To cut my parent off for this?

[Whattodo74639]

My grandparent died a couple of months ago, my parent is the executor of the will, I am an only child.

I was always told that I had a set amount of inheritance to come from grandparent once they died. After the funeral and everything, we then set about sorting out the inheritance and everything else but it’s been one excuse after the other as to why I haven’t yet received my share.

The first excuse was waiting for the bank account to be closed and then the remaining money released, they said it should have taken 7-10 days or something like that. After this time frame, the excuse then changed to actually I wasn’t left any inheritance, it’s just money that my parent is choosing to ‘gift’ me.

I haven’t been able to access the will, as parent won’t allow me to see it, to see what is true and what is not. My parent knows that I struggle at times financially through no fault of my own and knows that if I do have a share in this, that it will help me significantly, and they are now ignoring every request I put to them whilst off spending hundreds of pounds on themselves (they tell me so).

I have pretty much accepted I’m not going to get any of this money, as I doubt there is now much left, so my AIBU is AIBU to cut parent off for this for being a selfish arsehole?!

They did a similar thing when my other grandparent died and kept money from the rest of the family, so I don’t know why I’m too surprised to be honest!

if You want to, you need to follow official routes.
No parent ever became saintly just because they had a child.

If it's gone to probate, you can get the details online for £1.50; worth every penny, I reckon.

Search probate records

Probate gives a person the authority to dispose of assets, whether there is a house or not. Once Grant of Probate has been given, anyone can apply to see the contents of a Will. The you will have your answer.

most parents leave the money direct to children. I’d suck it up, it’s likely you’re not named in the will

Sounds a bit unikely.

Probate takes months. You can't search online for some time after that.

If the deceased had only savings, and a small amount, probate is not required. But if you're not named in the will, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, realisticallly.

No, definitely don't get a so icky.

Are you nagging your parent for money when they’re grieving? Your grandparent has only just passed away. Take a step back.

There's no grounds to contest it, she hasn't even seen it.

It's pretty unlikely probate will have been granted yet either, if they've even bothered to apply, they might not need to.

You said your grandparent helped you out financially. Nothing wrong with that, of course, if they were in sound mind and wanting to help. Maybe this was the money they talked about you getting? Perhaps you weren't in the will and your parent doesn't know how to tell you and that is why you haven't seen the will. So many possible scenarios.
I'd specifically ask your parent about probate. Has the will been through probate? When do they think it will? Then go from there depending on the answer.

Before I had kids I would have said “It’s not your money. Your parents don’t owe you anything” because that’s how my parents treat me.
Now I have my own children, I’d never let them struggle. I’d give them my last penny and it’s just made it clear how little a shit my parents give about me.

It’s not really about the money it’s the deceit and the obvious power parent is enjoying having over the OP. Pretty disgusting behaviour, so please let us stop imagining they are grieving their own parent while blowing money on pointless shit.

I would never assume inheritance would go to me. Sounds like that would just lead to disappointment. If you are in the will you will get something. If not, it goes to your parents and they can do with it what they want. Why do you think you are owed money from them. Yes they are selfish if they have money and are watching you struggle but that a different thing to demanding inheritance that isn't yours.

This is worth a chat with a solicitor or citizens advice bureau, OP. A solicitor would probably give you 30 mins of free time for a general chat. Even if you weren’t left anything, if the grandparent helped support you during their life and promised you money, you might have some kind of legal claim as a dependent (whether its worth it depends on how much cash was left).

As they have sole charge of the cash, are already spending it, keep changing the story about when/if you’ll get some, and won’t let you see the will, then it seems to me like they’re talking themselves into stealing the lot and convincing themselves it should all be theirs. If someone did that to me absolutely I’d cut them off. But first I’d throw an absolute fit demanding to see the will and threatening lawyers.

Even if you weren’t left anything, if the grandparent helped support you during their life and promised you money, you might have some kind of legal claim as a dependent (whether its worth it depends on how much cash was left)
Helping someone out with the odd cash gift does not make them your dependant for legal purposes.
Promises carry no legal weight either.

If the money really isn't important to you OP, and it's just a case of you don't trust your father to see to it that you get what you may have been promised, then it sounds like the problem is actually your relationship with him, and the Will is largely irrelevant. I do understand how nice it would be in your situation to have a little windfall, but it really doesn't look like it's going to happen, and fighting and arguing over money after the death of a loved one, always strikes me as grubby, and not very pleasant. You say that you've managed in life so far, and will doubtless continue to manage, so just make life easier on yourself, and allow yourself to grieve for your grandparent, after all, if they had really wanted you to have something, then they would have changed their Will and not left it to chance. Be the bigger person and walk away would be my advice.

A couple of months is nothing when sorting out even a small will. 7-10 days for the bank to release the money would be exceptionally quick.

I wouldn't worry about a DIY will's legality, if the instructions that come with the kit are followed properly.
My late mother did exactly that: a DIY form from WH Smith. Before her retirement , she had been a civil servant, and appreciated the importance of doing things correctly (choosing witnesses appropriately etc.) and it was deemed perfectly legal.
However, sorting out the estate took time, even though it was a straightforward estate, so you may have to wait for details to appear online.

I feel for your poor father in this. He has just lost his parent, possibly his last parent and now he has a daughter who is nagging constantly about her inheritance which she may not be entitled to as per the Will not naming her as a beneficiary. I can see how someone would say the Will leaves everything to the son/dad and in his grief all he hears is I want money! Probably all the asking for money is why he is blocking you seeing the Will and not handing over any money.

The situation is suspicious because they are keeping the will hidden. If they would be transparent, there wouldn’t be an issue. The money is being quickly spent. I’d let them know I’m going to look into it. Maybe it will slow their spending while you check into it.

@JosephineGH not that it matters at all, but I actually got my disability AFTER my child was born.

Thank you for all the advice - regarding the money - trust me I’ve accepted I pretty much won’t get it and I’m not going to keep trying to speak to them about it.

regarding the grieving, yes I don’t doubt they feel a certain type of way about it, but then again from the things they’ve told me since then they’ve been out blowing hundreds if not thousands of pounds since so it doesn’t sound too depressed to me…

I think I am going to take a step back from them - nothing to do with the money - but because of how secretive and deceitful they are being about it all. Knowing my parent the way I do, I honestly think hardly any money was left because I’m guessing they spent majority of it whilst grandparent was still alive - not that I can prove it or accuse them of this because he had legal access to the account and I cba to get into all that. Point being, parent has always been selfish where I have been concerned, never helped me out with anything before not even practically, he uses people in general, he hardly bothers with grandchild etc, and this is just the last straw really. He kept all the money last time someone passed away and lost majority of his family over it, so unfortunately he has a tendency to be greedy with things.

I'm so sorry, OP.
There still seems to be ways & means in which people can take money they are not entitled to, & how can you prove it?
Damn right I would cut your parents off. They sound the type who would leave their own money (if anything left) to the cats' home for spite.
Build your life with just your child, & take a PP's advice & see if there are charities who will help you out. Good luck. x

It takes a long time to handle an estate - - not weeks, months. The final electric billl has to be paid, all taxes need to be taken care of, surprise medical bills and things related to the funeral must be paid. If there is a house it may need repairs before being sold. Lawyers fees need to be paid. All that should be done before the money is distributed. THEN, if you believe your parents have not followed the will, get a copy of the will and sue them for anything you should have been given. You may find what you believed was not true, or that the estate wasn't what you thought. If it was in a trust instead of a "will", you may get robbed and have no recourse.

So noting about how much you loved them or miss them, or how they died.

Just

why I haven’t yet received my share.

You sound like a charm.