to my husband when he's ill.

I tend to leave him alone to sleep, keep the kids away & offer food & drink.

I consider that the basics tbh.

catandcoffee · 01/08/2022 09:11

OP ignore all the martyrs on here and concentrate on your own health.
You know your other half and if you feel he's taking the piss, don't doubt yourself.

Don't ' mother him ' he's an adult.

Lalliella · 01/08/2022 09:16

Hbh17 · 01/08/2022 07:53

Stop testing & both just get on with normal life!

How is that remotely helpful? Can you not read? OP is ill, DH not so much.