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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my parent off for this?

142 replies

Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:15

My grandparent died a couple of months ago, my parent is the executor of the will, I am an only child.

I was always told that I had a set amount of inheritance to come from grandparent once they died. After the funeral and everything, we then set about sorting out the inheritance and everything else but it’s been one excuse after the other as to why I haven’t yet received my share.

The first excuse was waiting for the bank account to be closed and then the remaining money released, they said it should have taken 7-10 days or something like that. After this time frame, the excuse then changed to actually I wasn’t left any inheritance, it’s just money that my parent is choosing to ‘gift’ me.

I haven’t been able to access the will, as parent won’t allow me to see it, to see what is true and what is not. My parent knows that I struggle at times financially through no fault of my own and knows that if I do have a share in this, that it will help me significantly, and they are now ignoring every request I put to them whilst off spending hundreds of pounds on themselves (they tell me so).

I have pretty much accepted I’m not going to get any of this money, as I doubt there is now much left, so my AIBU is AIBU to cut parent off for this for being a selfish arsehole?!

They did a similar thing when my other grandparent died and kept money from the rest of the family, so I don’t know why I’m too surprised to be honest!

OP posts:
PMAmostofthetime · 31/07/2022 19:36

@Whattodo74639 apply to family fund to get a solicitor to look into the will or go to a no win no fee solicitor.

slowquickstep · 31/07/2022 19:37

I don't feel you have any sympathy for your Parent that has just buried their parent. All your post is about you wanting money that you may or may not have been left. Maybe a little more sympathy and understanding would go a long way.

girlmom21 · 31/07/2022 19:38

Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:35

@girlmom21 first of all, it’s not bailing someone out when it’s the circumstances like mine, I struggle through no fault of my own. Secondly, they did help me out whilst they was alive. Where did I say they didn’t or do you just make assumptions? And lastly, if you could sit by and watch your kids struggle whilst wasting money on crap then I think that’s very sad as that’s something I could never do to mine.

I'm not making assumptions that they didn't help you out but if there was money that was left to your parent and not you that's your grandparents wish.

Regardless of what we think a parent should do in these circumstances your parents are doing nothing wrong by spending money that's been left to them.

BigChesterDraws · 31/07/2022 19:38

I wouldn’t cut my father off without first seeing the will - and you can see the will, it’s not a state secret.

TabithaTittlemouse · 31/07/2022 19:39

I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s all very magpie ish. I wouldn’t want anything to do with any of it tbh.

Original poster
Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:41

What is apparently left in the will keeps changing, first there was something left to me, then there wasn’t and parent won’t let me look at it and because I strongly suspect it’s a DIY one there isn’t a magical second copy of it to look at. Parent has a form for this kind of stuff, he was an executor of another will and kept most of the money which is why no-one in the family hardly speaks to them anymore, it’s the selfishness of wanting to spend it all on themselves because they try and live a lifestyle they can’t afford without thinking about anyone else.

OP posts:
SullysBabyMama · 31/07/2022 19:43

Did your grandparent just tell you word of mouth you could have some money but never arrange it?
So therefore your parent got access to the small bank account and that money is all theirs. They can choose to spend it or gift it to you as no legal will?
Do they even know your grandparent promised you money? Or would they think you were making it up?

withgraceinmyheart · 31/07/2022 19:44

Sorry but agree with Pp that if your parent was left the money it’s up to them whether or not they gift any to you. The circumstances of your life don’t change that.

I speak as someone whose no contact with both parents, no I wouldn’t cut a parent off over this alone. Is there a background of the relationship being difficult?

doodlywoodlydingdong · 31/07/2022 19:45

You've posted about this before. They've spent your money.

Original poster
Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:47

@SullysBabyMama it was grandparents wish but then they weren’t mentally able to change their will as their memory deteriorated very rapidly, however it was parent who then reminded me I had inheritance to come and roughly how much and now they are making every excuse not to hand it over.

OP posts:
StrangeCondition · 31/07/2022 19:47

You posted this a week or so ago and were given lots of advice then, I'm not sure you're going to hear anything different this time

Original poster
Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:50

@withgraceinmyheart i don’t know who the money has been left to, that is what I have been trying to clarify.

there is a history of parent being not really involved and selfish yes, when I was a child other women came first and he wasn’t much of an actual parent. Since my child was born several years ago I can count on both hands the amount of times he has bothered, so yes this feels like the straw that broke the camels back if I’m being honest, fed up of constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt

OP posts:
Skodacool · 31/07/2022 19:53

Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:18

I don’t know if it was a proper legal will through a solicitors or just a DIY one. Knowing my grandparent they probably bought one from WHSMITHS and filled it out…

It still has to go to probate and you must be allowed to see it. DIY wills, if drawn up properly, are still valid.

bowchicawowwow · 31/07/2022 19:55

You mention a care home in your post - it may be that there isn't much money left after the care home fees have eaten their way through the savings and then the cost of the funeral and solicitors fees. Your parent might not be mentioning it as there might be nothing.

I'd wait for probate to be granted then view the will online to see if there was a bequest for you.

LIZS · 31/07/2022 19:57

Sorry you are so frustrated. If there is no legal will any residual money passes to nok, so anything coming to you is at their discretion. You could see a solicitor to review the situation but the bank won't have transferred the money without following procedures and seeing specific paperwork first.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 31/07/2022 20:03

OP you’re coming across very grabby and entitled in your posts. Your parent (dad) has only just lost their parent, 2 months ago, and all you’re thinking about is money. There is no sympathy from you either for their feelings or any comment on you about your feelings of loss for your grandparent, it’s all just about you haven’t got any money. If you’re legally entitled to something from the will then of course you should get it, but it doesn’t seem your 100% sure that’s actually correct as you keep changing your story. I appreciate you’re life is hard, but maybe focus on getting it yourself.

Flowersintheattic57 · 31/07/2022 20:05

Sounds like your father has access to his parent’s bank account and is just helping himself. Very much doubt probate has been granted in such a sort time.

BlodynGwyn · 31/07/2022 20:06

Don't cut them off if you're an only child. Before you know it they will be old and failing - and also writing up their own will. As an only child you should get everything, right? But if you piss them off too much they might leave it all the the neighbor's cat.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/07/2022 20:07

Redburnett · 31/07/2022 19:22

Get a solicitor to get a copy of the will, and take it from there.

No - just get a copy of the Will yourself, no need to get a so,icky or to do an online search

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/07/2022 20:09

Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:41

What is apparently left in the will keeps changing, first there was something left to me, then there wasn’t and parent won’t let me look at it and because I strongly suspect it’s a DIY one there isn’t a magical second copy of it to look at. Parent has a form for this kind of stuff, he was an executor of another will and kept most of the money which is why no-one in the family hardly speaks to them anymore, it’s the selfishness of wanting to spend it all on themselves because they try and live a lifestyle they can’t afford without thinking about anyone else.

A DIY will (properly executed) is as valid as an ‘official’ one drawn up by so.icitors

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/07/2022 20:11

Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 19:47

@SullysBabyMama it was grandparents wish but then they weren’t mentally able to change their will as their memory deteriorated very rapidly, however it was parent who then reminded me I had inheritance to come and roughly how much and now they are making every excuse not to hand it over.

Ah - so,you’re not due any inheritance whatsoever, I am sorry for your loss

Beachsidesunset · 31/07/2022 20:13

Didn't you post this a few weeks ago? It sounds familiar.

burnoutbabe · 31/07/2022 20:14

In theory if your parent wanted to cut you out they would just say no will and then inherit the lot under intestate rules.

Supersimkin2 · 31/07/2022 20:15

Theft.

Ignore the sanctimonious on here, they love putting the boot into the bereaved.

Ask to see the will and if it’s not forthcoming call the cops. That should speed up your cheque.

Original poster
Whattodo74639 · 31/07/2022 20:16

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle that’s what I was told by parent about the will, but then it keeps changing, because in the first place I was in the will, then I wasn’t, then it hadn’t been changed etc… so his story keeps changing. Again, I don’t care about the money per say, if I wasn’t entitled to any then fine, I’ve survived somehow up to this point I’ll carry on surviving. It’s parents behaviour towards it all that is making me want to just walk away from him. It seems like he initially wanted to give me some of the money, told me to start looking at stuff to buy etc, but now it seems like he has just got greedy with the money and rather than just telling me, is being really shady and avoiding it - it’s him messing me around about it which is getting on my nerves. As I stated, I’m pretty sure I won’t get a penny which I’m fine with, but seeing how selfish parent has been about it all - even down to telling me he knows how much a bit of money would help me out - just baffles me because my other parent isn’t like this, I could never be like that either

OP posts:
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