Page 6 | To cut my parent off for this?

Whattodo74639 · 2022-07-31T18:15:10+00:00

My grandparent died a couple of months ago, my parent is the executor of the will, I am an only child. I was always told that I had a set amount of inheritance to come from grandparent once they died. After the funeral and everything, we then set about sorting out the inheritance and everything else but it’s been one excuse after the other as to why I haven’t yet received my share. The first excuse was waiting for the bank account to be closed and then the remaining money released, they said it should have taken 7-10 days or something like that. After this time frame, the excuse then changed to actually I wasn’t left any inheritance, it’s just money that my parent is choosing to ‘gift’ me. I haven’t been able to access the will, as parent won’t allow me to see it, to see what is true and what is not. My parent knows that I struggle at times financially through no fault of my own and knows that if I do have a share in this, that it will help me significantly, and they are now ignoring every request I put to them whilst off spending hundreds of pounds on themselves (they tell me so). I have pretty much accepted I’m not going to get any of this money, as I doubt there is now much left, so my AIBU is AIBU to cut parent off for this for being a selfish arsehole?! They did a similar thing when my other grandparent died and kept money from the rest of the family, so I don’t know why I’m too surprised to be honest!

FictionalCharacter · 01/08/2022 02:14

User57327259 · 01/08/2022 01:10

I feel for your poor father in this. He has just lost his parent, possibly his last parent and now he has a daughter who is nagging constantly about her inheritance which she may not be entitled to as per the Will not naming her as a beneficiary. I can see how someone would say the Will leaves everything to the son/dad and in his grief all he hears is I want money! Probably all the asking for money is why he is blocking you seeing the Will and not handing over any money.

This doesn’t make sense. If he was fed up with her asking for money and the will doesn’t actually leave her anything, surely he’d just show her the will to shut her up.

He doesn’t sound that grief stricken if he’s already busy spending his inheritance on sports gear. When my father died it took a while to sort out his small estate (just a bit of money) and a spending spree was the last thing on my mind.

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 01/08/2022 02:38

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/08/2022 02:10

So noting about how much you loved them or miss them, or how they died.

Just

why I haven’t yet received my share.

You sound like a charm.

Oh do piss off dear.
The OP isn't here to perform grief for your entertainment, she is here for advice and your comment makes you sound quite snarky

ThinWomansBrain · 01/08/2022 03:00

As several PPs have stated, you come across as v focussed on GPs money, and grabby. Probate can take a while to sort out - I don't recall the details, but with my DFs estate probate held up the sale of the house.
In your DF's place I'd be delighted to be "cut off".

daisychain01 · 01/08/2022 04:28

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/08/2022 00:22

It’s not really about the money it’s the deceit and the obvious power parent is enjoying having over the OP. Pretty disgusting behaviour, so please let us stop imagining they are grieving their own parent while blowing money on pointless shit.

I 100% agree.

I feel for the OP and the betrayal they must be feeling that their parents don't 'have their back'.

all the assumptions about the "grieving":being done, we have absolutely no way of knowing the parents are grieving,
.
For all we know they couldn't wait to see the back of their father and happily squandering the £000's in the bank while meanwhile knowing their daughter is struggling and spinning all sorts of false hope for the fun of it.

Inheritances and the often ghastly behaviour that goes with the sudden influx of unearned cash, is the main reason I've severed ties with numerous family situations in the hope that nothing is coming my way, I can't bear seeing people treating each other so appallingly. But then I have the luxury of having earned enough not to be beholden to anyone thank god.

Givemethereins · 01/08/2022 05:48

ThinWomansBrain · 01/08/2022 03:00

As several PPs have stated, you come across as v focussed on GPs money, and grabby. Probate can take a while to sort out - I don't recall the details, but with my DFs estate probate held up the sale of the house.
In your DF's place I'd be delighted to be "cut off".

Wow. What's going on with people that they ignore the details in the post and are just hell bent on judging the op so rudely! Maybe turn that mirror inwards abit?

She has clearly stated the reasons she is upset is that they are intentionally keeping her out of the loop. Goingbout of their way NOT to provide clarity or any information.

That the parents have precedence for this. -Have actually done the same thing previously!

And that she and her children, aka grandchildren, are suffering quite profoundly from lack of money and yet they don't seem to give 2 shits.
Even if she was not in the will, they could show her this and explain this.

And yeah it's their choice to spend thousands on sports stuff but that choice says a huge lot about them doesn't it!?

So it sounds like yes She bloody well should cut these narcissistic parents out of her life.

Meredusoleil · 01/08/2022 05:50

Givemethereins · 01/08/2022 05:48

Wow. What's going on with people that they ignore the details in the post and are just hell bent on judging the op so rudely! Maybe turn that mirror inwards abit?

She has clearly stated the reasons she is upset is that they are intentionally keeping her out of the loop. Goingbout of their way NOT to provide clarity or any information.

That the parents have precedence for this. -Have actually done the same thing previously!

And that she and her children, aka grandchildren, are suffering quite profoundly from lack of money and yet they don't seem to give 2 shits.
Even if she was not in the will, they could show her this and explain this.

And yeah it's their choice to spend thousands on sports stuff but that choice says a huge lot about them doesn't it!?

So it sounds like yes She bloody well should cut these narcissistic parents out of her life.

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Well said 👏

lurker69 · 01/08/2022 06:50

im 99% you posted about this a few days ago? if it was you, what have you done since then as lots of people have given you advice. In my experience anyone who is getting anything from a will gets a letter from the solicitor detailing the will and what you would be due to receive, if you have not had that by now you are probably not getting anything. Its shit, i would be annoyed too if i thought i was getting something nice and it was just snatched away, it's very unfair of your parents to do that. You can't just let it eat away at you though.

Herejustforthisone · 01/08/2022 08:02

If you are disabled, can’t work, yet chose to have a child anyway is it possible that they are now holding this against you?

You just couldn’t quite resist this dig could you @JosephineGH ?

This thread is fairly awful. I’m sorry OP. Your dad sounds like a cunt.

Lunaduckdrop · 01/08/2022 08:29

Ask your father for sight of the will to establish whether you are in it or not. Wills take months to sort out not days, so the likelihood is that your father has access to the bank account(s) anyway. As your grandparent has been in care, much money will have been used up for this so there may not be too much left. I think you are likely to be disappointed inheritance-wise. You need to decide whether you want a relationship with your father by considering the way he has treated you and your child in recent years, not just in regard to this matter.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 01/08/2022 10:03

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 01/08/2022 02:38

Oh do piss off dear.
The OP isn't here to perform grief for your entertainment, she is here for advice and your comment makes you sound quite snarky

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I think the OP sounds quite snarky.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/08/2022 13:23

User57327259 · 01/08/2022 01:10

I feel for your poor father in this. He has just lost his parent, possibly his last parent and now he has a daughter who is nagging constantly about her inheritance which she may not be entitled to as per the Will not naming her as a beneficiary. I can see how someone would say the Will leaves everything to the son/dad and in his grief all he hears is I want money! Probably all the asking for money is why he is blocking you seeing the Will and not handing over any money.

Well yes, we all grieve in different ways, I just don’t recall going out spending your inheritance on pointless shit, being smug and lying being one of the seven stages of grief. Maybe I missed something…

mrsmootoo · 01/08/2022 13:39

I think you can see wills online once probate is completed - it's a gov.uk site if you search 'probate'. Could you contact the solicitors?

VanGoghsDog · 01/08/2022 21:24

lurker69 · 01/08/2022 06:50

im 99% you posted about this a few days ago? if it was you, what have you done since then as lots of people have given you advice. In my experience anyone who is getting anything from a will gets a letter from the solicitor detailing the will and what you would be due to receive, if you have not had that by now you are probably not getting anything. Its shit, i would be annoyed too if i thought i was getting something nice and it was just snatched away, it's very unfair of your parents to do that. You can't just let it eat away at you though.

Not everyone uses a solicitor to deal with a will, I never have. So no, there might not be a letter from a solicitor at any point.

RealityTV · 10/08/2022 14:03

@Whattodo74639 , if your grandparents died and there was a will, then the will had to be formalized for it to be legal. You don't say where you live, so I can't give you exact details about what to do, but you can order a copy of your grandparent's will directly from the district probate registry if you are in England. If you are in the United States, you would go to the registry of wills. You can also go to the probate court in the United States. If you are outside of these countries, you need to find out the registering authority for wills. If your parent accessed your grandparent's bank accounts WITHOUT going through probate, they have possibly committed a crime if their name was not on the account. In order to be able to have full access to the account and do it legally, they would have to have started the probate process if their name was not on it, which leaves a paper trail at the courthouse. You need to start there. Many courthouses have records online in the United States. I'm not sure about other countries. You have to call and ask. DO NOT WAIT! If you wait too long, your parent might spend all of the money whether they should or not! Take a deep breath, don't be upset and put your business hat on. You can't let emotions get in the way of what you have to do here. People lie when it comes to money and, sadly, that is likely what is happening here. If there is a legal will, you can find it and see what it says! Don't wait!

Please note, you can also hire a lawyer to do this, but you don't need a lawyer to do the initial legwork!

antelopevalley · 10/08/2022 14:33

It depends. You can access bank accounts without probate if it is a fairly sum.

antelopevalley · 10/08/2022 14:43

Fairly small sum.

VanGoghsDog · 10/08/2022 22:12

RealityTV · 10/08/2022 14:03

@Whattodo74639 , if your grandparents died and there was a will, then the will had to be formalized for it to be legal. You don't say where you live, so I can't give you exact details about what to do, but you can order a copy of your grandparent's will directly from the district probate registry if you are in England. If you are in the United States, you would go to the registry of wills. You can also go to the probate court in the United States. If you are outside of these countries, you need to find out the registering authority for wills. If your parent accessed your grandparent's bank accounts WITHOUT going through probate, they have possibly committed a crime if their name was not on the account. In order to be able to have full access to the account and do it legally, they would have to have started the probate process if their name was not on it, which leaves a paper trail at the courthouse. You need to start there. Many courthouses have records online in the United States. I'm not sure about other countries. You have to call and ask. DO NOT WAIT! If you wait too long, your parent might spend all of the money whether they should or not! Take a deep breath, don't be upset and put your business hat on. You can't let emotions get in the way of what you have to do here. People lie when it comes to money and, sadly, that is likely what is happening here. If there is a legal will, you can find it and see what it says! Don't wait!

Please note, you can also hire a lawyer to do this, but you don't need a lawyer to do the initial legwork!

There's so much incorrect information in this post it's really hard to know where to even start with it!