To not believe my DH is ill?

[Toes89]

I was puking my guts out last week. DH is sympathetic to a point. He took the kids off my hands for a day

Anyway the puking stopped but I kept feeling really ropey all weekend. Chest pains. Exhausted. Hot and cold Find a covid test and yep....two very strong lines.

This morning have weird tingling all over my feet. Feel bloody awful to be honest. I'm vaccinated.

Anyway DH has now been testing too and is negative. But he's in bed right now because he feels unwell. But he doesn't seem to have any symptoms of anything. He just said he feels "groggy". He then said "you know maybe I missed a faint line on the test, I really feel I must have it"

I just quite know how im up with the kids and he's in bed. I sound like such a bitch doubting him as he does say he feels rubbish but he can't describe an actual symptoms

I just don't believe him in my gut. I think perhaps he's not even lying. It's psychological. But he does seem to have something in him that can't just look after me.

Aibu to not believe him?

Fucking hell just when I think I’ve heard it all another prick trumps them!!! So you ACTUALLY have covid and are up looking after the kids and your OH doesn’t and has taken to his bed? Unbelievable!!

Often when (some!) men feel ill they go to bed and ignore everyone else in the household, women don’t do this as they force themselves up to prioritise children’s needs - those men see this as ‘clearly she’s not that ill or she wouldn’t do it’.

Lie down and say “I’m done in, it’s your turn for a bit” then if he does turn out to be ill at least you’ve been fair.

DH and DS1 tested positive Thursday, DS2 tested positive Friday. I had same symptoms but didn’t test positive till the Sunday. I still cooked, walked dog in the meantime and slept downstairs to try avoiding catching it. On the Saturday my DH said why don’t you go to bed you look awful. I did and stayed there. They got takeaway pizza that night and the next. You can’t stop being a parent even when you are ill, it’s a crap situation, but you do what you can and take turns if you are both ill at the same time.

You might be being unreasonable - a lot of people are finding their covid tests take a few days of symptoms to pick up, I'd encourage him to test again; I had symptoms for 3 days before I got a + test. Some friends have had a situation where someone in household has had exactly the same symptoms as someone in the house with it or who has just had it, and never tested positive.

DH wouldn't have noticed his own symptoms (he had it before me) other than feeling unusually 'groggy' after a bike ride, when he tested.

@sdfsdipf9ue "Stop testing for covid"

I have to show a negative test before I can go back into my work.

Ugh. I get you. YANBU. I had one of those, infuriating. Wait til he tells you he has it worse and you can't possibly understand how he feels.

Yeah - it's less about the negative test I think. If one my friends felt rubbish but had a negative test I wouldn't doubt them for a second. It's more about his behaviour and attitude. He doesn't ask how I'm feeling at all. Just sitting on the sofa watching telly asking me to get him stuff and then saying "ohhhh this does feel bad doesnt it?" but I just don't believe him. Either I'm horrible or he's lying but either way it doesn't reflect well us as couple. Just whenever I'm feeling bad, it somehow becomes about him. For example I swear I spent more time talking to him about what to do if he feels faint during childbirth and him worrying about that than anything else!

Whether he's poorly or not - you are not well. So he still needs to be helping out and it can't all be left to you.
I know what you mean about doubting him. Who knows if he's telling the truth or not. But it doesn't mean he gets out of parenting duties and it's all left to you when you're feeling so unwell and you have covid.

Of course he is ill! He has man-flu don't you know!! It is far, far, far worse than any ailments women can get.

Maybe he does have something, maybe he will test positive in a few days. You'll know soon enough. Either way, you are still not recovered. Childcare needs to be shared and turns taken. He certainly doesn't sound so ill that he gets to duck out of being a parent.

Why did he only take the kids off your hands for one day last week?

You sound so dreadfully unwell and he dounds like he simply can't be arsed looking after his children so is exaggerating how he feels.

How unbelievably selfish.

Do not accept this OP.

Doing too much when you are so unwell will drag this out and exacerbate the whole illness.

You need rest.

You don't believe him because he is generally lazy.

Only women with lazy husbands suspect this.

Women with husbands who do their share aren't suspicious IMO.

Stop putting up with this.

I would get the complete Ick for a man so selfish when you are so unwell.

Covid finds the weakest part of you symptoms wise.

My chest was in bits.
My husbands throat (always an issue) was so sore he simply couldn't eat and was on liquids for 8 days.

Get him up.
I really hope you feel better soon.

Ick.

He sounds SO unattractive.

Sort your contraception out....

You're not horrible. Sounds exactly like my ex. In fact, when i was pregnant he threw a hissy fit because only my name was on the scan, and it was both of our baby. Nevermind it was a picture of the inside of my body. He then mysteriously developed anxiety so bad he went to A&E several times with chest pains. My pregnancy became all about his anxiety which of course i had to support him through and after I had her he said he couldn't possibly go through it again.

All made worse by the fact that when I'd experienced a period of anxiety a few years earlier he'd told me that mental health conditions are made up by people who want attention and refused to support me in any way.

It's exhausting and infuriating to live with someone like that and you end up doubting and/or resenting every niggle and sniffle. I feel for you xx

My ex was like that, not the ex part! The noteable one with him was when I said I felt a bit faint after a colposcopy and he said "yeah I don't feel great either I'll go to bed when we get home you can look after the kids" that would be the 2 year old twins!

My sympathy, we've all tested positive in the past week, I was last and I feel like I've been run over by a bus! (For those who say don't test, we needed to test as I'm extremely vulnerable and now I have it I needed the positive test to be prescribed antivirals, but of course we're the people who should be locked away from life)

I remember being off work for a couple of days with flu a few years ago. It really knocked me out and I couldn't get out of bed. I got up on the second evening still feeling quite weak but planning to go back to work the following day. There wasn't much food in the house so I asked DH if he could pop out and get some soup and a loaf. He announced he felt unwell and thought he had caught what I had and promptly got into bed. Fair enough I thought and went out to the shop myself. Got home expecting to find a poorly DH but actually found him happily sitting in the living room, watching football and munching crisps. I was fuming but he claims he genuinely felt ill and must have had a 'touch' of what I had had for as long as it took me to go to the shop myself.

my ex was like this. And it’s one of the reasons he’s an ex. I was never allowed to be ill. Every single time he ‘get’ it too, and worse. He’d take to his bed for days because he was so ill and I’d not only have to try to recover but also pick up the slack.

take him some paracetamol ( had he taken any) and tell him it’s his shift next, and when hos shift comes go to bed. Don’t Martyr yourself, when you are clearly ill too.

He might be feeling really rough, who knows, but you are as well and so he doesn't get to take himself off and expecting you to do things for him.
You both need to try to sort the children out together. Whether that's taking it in turns or whatever else would work for you, he needs to pitch in too.

Its a man thing... they always have it worse than we do don't they?!!
I had norovirus, both ends exploding, fainted on the bathroom floor, kids had it too. I was only allowed to be ill for 6 hours then hubby starts throwing up....he's out of action for 2 days!!
We had covid, as did all the kids, again, I was only allowed to lay in bed for a few hours as he felt too unwell to look after the kids (but could continue building his workshop?!!).
Now he's having to deal with the house and kids as I'm currently I'm hospital having been rushed in early Saturday morning with a gallbladder attack....to give him his due, he's taken on the challenge and has managed (under my direction) to prepare proper meals and get little one to nursery and take the dog to the vet! He's even been awarded a gold star as he has managed to get little one to bed (he's was still being breastfed but obviously can't do that at the moment and he won't drink milk) and put on a load of washing!
Tell him to get up and get on with it....we have too!
Men huh! 🤣
Hope you feel better soon. X

I’m with you OP. I can’t stand when people can’t describe their symptoms, I become very suspicious and think that they are trying to avoid doing something. It’s like when they are saying that they’ve got a headache you can tell them to take ibuprofen/ paracetamol etc ( and then you expect them to get on with life of course) Whereas when they are saying “I’ve got this strange feeling in my head. It’s not like my usual head. It’s not me at all etc” you can’t tell them to take ibuprofen. What kind of advice you can give them if they are feeling just strange??? My Mum does this- she actually means that now when she’s 83 she doesn’t feel like when she was 43. DH doesn’t do this because I usually refuse to engage and demand him to go to GP or A&E straight away.
It doesn’t meant that I expect people to know the exact diagnosis, not at all, but they should be able to describe symptoms unless they are children or have LD.
Also I don’t think that parents have luxury to go to bed whenever they are feeling strange. They have parental responsibilities.

Chances are he is incubating Covid and is genuinely feeling unwell - I hate that now unless you have your lines you aren't allowed to be sick.

However you do need to take turns looking after the DC. How was he at the weekend- did he do much for DCs then ?

Do you go through your life thinking that 'puking' (para 1, para 2 of OP) is normal?

How very unpleasant.

But what's he like when neither of you are unwell op?
Does he do his fair share?

If he hasn't got a temp or isn't being sick, then he takes over

Just feeling off-colour isn't really enough of an excuse to leave it all to you

OK this exchange has just done me in.

I'm holding the baby. I Started coughing a little and it turns into a hacking cough. Go to the sink and feel might be sick poss. DH is on sofa in dressing gown looking at his phone. He starts doing a weird little clearing of his throat noise when I'm hacking away

Then when I stop coughing he shouts from sofa "you alright?". Then a minute later he shouts "can you bring me a coke?"

And then a second later "did you hear me?"
I bring the coke into him. He must see the look on my face is thunder and he says

"You know what I'm starting to feel a little better"..

He's fucking lying. I know he is.

And no he doesn't do anything round the house @Limecoconutice

@billy1966 you said covid gets you where you're weakest...think might be finally exposing our relationship if I'm honest.

Hand him the baby. Go to bed. Don’t say anything.

Covid is awful! The exhaustion is horrible.

How long since you tested positive/ had symptoms? If you’re still feeling breathless after a week then I’d speak to 111.

What a selfish waster.

OP, get well and have a look at your choices.

You deserve better that this.

Why are you bringing him a coke.

Help yourself here.

Only a skivvy would do that.